Vuvuzela Story...
Spanish star wants vuvuzelas banned, Spanish fans want Africans banned..!
Just a day after Spanish football star Xabi Alonso called on FIFA to ban
vuvuzela horns, Spanish fans have called on the football body to ban
Africans. "They are just so black," said fan Enrique de Torquemada. "And
there are so many of them here in Africa. It is very upsetting."
Alonso was widely quoted this week referring to vuvuzelas as an
"annoyance" that should be banned.
However, FIFA godfather Sepp Blatter has defended the horns.
"South African football is all about noise, excitement, shouting and
enjoyment," he said. "And sometimes goals. But mostly noise."
Alonso's South African hosts say they are taking the star's complaints
seriously, despite "Xabi" meaning "doos" in the ancient San language.
"Obviously as a footballer Mr Alonso is a very unique person," said
Confederations Cup local organizer Sonnyboy Laduma. "I mean, it's not
everyone who has a Grade 9 education, is unemployable after 35, and who
spends hours every day training to kick an inflated sack in to a net,
who then tries to dictate the culture of another continent."
However, Laduma confirmed that Alonso was not alone in feeling that
Africa needed to change to suit Spanish tastes.
He said that thousands of Spanish supporters had signed a petition
asking FIFA to ban not only vuvuzelas but Africans as well.
"Apparently when they bought their airline tickets nobody told them that
Africa is full of Africans," explained Laduma.
According to fan Ignacio Tortilla, the Confederations Cup has been an
"ordeal".
"Wherever you look it's just Africans," he said. "Please don't get me
wrong, I'm not a racist, but do they really have to be so aggressive
with all the singing and smiling and hand-shaking?"
Florida de Porpoise, a retired Jew-batter from Barcelona, said he would
have no problem with Africans "if they only tried to be more European".
"We're not asking for a lot," said de Porpoise. "Just perhaps a little
hair relaxant, some cigarettes, and an overwhelming sense of the
futility of hope."
Meanwhile, a delegation of South Africans has asked visiting Spaniards
to stop lisping.
"For goodness sake, English is our sixth language and we can still say
's', "said Jumpstart Moloi. "It's not Nelthon Mandela, okay? It's Nelson.
Nelssssson."
He also appealed to Spaniards to "think long and hard" before asking
locals for directions to Thanton Thquare and the thocker thtadium at
Thocker Thity.
"Spanish is just such a freaking ugly language," said Moloi. "It's all
just 'eth eth eth eth'. FIFA should do something about it."
