Gift Etiquette

[Engine]

A friend of mine that I knew from my family recently got engaged. He is not a close friend, but I know him and he is ok. As a result, the couple decided to hold an engagement party.
When they mailed the invitations, I got the shock of my life. In the invitation, it stated phrases to the effect in that they have the house, car, appliances etc. It also stated (in a warm and fuzzy way) that what they really needed was money.

I thought that it was the height of rudeness for a couple to ask their guests what to give them. As a result, I did not attend the party. I heard from mates that they got quite a bit of money from some people.

Do you consider their invitation a rude request?
Are you a big gift giver?

 

[Bazal]

I don't think that's rude. My fiancee's cousin and her husband asked for money towards the honeymoon as a wedding gift, as they'd been living together for years...bloody good idea IMO

 

[Engine]

I think it is so rude to even think about asking people for certain gifts. The purpose is to share happiness as a couple, not think about how to get money off your friends.

I'd never dream of asking my friends what to give me on my engagement party. That would be so far off my radar. I'd take whatever Im given.

 

[Nuke]

I know a few people who've asked for the same in their invites.

All times, the people have been living together for some time prior to getting married, so they pretty much had the basics already. I thought it was a good idea (and I'm not one to give money or gift vouchers - I much prefer to give something with a bit of thought or meaning behind it).

 

[Martli]

It's pretty standard man. I've seen that sort of thing before, usually it's to help with wedding costs, the honeymoon, or an OE they're planning. Makes a lot more sense than getting a whole bunch of useless junk they're just going to sell off.

 

[Garts]

For an engagement party I think it is a little off but not for a wedding.

For my engagement party I just footed the bar tab and wanted everyone to get pissed with me as my life was over I did not expect gifts but ended up with a fair bit. For the wedding we did the wishing well thing (money). I did feel a little strange about it but most people who attend a wedding always buy a gift and it is better than getting crap you dont want, need or already have. I know as a guest attending a wedding I much prefer the cash option. Walk to a newsagent get a card, walk to the atm and withdraw some cash. Much better than going to the f**king shopping centre to look for gifts.

 

[Vossy]

id hold a fake engagement party with a random hooker, just so people can give me money, then lock them all in teh room and piss off with all there money




.......or has MC already done that

they will get what i give them ...which is money when i have no effing idea what they want or need

 

[Timmah]

I don't see the issue with asking such a thing, normally people will bring gifts and rather than receive duplicate stuff - ask for money or gift vouchers is actually a smart idea.

 

[adamkungl]

I'm fairly sure this is pretty common with engagements, weddings. Otherwise you end up with 6 toasters and 3 kettles and bat f**k all useful.

 

[madunit]

A friend of mine that I knew from my family recently got engaged. He is not a close friend, but I know him and he is ok. As a result, the couple decided to hold an engagement party.
When they mailed the invitations, I got the shock of my life. In the invitation, it stated phrases to the effect in that they have the house, car, appliances etc. It also stated (in a warm and fuzzy way) that what they really needed was money.

I thought that it was the height of rudeness for a couple to ask their guests what to give them. As a result, I did not attend the party. I heard from mates that they got quite a bit of money from some people.

Do you consider their invitation a rude request?
Are you a big gift giver?

not at all. I see it as an opportunity not to go, which you took the full advantage of.

When my sister got married a few years agho, she held the wedding on the NSW South coast.

We rocked up and attended the ceremony, then during the reception after opening all her presents, she came up to me and said "What did you guys get us?"

I said "My appearance"

She said "Is that all?"

and I replied "No hang on a sec" and I walked away then came back and said "Actually yeah it is. Congratulations, we're leaving now. Bye"

HAHAHAHAHAHA

It took us 3 hours to fly to the nearest airport, 3 hours to drive to the nearest hotel and then another hour through unsealed roads in a pissy little hire car, during the rain to get to this bloody wedding, and she had the nerve to ask me that.

If someone demands something from me, they'll get f**king nothing. A Gift is just that, something you give to someone, not something that someone asks you to give them. Thats not a gift.

 

[Timmah]

The assumption with such an event is that (not all, but some/most) will bring gifts. Maybe wording to the effect of "if you choose to bring a gift, please donate in money form" maybe?

 

[madunit]

No Timothy. No.

It is at the discretion of the guest as to whether they bring a gift or not, and it is also at their discretion what the gift will be.

That's how gift giving works. No demands are made, nor are any met. If there are, then it's not gift giving, it's called complying with demands.

 

[adamkungl]

Suggestion and demand aren't the same thing.

 

[madunit]

If someone sends me an invitation that says "Please don't bring gifts, just money" I'll not bring gifts and I'll use the money I bring to buy me and mrs unit a steak each and also to buy her plenty of grog so she gets sh*tfaced. If there's any silver coins left over, I might consider leaving them as a gift for...the barman.

 

[abpanther]

This is pretty standard, I got no issue with it.

You're a funny guy Mad Unit...

 

[Garts]

Most of the invitations I have received and our one had a little card stating something like the 2 below.


A wishing well we thought would be great
(but only if you wish to participate)
A gift of money is placed in the well
Then make a wish … but do not tell<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: #979797; FONT-FAMILY: arial">

 

[Garts]

Did not f**king work correctly!!!

 

[madunit]

This is pretty standard, I got no issue with it.

You're a funny guy Mad Unit...

I know I am.

 

[watatank]

I think it's rude. It gives the impression you're inviting them for the presents, not for their presence.

 

[adamkungl]

I don't think its unreasonable, among family and close friends, to suggest that if they are planning on giving a gift, money would be more appropriate than something you already have. How do you say this without hinting that everyone should be giving you a gift, i don't know, but it has to be said, and it looks like its fairly common understanding that this happens at weddings/engagements.