El Garbo for RotW.
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Sun, Salt, Surf and Satire
Aloha, dude.
The man sticks a ruddy paw out to me, gesturing for a handshake. I stare back, not moving only digesting the sight before me.
The man is only of average height, his head straddled by a mop of shoulder length, bleached blonde locks. His blue eyes are almost hypnotic, and his bronzed tan offers a strong contrast against his tightly fitted white t-shirt. His massive smile is infectious I offer a weak grin and lock hands with his rough grip.
Welcome to the hallowed turf of Toyota Park, mate.
The place is mostly empty theres still another two hours until kickoff. Im here to get a guided tour of the stadium before the game starts and the seats fill up. As it is, only a few hardy pockets of people dot the grandstands.
Let me show you the big screen, dude, says my tour guide, grabbing me by the wrist and dragging me to the immediate right.
Aint she a beauty, exclaims Goldilocks as he motions towards the big, blank monstrosity suspended precariously above a major pedestrian thoroughfare. A slight breeze comes from the south, pushing the screen into a gentle swing on its bearings.
Isnt it a bit of a safety risk? I query.
Oh, no way, mate! I mean, she did blow over in a gust of wind the other week, but nobody got hurt the place wasnt even open. But normally shes as steady as a little nipper on an esky lid, mate. Totally bodacious!
I dont really understand the local lingo, but decide against further questions. It would only confuse matters. We keep walking.
This, my leather patched friend, is beer hill.
He extends a hand towards a muddy patch of earth enclosed on three sides by steel fencing.
Why the name? I ask my natty-haired host. The answer I receive hardly surprises me.
After a hard days surf, this is where all the local lads get on the turps, dude.
And why all the fences? It looks more like an animal enclosure to me.
Theyre there to keep troublemakers out, mate to provide a safe drinking environment. We wouldnt stand for any interlopers stepping in to muck around with our bunger throwing contests, the flag burnings and the occasional riots.
I dont bother arguing. His point may be a bit skewed, but it doesnt matter he seems to be a genuinely good bloke anyway.
He turns and points across the field to the grandstand opposite us.
Thats the ET stand, dude. Thats where all the trendy upper-class types gather to sip chardonnay and talk about their stock investments. Bit of a wank-fest, it is. Still, theyre good people, were all Sharkie supporters down here, mate wankers or not.
I pull a pair of pocket binoculars out of my leather carry bag and sweep across the grandstand with them. The only wankers in sight are a few blokes wearing tracksuits, drinking beer from plastic cups and shuffling through Big League magazines.
I dont say anything. Instead, Im dragged further along the path.
And this, mate, is our pride and joy! The completely unreal ET Family Hill.
Who is ET? I ask, wondering why everything bears the name.
God, answers my guide without any sarcasm. But look at this beauty!
He stretches his arms out to encompass the whole scene.
A patch of yellowed grass punctuated by a concrete footpath and smeared with a lower concourse of seats. A few buildings stand towards the back, closest to a fence which overlooks a mangrove swamp below. And standing over it all looms a great monster of steel and wire a massive power pole.
Isnt it beautiful? he asks.
Its a power pole and a swamp, I reply dryly.
Dude its the ultimate juxtaposition of the power of man and the power of God!
You mean ET?
No mate, the other God! Look at those mangroves a haven of natural beauty, and this great piece of modern engineering he gestures towards the power pole together in the one place! Nothing is more gnarley, dude.
It looks like a power pole sticking out of a swamp to me. I dont let on, though the man is just too naturally friendly to disagree.
Anyway dude, I have to run. Hope you enjoyed your tour of a small slice of Gods country.
You mean ETs country?
Yeah mate!
Ahh
I was finally starting to understand this crazy little place
and it was absolutely gnarley, dude.
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Word count: A very bodacious 750 words, dude.