Non Footy Chat Thread II

[hineyrulz]

View attachment 45141

I bet BA never even spoke to Chloe.

 

[84 Baby]

Three friends find an oil lamp. Joking that it has a genie, they rub it and are amazed when a genie pops out. The genie says he’ll grant each of them three wishes.

The first guy wishes that he’d be really lucky with his financial decisions. He immediately buys some shares and straight away they double in value and pay him a whopping dividend.
The second guy wishes that he’d at all times be the wealthiest person. He checks his bank balance and sees a trillion dollars just sitting there.
The third guy wishes that for every waking moment his pelvis gyrates in a clockwise movement. Straight away he becomes like a hula hooping champion.

For his second wish, the first guy, feeling like his friend upstaged his first wish, wishes to be married to the most attractive woman alive. The perfect physical specimen of a human woman instantly appears at his side.
The second guy wishes that he’d be the most attractive person in all characteristics, handsomeness, charisma, intelligence and so on. His features instantly warp and before he can even open his mouth, his friend’s new wife is staring at him and begins flirting.
The third guy wishes that for every waking moment his arms rotated anticlockwise at the elbow above his head. His friends are almost mesmerised by his flailing.

The genie asks them to make their third wish and reminds them it’s their final one and to make it important.
The first guy wishes that he and his family always have good health. He instantly feels quite good and his new wife remarks the slight cold she had, had now gone.
The second guy wishes to remain forever in his peak physical condition. Before their eyes, he begins deaging a little and he buffs up a bit.
The third guy wishes that for every waking moment, he was nodding his head. Instantly it’s like he’s at a Metallica concert head banging away.

They each go their separate ways but years later reach out to meet up.
The first guy tells his friends that he and his family are supremely comfortable in their finances, his wife is as super hot as ever and wild in the sack, and he, her and their kids have never been sick in their lives, except their youngest who’s had a couple of bouts of flu.
The second guy boasts that a small part of his fortune is working to eradicate world hunger, agrees that the first guy’s wife is hot and wild in bed and he doesn’t look like he’s changed at all since finding the genie.
The third guy, gyrating like a fiend, arms waving wildly above his ever nodding head, says “I think I f**ked up.”

 

[hindy111]

Is this the thread where you tell everyone how rich and successful you are? If so, I'm really rich. Just sold some books to the second hand shop for $50.

I've heard some bullshit on here but this one takes the cake. Sounds like the most far fetched bullshit story I have ever heard.
Now take a photo of a half eaten apple on top of those books and then we will beleive you.

 

[Barry O'Speedwagon]

I've heard some bullshit on here but this one takes the cake. Sounds like the most far fetched bullshit story I have ever heard.
Now take a photo of a half eaten apple on top of those books and then we will beleive you.

Funnily enough, my work just asked me to fill in a flexible work arrangement form, which after asking lots of questions like 'do you have an ergonomic desk' etc, then asks to take a photo of myself at the ergonomic desk. Doesn't say that I have to be clothed.

 

[Old tiger 79]

View attachment 45141

Hahahaah

 

[Old tiger 79]

I've heard some bullshit on here but this one takes the cake. Sounds like the most far fetched bullshit story I have ever heard.
Now take a photo of a half eaten apple on top of those books and then we will beleive you.

Do you want a picture of a random photo fromHermit Park? Or one from the northern suburbs of Townsville?

 

[Eelogical]

Three friends find an oil lamp. Joking that it has a genie, they rub it and are amazed when a genie pops out. The genie says he’ll grant each of them three wishes.

The first guy wishes that he’d be really lucky with his financial decisions. He immediately buys some shares and straight away they double in value and pay him a whopping dividend.
The second guy wishes that he’d at all times be the wealthiest person. He checks his bank balance and sees a trillion dollars just sitting there.
The third guy wishes that for every waking moment his pelvis gyrates in a clockwise movement. Straight away he becomes like a hula hooping champion.

For his second wish, the first guy, feeling like his friend upstaged his first wish, wishes to be married to the most attractive woman alive. The perfect physical specimen of a human woman instantly appears at his side.
The second guy wishes that he’d be the most attractive person in all characteristics, handsomeness, charisma, intelligence and so on. His features instantly warp and before he can even open his mouth, his friend’s new wife is staring at him and begins flirting.
The third guy wishes that for every waking moment his arms rotated anticlockwise at the elbow above his head. His friends are almost mesmerised by his flailing.

