Talledega is awesome, haven't laughed that hard since Holy Grail.
Texas Ranger Bobby: I'll scissor kick you in the back of the head!
Walker Bobby: Dad, you made that grace your bitch!
Walker Bobby: I like to think of Jesus as a ninja, fightin' off evil samurai.
Walker Bobby: One of you turds is about to get smacked in the mouth!
Walker Bobby: Chip, I'm gonna go apesh*t on your ass!
Walker Bobby: I'm ten years old, but I'll beat your ass!
Texas Ranger Bobby: Grandfather, can't we resolve this conflict peacefully?
Walker Bobby: Go shave your balls, you dusty old fart!
Texas Ranger Bobby: Well, if it isn't our mangy, transient grandfather.
Texas Ranger Bobby: I'm jacked up on Mountain Dew!
Carley Bobby: If we wanted us some wussies, we would have named them 'Dr. Quinn' and 'Medicine Woman', okay?
Reese Bobby: Applebee's has rats! I found a whole rat in my Cobb salad.
Announcer at Racetrack: The current driver, Jean Girard, is sitting on the pole, which is only a statement of fact and in no way a comment on the driver's sexual orientation.
Bill Weber: Coming up next on NBC, it's ice dancing to the hits of Motown.
Glenn: Sorry Lucius, but being a pit crew is a hard habit to break, like stalking an ex-girlfriend.
Texas Ranger Bobby: I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!
Reese Bobby: Shut up you little potlicker, I'll put you in a microwave!
Reese Bobby: If you ain't first, you're last!
Walker Bobby: How much you sellin' that weed for, old man?
Glenn: Peaches and cream!
Reese Bobby: (Getting thrown out of Ricky's school) This is egregious! You hear me? Egregious!
Chip: Remember: the fieldmouse is fast, but the owl sees at night. (Maniacal laughter)
Speed News Announcer: (about Girard) Before each race, he spends time with his prize-winning horses, who are also gay.
Lucius: (After Ricky has stabbed himself in the leg) Here, we'll use this knife to pry the other one out!
Susan: Ricky Bobby is not a thinker. Ricky Bobby is a driver.
Reese: You need to learn to drive with the fear, and there ain't nothin' more frightenin' than drivin' with a live cougar.