Discussion in 'Health, Fitness and Well Being' started by Patorick, Feb 20, 2017.
That is an horrific event, and I am sorry to hear that it happened.
Thanks for your comments.
And for reading some of my writing on BPD. You are right about the lens of a mental illness. There are many times I feel very dis-empowered, emotional and out of control.
But over time I've learned to accept these feelings and manage them better (not perfectly but much better). Not dwelling on the bad feelings that you get almost every day. And the complicated situations those of us with BPD get into almost every weekend as well.
Observing these negative thoughts, feelings and judgments. Acknowledging them, accepting them and letting them go. Or at least trying to (it is very difficult). Thinking for myself, being who I am and making up my own mind. Doing what I feel comfortable doing, not just what I feel obligated to do out of fear or guilt.
Hope that somewhat answers your questions/comments.
How you really feel is important. Good or bad, observing it, acknowledging it and accepting it. Or at least trying to (as hard as you possibly can).
Repressing your self with destructive diversions and binge behaviors is not the answer to your suffering. You are just numbing the pain and it doesn't go away like that.
Expressing yourself in the way that you have is good. Right thought and right intention. It will be ok. You are important. You matter. People care about you. Not everyone is going to get you but that's ok. Focus on the people who do and cherish them.
Others Are Only Objects of Compassion
March 4, 2015
Originally posted in Lama Zopa Rinpoche News.
In late November and early December 2014, Lama Zopa Rinpoche taught as part of the annual month-long Kopan course at Kopan Monastery in Nepal.
Rinpoche’s teachings covered a variety of subjects. What follows is an excerpt from a lightly edited transcript and video extract:
So you can see now – your life came from your mind.
In essence, your life, happiness, problems, whatever happiness, whatever problems, how much problems and how much happiness you have, the whole thing came from your mind.
It came from your mind.
Others who are angry with you, who kill you, who steal your possessions, who cheat you, who do the ten nonvirtuous actions, those who do those to you, those who harm you, they are purely, purely objects of compassion, your objects of compassion, because if you hadn’t harmed them in the past, if you hadn’t done those different harms, there would be no reason AT ALL for them to harm you in this life.
There is no reason AT ALL!
So it is a dependent arising; it all depends on how you treated them in the past. So it is the result… How they treat you, good or bad, it is the result of how you treated them in the past.
So whatever harm they give you, they are just a condition, they are purely an object of your compassion.
You treated them badly in a past life, so as a result, the karmic result is that they cheat you, that they harm you. It is just the result of your past negative karma of harming them.
So it all comes from your mind, it comes from your negative mind in the past, so they are just objects of your compassion.
You can find more MP3 recordings, transcripts and short video excerpts of Rinpoche’s teachings from the Kopan course on FPMT.org.
Learn more about Lama Zopa Rinpoche, spiritual director of the Foundation for the Preservation of Mahayana Tradition (FPMT), and Rinpoche’s vision for a better world. Sign up to receive news and updates.
Note: Gratitude and thanks to Amber for the link. You're ok. Later, Pat.
Published again. So grateful to Rita, Paul, the Australian BPD Foundation and the BPD Awareness Week for making this increasing awareness all happen.
1/10/2017 11:31 AM
Patrick, 33, has taken back control of his life
I was diagnosed with depression in 2003 and then, in 2007, with BPD. It took a really bad relationship break-up, and being hospitalized in psych wards, for that diagnosis to come around.
In a way it was a relief to find out that this is what I had, and how to manage it. And it helped explain a lot of my behavior in relationships and with friends, which to this day I feel bad about and really regret. I had a lot of trouble with boundaries; saying things I shouldn’t have said, doing things I shouldn’t have done, getting ‘up close and personal’ with people too quickly, taking advantage of people, emotionally manipulating people.
Fear of abandonment was also a big thing. With BPD I was always presuming someone was about to abandon me or break up with me. I was always anxious and worried so it was really difficult to maintain friendships and relationships and hard to get comfortable in social situations and at school and university. It’s a really intense feeling and the emotions are always there. That was what led to the diagnosis.
While being diagnosed helped in a way it was hard as well because so few people knew about BPD, and that’s still the case really. But it’s a bit easier for me now. I was diagnosed 10 years ago when I was 23 – so I’ve had ten years of learning about myself. And therapies like DBT and CBT (dialectical behavior therapy and cognitive behavior therapy) have helped me so much. And I’ve been so lucky because I have had some really good doctors and mental health clinicians who have helped me over the years. I’m at a stage now where I can reflect on things I’ve done but also on the opportunities I’ve been given. I’m grateful now for the things I have.
This may not be for everyone but sharing my BPD story publicly, and not hiding behind my mental health issues, has helped me too. ‘This is what I have,’ I tell people, ‘but it’s not the end of the world.’ Life goes on and you can get better. It’s been challenging but I’ve learned to manage it over the years and get better with it and I’ve made so many friends this year.
Therapy – and medication – has made a huge difference, though it was hard the first few years. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with me. I thought I could overcome my issues myself, by researching on the computer. But you’ve got to work with your doctor and psychologist. It really helps to find one you click with, one you trust, one who understands and validates you. There are still ups and downs but I can now support myself and I know what my triggers are, and I can accept my emotions and not take them out on other people.
But you need more than therapy or medication to improve your life. You’ve still got to take control and responsibility for actions. So I don’t drink or take recreational drugs. I don’t have a mobile phone either. This allows me to keep boundaries with friends and not burden people with my emotional issues on a day-to-day basis. Yoga and meditation also help. Then there’s Lego therapy! I’m so lucky because I’ve found something I’m passionate about. I’ve got back into collecting Lego and Transformers. One of my jobs is selling Lego and Transformers on eBay. I could spend all day playing with Lego, assembling sets and selling them. I enjoy this, I can make money from it, and I’m passionate about it. A lot of my friends work 9-5 and aren’t passionate at all about their work. I’m grateful I get to do what I want to do.
No-one is perfect. I’ve got a lot of mental health issues and physical health issues. But all I can be is be the best person I can be and minimize the negative effects I have on myself and others. To just be mindful of who I am and what I say and what I do. I don’t want to make excuses for myself, or feel sorry for myself, or go back into hiding and block people out of my life. I’m proud of who I am. I like who I am and, despite the issues I’ve faced, I want to be the best person I can be.
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