The genie asks them to make their third wish and reminds them it’s their final one and to make it important.
The first guy wishes that he and his family always have good health. He instantly feels quite good and his new wife remarks the slight cold she had, had now gone.
The second guy wishes to remain forever in his peak physical condition. Before their eyes, he begins deaging a little and he buffs up a bit.
The third guy wishes that for every waking moment, he was nodding his head. Instantly it’s like he’s at a Metallica concert head banging away.

They each go their separate ways but years later reach out to meet up.
The first guy tells his friends that he and his family are supremely comfortable in their finances, his wife is as super hot as ever and wild in the sack, and he, her and their kids have never been sick in their lives, except their youngest who’s had a couple of bouts of flu.
The second guy boasts that a small part of his fortune is working to eradicate world hunger, agrees that the first guy’s wife is hot and wild in bed and he doesn’t look like he’s changed at all since finding the genie.
The third guy, gyrating like a fiend, arms waving wildly above his ever nodding head, says “I think I f**ked up.”

This is as if somebody has hacked 84 baby's account then posted it as if they were Pete, but have taken four extra paragraphs to get called back for the inevitable forward pass.

 

[84 Baby]

This is as if somebody has hacked 84 baby's account then posted it as if they were Pete, but have taken four extra paragraphs to get called back for the inevitable forward pass.

I like really long jokes with punchlines that don’t make the length worthwhile.
Highly recommend https://www.longestjokeintheworld.com/

 

[Eelogical]

I like really long jokes with punchlines that don’t make the length worthwhile.
Highly recommend https://www.longestjokeintheworld.com/

Like, The Project?

 

[Gary Gutful]

Three friends find an oil lamp. Joking that it has a genie, they rub it and are amazed when a genie pops out. The genie says he’ll grant each of them three wishes.

The first guy wishes that he’d be really lucky with his financial decisions. He immediately buys some shares and straight away they double in value and pay him a whopping dividend.
The second guy wishes that he’d at all times be the wealthiest person. He checks his bank balance and sees a trillion dollars just sitting there.
The third guy wishes that for every waking moment his pelvis gyrates in a clockwise movement. Straight away he becomes like a hula hooping champion.

For his second wish, the first guy, feeling like his friend upstaged his first wish, wishes to be married to the most attractive woman alive. The perfect physical specimen of a human woman instantly appears at his side.
The second guy wishes that he’d be the most attractive person in all characteristics, handsomeness, charisma, intelligence and so on. His features instantly warp and before he can even open his mouth, his friend’s new wife is staring at him and begins flirting.
The third guy wishes that for every waking moment his arms rotated anticlockwise at the elbow above his head. His friends are almost mesmerised by his flailing.

The genie asks them to make their third wish and reminds them it’s their final one and to make it important.
The first guy wishes that he and his family always have good health. He instantly feels quite good and his new wife remarks the slight cold she had, had now gone.
The second guy wishes to remain forever in his peak physical condition. Before their eyes, he begins deaging a little and he buffs up a bit.
The third guy wishes that for every waking moment, he was nodding his head. Instantly it’s like he’s at a Metallica concert head banging away.

They each go their separate ways but years later reach out to meet up.
The first guy tells his friends that he and his family are supremely comfortable in their finances, his wife is as super hot as ever and wild in the sack, and he, her and their kids have never been sick in their lives, except their youngest who’s had a couple of bouts of flu.
The second guy boasts that a small part of his fortune is working to eradicate world hunger, agrees that the first guy’s wife is hot and wild in bed and he doesn’t look like he’s changed at all since finding the genie.
The third guy, gyrating like a fiend, arms waving wildly above his ever nodding head, says “I think I f**ked up.”

Dogshit.

 

[84 Baby]

Dogshit.

You’d only say that if you read it. My job is done

 

[Gary Gutful]

You’d only say that if you read it. My job is done

That wasn't a job that anyone asked for or needed. Couldn't you have fed some homeless people instead?

 

[84 Baby]

That wasn't a job that anyone asked for or needed. Couldn't you have fed some homeless people instead?

I’ll feed them the smug I received from having you read my joke

 

[Old tiger 79]

That was two long brah. It started well but my mind couldn’t concentrate for that longer period

 

[Old tiger 79]

I’ll feed them the smug I received from having you read my joke

Ok brus, what was the reason for posting horse shit like that?

 

[Gary Gutful]

I’ll feed them the smug I received from having you read my joke

*smeg

 

[Old tiger 79]

That wasn't a job that anyone asked for or needed. Couldn't you have fed some homeless people instead?

I love you man. I live for stuff like you’re sarcasm, I love being facetious to fellow friends

 

[Old tiger 79]

*smeg

*pegged

 

[84 Baby]

*smeg

Drink it, I dares ya.

 

[Old tiger 79]

Drink it, I dares ya.

*smegged