Rugged Rooster caught in a battle he just couldn't win
THINK DANIEL CONN, THINK TATTOOED tearaway hurling his imposing physique at opponents with little regard for self-preservation. A 102kg ball of muscle doing his best to lift his Roosters team-mates with a massive hit as they stormed into the 2010 decider.
Keep that image in your mind and then try to fathom the fear and frustration that gripped Conn just six weeks ago as he lay in intensive care battling disease and losing weight rapidly off his powerful frame.
Already struggling to come to terms with surgery to a neck injury that had forced him retire at just 25, this second blow left Conn a broken man.
"I developed a pretty bad bout of pneumonia and I lost about 15 kilos in one week," Conn reveals.
"I was in intensive care for a couple of extra days because there was so much blood on my lungs.
"Then when you don't get enough sleep, you just feel like a zombie getting around for the rest of the day."
It has been just 81 days since his last game but in that time the former Bulldog and Titan has had his world turned upside down. But he knows retiring was the right call. The only call. "I'm not getting paid enough to go out there and put my post-footy life at jeopardy," he continues. "I want to have kids one day and be able to live life once footy is over.
"The surgeon said I could play again if I really wanted to, but he said the risk just wasn't worth it and I'd be stupid.
"That's because I've already damaged (his neck) and played so long with the injury, that I've given my other joints around it no hope of recovering. I'd just be back in surgery and require a double fusion, then it wouldn't be so much about playing footy again but my lifestyle would be shot. "The surgeon showed me the close-up of the disc that was removed -- it was like a toothpaste substance.
"It was just all squashed up through my spinal cord and it's already damaged the vertebrae above it.
"All it would take would just be a normal tackle to cause a bit of grief, so it wasn't worth it."
Having battled the pneumonia, weight loss, depression and chronic headaches, Conn is slowly emerging from the darkness -- but the realisation is still sinking in that he'll never again play the game he loves. "I'm still struggling to be honest," he admits. "It still hasn't really sunk in that I won't get to play again unfortunately.
"It's probably starting to a bit more now that I can go in and see the boys every now and then. I'm feeling a lot better than a few weeks ago.
"I was a different person before the operation, in terms of my relationship with my friends, I just didn't really appreciate everything. Not so much in a selfish way, but because I was in pain and I was just worried about that.
"But my mood has been pretty good considering. I think that's just because of my friends and family that have been so good to me."
And then there's his "other" family at the Roosters. The blokes he shared so much joy with in 2010 as they almost pulled off a miracle premiership.
He won't get to charge into battle with them again but despite the pain, Conn has made a conscious effort to remain positive and supportive around the group.
"We had a function, probably three or four days before Daniel was to be operated on -- it was our player-sponsor dinner," reveals Roosters CEO Steve Noyce. "To be honest I didn't think Daniel would be there for obvious reasons.
"But he came along on the night in his suit, but he was just very clearly struggling with his neck.
"I went up to him and said, 'I really appreciate it' and he just said he wasn't going to let anyone down.
"So he certainly got a nomination from me in regards to those player values for the club.
"If Dan were to call me and say, 'Noycie, I just can't make it tonight', there wouldn't have been a problem. You could just tell how much pain he was in, but he didn't whinge. And I know his sponsor, and a lot of people, were just blown away by that respect and pride in the Roosters jersey."
For Conn, it was all about not letting his club down.
"I didn't want to make a big deal of it, because I knew a lot of people go through similar things," he says.
"I just wanted to show my face at the function.
"Noycie and Smithy and the Roosters have been unreal for me, looking after me.
"So I think I owe a lot to the club."
With his strength returning and his resilience kicking in, Conn has already turned an eye to the future, contacting Wests Tigers centre Chris Lawrence about helping out with his health and fitness business.
"It's amazing, a few doors close and a few more open," he says. "I'm the sort of bloke that's going to have no regrets no matter what happens.
"I'm just stoked to say I started at the Dogs, went to the Titans and finished at a good club like the Roosters."
"I'm not getting paid enough to go out there and put my post-footy life at jeopardy."
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By MATT LOGUE