Meanwhile, on the subject of malaise from a day or so ago...
I've had an introspective day, I always struggle a bit in shit weather and today is about the worst weather imaginable. But usually I just wind up hating myself, and today has been oddly positive. I think I was feeling pretty worthless after everything that went down with my best friend. Anybody is going to feel shitty after someone who has promised so much and been there for so long suddenly rejects them, but for me it was crushing stuff. I still don't know exactly what happened, but I've realised today that I probably never will. It's been over a year, I'm not sure how much harder I can try. If people don't value my friendship then I can't make them change their mind. It doesn't make me a bad person. Instead of looking for every little thing about me that could have been the problem, I've just accepted that she wasn't what I thought she was. It's a weight off anyway, not constantly examining all your own flaws and wondering if people hate you for it....
