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Non Footy Chat Thread II

Gary Gutful

Gary Gutful

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Next time I am speeding and a cop is behind me flashing his lights I'll just rip the rear-view mirror off and throw it out the window.

#ProblemSolved
 
parra pete

parra pete

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20,553
An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft.
A moment later the tower landline rang and was answered by one of the employees.
The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone.
He yelled, "Mayday, mayday! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. Mayday,mayday!"
The employee in the tower immediately put him on speaker phone.
"Calm down, we acknowledge you and we'll guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic. Remain calm!"
He began his series of questions:
Tower: "How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet??"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the altimeter dial
in front of me."
Tower: "Okay, that’s good, remain calm. How do you know you're travelling at 180 mph?"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 180 mph on the airspeed dial in front of me."
Tower: "Okay, this is great so far, but it’s heavily overcast. So how do you know you're flying upside down?"
Aircraft: “The shit in my pants is running out of my shirt collar.
 
Eelogical

Eelogical

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Messages
22,546
parra pete said:
An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft.
A moment later the tower landline rang and was answered by one of the employees.
The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone.
He yelled, "Mayday, mayday! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. Mayday,mayday!"
The employee in the tower immediately put him on speaker phone.
"Calm down, we acknowledge you and we'll guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic. Remain calm!"
He began his series of questions:
Tower: "How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet??"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the altimeter dial
in front of me."
Tower: "Okay, that’s good, remain calm. How do you know you're travelling at 180 mph?"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 180 mph on the airspeed dial in front of me."
Tower: "Okay, this is great so far, but it’s heavily overcast. So how do you know you're flying upside down?"
Aircraft: “The shit in my pants is running out of my shirt collar.
Click to expand...
Why was it a twin engine aircraft and not a single prop?
 
parra pete

parra pete

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Messages
20,553
He (the pilot) clutched at his chest thinking it was just reflux...but unfortunately it was worse.....#2 Lesson in life - if you are going to be a pilot DO NOT HAVE A CURRY just before take-off......
 
parra pete

parra pete

Referee
Messages
20,553
Pretty sure the Tower was able to talk the passenger to upright the plane and land it successfully, however he kept slipping over when trying to walk away from the plane (investigators blamed the rubber shoes he was wearing slipping in the shit); he hit his head, suffered a severe concussion and was not allowed to fly again...
 
strider

strider

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78,626
Someone at amazon (AWS) has a sense of humor .... either that or they have taken Walking Dead too seriously

https://aws.amazon.com/service-terms/

42.10. Acceptable Use; Safety-Critical Systems. Your use of the Lumberyard Materials must comply with the AWS Acceptable Use Policy. The Lumberyard Materials are not intended for use with life-critical or safety-critical systems, such as use in operation of medical equipment, automated transportation systems, autonomous vehicles, aircraft or air traffic control, nuclear facilities, manned spacecraft, or military use in connection with live combat. However, this restriction will not apply in the event of the occurrence (certified by the United States Centers for Disease Control or successor body) of a widespread viral infection transmitted via bites or contact with bodily fluids that causes human corpses to reanimate and seek to consume living human flesh, blood, brain or nerve tissue and is likely to result in the fall of organized civilization.
Click to expand...
 
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