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I have learnt a lot of things about myself over the past few weeks, particularly while I was sidelined with injury. Tellingly, I realised I had lost confidence.
We are all just people. I'm not a robot, and I'm not the strongest mentally in the world. I have emotions. Some people have self-esteem issues, and some people have confidence issues. I've been lacking confidence.
I have been working overtime at training trying to get back to my best and it obviously didn't work out as I had hoped on Friday night in our 30-6 loss to Cronulla at Allianz Stadium. These things take time and unfortunately it won't happen overnight but I believe that rumours of my demise are grossly exaggerated.
I think the way to finding that confidence is by going back to what I do best, and that's running the ball. Perhaps the injury has been a blessing in disguise. After I injured my toe, I watched a highlights package I have on my computer at home, which dates back to 2003. And I watched some Tests I played between 2010 and 2012.
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I wanted to look at what I used to do, and what I'm doing now, to try and pinpoint why my form has been poor. The difference between the way I played in 2010 and my game in 2012 - it was chalk and cheese.
I watched the 2010 Four Nations final and the end-of-year Test in 2012. There was a huge difference. In club games, too. I watched tries and try assists. The way that I was taking the line on in 2010 was completely different to the way I am playing right now. So that's what I'm getting back to - the confidence to play the way I should be playing. I've played the game long enough to know what kind of game is good for me. My game should be playing to the structure - but also putting what I see on top of it. I got caught up in only playing to the structure, but not in my style. I want to play in my own style: taking the line on, being me. I haven't been doing that, and that's probably why I haven't been enjoying playing.
This year, I've hardly taken the line on and I've hardly been tackled. Lately, I've got caught in the ball-playing trap of just trying to put others over. The strength of my game has always been my running. The 2011 season wasn't quite so bad, but 2012? It was like I was playing in a dinner suit. I hardly took the line on. What made me a good rugby league player was the way I used to play the game. And this year? Over the first six rounds I was barely contributing to the team. I stated in my last column that the team might not miss me - and I was right.
I need to contribute more, and that comes through taking the line on, pushing up in support, being more proactive. I can't wait for it to happen. I've got to make it happen.
Over the last couple of years, when I tried a few things, I made a few errors, and we lost some games. In my head, I thought: ''I can't make that same mistake again.'' So I didn't try, I played in my shell and it has cost me. I lost belief in the way I play.
And I've only just started to figure it out. I've been copping it about my form, and that's fine. In a way, it's helped. Sometimes, you don't see it. Sometimes you get comfortable, and you don't see what's happening. Looking at that tape, I could see it.
At training during the week, I've just been running and taking the line on. And I've been proactive. I feel happy again. I sat down with Mick Potter, and he agreed that my form has been down. If I carried on that way, I'd be lucky not to be playing in reserve grade.
I want to be the frontman. I want to be the player they're talking about - ''Tigers win because Benji plays well'', not ''Tigers lose because Benji plays terribly''. I'm better than that, and I know it. In my mind, I know I've still got it. And I know that the best is yet to come. The best thing to happen to me is people saying I'm past it. Because I'm going to prove them wrong.
Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/rugby-league/...w-of-myself-20130511-2jejx.html#ixzz2TD1Cg6ch
We are all just people. I'm not a robot, and I'm not the strongest mentally in the world. I have emotions. Some people have self-esteem issues, and some people have confidence issues. I've been lacking confidence.
I have been working overtime at training trying to get back to my best and it obviously didn't work out as I had hoped on Friday night in our 30-6 loss to Cronulla at Allianz Stadium. These things take time and unfortunately it won't happen overnight but I believe that rumours of my demise are grossly exaggerated.
I think the way to finding that confidence is by going back to what I do best, and that's running the ball. Perhaps the injury has been a blessing in disguise. After I injured my toe, I watched a highlights package I have on my computer at home, which dates back to 2003. And I watched some Tests I played between 2010 and 2012.
Advertisement
I wanted to look at what I used to do, and what I'm doing now, to try and pinpoint why my form has been poor. The difference between the way I played in 2010 and my game in 2012 - it was chalk and cheese.
I watched the 2010 Four Nations final and the end-of-year Test in 2012. There was a huge difference. In club games, too. I watched tries and try assists. The way that I was taking the line on in 2010 was completely different to the way I am playing right now. So that's what I'm getting back to - the confidence to play the way I should be playing. I've played the game long enough to know what kind of game is good for me. My game should be playing to the structure - but also putting what I see on top of it. I got caught up in only playing to the structure, but not in my style. I want to play in my own style: taking the line on, being me. I haven't been doing that, and that's probably why I haven't been enjoying playing.
This year, I've hardly taken the line on and I've hardly been tackled. Lately, I've got caught in the ball-playing trap of just trying to put others over. The strength of my game has always been my running. The 2011 season wasn't quite so bad, but 2012? It was like I was playing in a dinner suit. I hardly took the line on. What made me a good rugby league player was the way I used to play the game. And this year? Over the first six rounds I was barely contributing to the team. I stated in my last column that the team might not miss me - and I was right.
I need to contribute more, and that comes through taking the line on, pushing up in support, being more proactive. I can't wait for it to happen. I've got to make it happen.
Over the last couple of years, when I tried a few things, I made a few errors, and we lost some games. In my head, I thought: ''I can't make that same mistake again.'' So I didn't try, I played in my shell and it has cost me. I lost belief in the way I play.
And I've only just started to figure it out. I've been copping it about my form, and that's fine. In a way, it's helped. Sometimes, you don't see it. Sometimes you get comfortable, and you don't see what's happening. Looking at that tape, I could see it.
At training during the week, I've just been running and taking the line on. And I've been proactive. I feel happy again. I sat down with Mick Potter, and he agreed that my form has been down. If I carried on that way, I'd be lucky not to be playing in reserve grade.
I want to be the frontman. I want to be the player they're talking about - ''Tigers win because Benji plays well'', not ''Tigers lose because Benji plays terribly''. I'm better than that, and I know it. In my mind, I know I've still got it. And I know that the best is yet to come. The best thing to happen to me is people saying I'm past it. Because I'm going to prove them wrong.
Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/rugby-league/...w-of-myself-20130511-2jejx.html#ixzz2TD1Cg6ch
