Blonde Jokes

[Stranger]

Paste em here....

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realise he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch.

 

[dougthelegend]

a blond walks up to a soda machine...puts in her $1 and gets her can of coke. Next she puts in $2, gets her coke, and $1 change. She does this a couple of times, until a frustrated businessman walks up behind her, obviously irritated and says - "Are you quite finished", to which the blonde replies "Well duh! Im still winning!"

:lol:

 

[Stranger]

A blond, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a near by well-to-do neighbourhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use someone to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

"The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50.00?" The man agreed and told her that everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realise that our porch goes all the way around the house?" He responded, "That's a bit cynical isn't it?" The wife replied, "You're right. I'm starting to believe all those "dumb blonde" jokes we've been getting by E-mail lately,"

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" the husband asked. "Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it 2 coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a "Porch," it's a Lexus."

 

[Stranger]

A blonde and a brunette were watching the 10 o'clock news together. The current news was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump. The situation cut to a commercial.
Brunette: "I'll bet you $20 he's going to jump."
Blonde: "Okay."
(then back to the newscast.)
He jumps.
Blonde: "Okay, here's my $20."
Brunette: "No, that was too easy, I can't take your money."
Blonde: "I insist. I lost!"
Brunette: "I have a confession to make. I saw the same thing on the 6 o'clock news and knew he jumped. So it wasn't really a fair bet."
Blonde: "I know I saw it too, I just can't believe he jumped again!"

:lol:

Im just posting old e-mails.

 

[Stranger]

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over.

When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket.

He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde,

'Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!'.

He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.

When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, 'Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!'

He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car.

When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face.

He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires.

Now she's laughing.

The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.

He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.

'What's so funny?' the truck driver asked the blonde.

She replied, 'Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[CC_Eagle]

Blonde

That's funny.. :lol: :lol:

 

[DJ Raida]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

blondes

so funny

 

[Panthers_Gurl]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[tUp]

hahaha great thread :lol:

 

[Preniers]

I blonde finds out her husband cheating on her with a red head. The next day, the husbands suprise, the blonde walks in on him and the red head, with a gun. She sticks the gun to her head, as the husband shouts "NO HONEY DON'T DO IT"

The blonde replies don't worry your next!



Here's a short one:

Q.3 girls are in yr 2, a red head, a blonde and a brunette, who has bigger breasts??

The blonde, she's 17

 

[Twizzle]

and to what do we owe the return of Preniers

fancy seeing you in a thread about dumb jokes

 

[Hellsy]

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty- thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude." With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!" Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"

She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know I thought YOU were watching!"

Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

 

[Hellsy]

Two tourists are driving through Wales. As they're approaching 'Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwryndrobwillantsiliogogogoch' they start arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name.

They argue back and forth until they stop for lunch. As they stand at the counter, one tourist asks the blonde employee,

"Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly? "

The blonde girl leans over the counter and says,

"Burrrrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrrrrr, Kiiiiing."

 

[God-King Dean]

Here's a blonde joke

Why are blondes stupid?

Because they're blonde :lol:

*looks for hair dye*

 

[Stranger]

.... :| .... dude :|

 

[black magic]

I Want to Buy That
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave....

The blonde at school.....

Day1:
A blonde comes home from school and says to her mum,"We learned how to count up to 5 today mummy. I got up to 10. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "yes dear"

Day 2:
"We learned how to do the alphabet today mummy. The others only got up to E and I got up to S. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "yes dear"

Day 3:
"We learned about breasts today mummy. All the other girls are flat chested and I'm a 36DD. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "No dear, it's because your 25.

 

[Stranger]

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a frim grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when......





The Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut off the horse!

 

[Stranger]

 

[madunit]

How did the blonde break her arm while raking the leaves?
She fell out of the tree.

Two blondes walking down the road. One of the see's a compact on the ground. She picks it up and looks in the mirror...
Blonde1:Hey, that person looks familiar
The other blonde takes the compact and looks in the mirror
Blonde2:Why you silly blonde, of course she looks familiar, its me.