Lost 12 kegs last year...hospital, flu and no food is bad
STEP 1: Go to Superamrket. Any will suffice. Preferably one as close to where you are now, that requires as little effort as possible to get there. You don't want to be burning any more fat etc.
STEP 2: Grab a shopping trolley. Proceed to the dairy section
STEP 3: Fill the shopping trolley to the top with butter and margarine.
STEP 4: Go to the kitchenwares aisle. Get a ladle and a Cooking Pot.
STEP 5: Pay for goods, head home.
STEP 6: Turn on tove. Place Pot on stove, put one tub of Margarine (or butter, depending on which you purchased) into pot, cook until it is melted.
STEP 7: Using ladle, drinking melted butter
STEP 8: Repeat cycle every hour until all tubs of Margarine (or butter, depending on which you purchased) have been consumed.
Failing that, eat a cow a day.