Fetishes

[Eelementary]

Well there wouldn't be much sleeping. I would be more concerned if they did actually stay for the sleep and the spoon.

I'm interested about the emotional status you give the physical act of sex.What about if our girlfriend had a girlfriend who she to,d secrets about herself too that she didn't share with you.Would that be the same deal breaker than her seeking a dick that fit her better for sexual relief sometimes? it's really about accepting,and embracing that no one person can fill all the needs a person has. that just leads to a stale ,never growing relationships and people.Most people are comfortable when their partner needs to confide in a person outside the relationship,or share work challenges with another .They can see that the new ideas enrich their relationship.

I can't really understand how people feel that they could always be everything their partner needs sexually when they acknowledge that they can't be everything in other areas.

It's not a matter of being right or wrong .Sex as sex is really only destructive when the messages are mixed between a couple.

I haven't always thought this.But I've learnt it over many years.

Well, she does have a few friends she confides in, and I am pretty sure she tells them stuff she doesn't tell me. And that's fine.

But I am not convinced that you can draw a line here - even a person who is another person's soul mate will never be able to be 100% perfect for that person, but seeing as perfection is impossible, close enough to be good is usually good enough.

I find it interesting, though, that you seem to think sex and emotions can be separated, and yet you use the example of someone emotionally confiding in someone else to make your analogy to sex. To me, the fact that that comparison was made indicates that, for the most part, sex isn't usually just sex; it often entails deeper aspects of which we, as a society, rarely scratch the surface.

But do you see confiding in other friends and having sex with another person to fill a void as the same terms? I cannot say that they are equal.

 

[sportive cupid]

I think you might be misinterpreting what I mean ( could be how I've put it).

I don't think sex and emotion should always and necessarily separated. what I do think is that it's conceivable that the two can be ,when sex is ,in the end, a physical act.

I think that there are lots of things that are important in a sustainable quality relationship.The most important are probably,in my opinion, communication,growth and trust.

I just don't happen to think its that outrageous that sometimes involving other people and things in your sex life could be part of that quality relationship.i don't think it's compulsory,but I don't think its for others to judge .

 

[Eelementary]

I think you might be misinterpreting what I mean ( could be how I've put it).

I don't think sex and emotion should always and necessarily separated. what I do think is that it's conceivable that the two can be ,when sex is ,in the end, a physical act.

I think that there are lots of things that are important in a sustainable quality relationship.The most important are probably,in my opinion, communication,growth and trust.

I just don't happen to think its that outrageous that sometimes involving other people and things in your sex life could be part of that quality relationship.i don't think it's compulsory,but I don't think its for others to judge either.

Ah - gotcha!

I agree with you - if both parties agree to involve other people in their sex lives, then I have no issue with it at all. It's their business.

 

[Drew-Sta]

I don't think sex and emotion should always and necessarily separated. what I do think is that it's conceivable that the two can be ,when sex is ,in the end, a physical act.

I'm not sure sex and emotion are able to be separated; I think both are, intrinsically, linked. One can 'put aside' emotion, but in my opinion I suspect it is repression rather than segmentation.

Sex and intimacy (and by extension emotion) are both interwoven for my thinking.

 

[Apey]

I'm not sure sex and emotion are able to be separated; I think both are, intrinsically, linked.

Based on what?

 

[BDR]

I'm not sure sex and emotion are able to be separated; I think both are, intrinsically, linked. One can 'put aside' emotion, but in my opinion I suspect it is repression rather than segmentation.

Sex and intimacy (and by extension emotion) are both interwoven for my thinking.

Sorry Drew, but I can't go along with that. I could give you names of women I've felt nothing for other than her nose was cute or she was wearing a pretty dress that night. I'm almost certain they felt the same way in all cases.

You can't deny that there is a certain bond forged with sex, but it's not as strong or as emotionally powerful as many would have you believe.

 

[Drew-Sta]

Sorry Drew, but I can't go along with that. I could give you names of women I've felt nothing for other than her nose was cute or she was wearing a pretty dress that night. I'm almost certain they felt the same way in all cases.

You can't deny that there is a certain bond forged with sex, but it's not as strong or as emotionally powerful as many would have you believe.

You agree there's a bond, though, right?

That's the point I'm trying to make. It isn't running on a treadmill or playing a game of footy; in that way it isn't a physical act.

There is some joining that is undeniable. I believe its emotional, of a sort, but I'm aware others don't.

 

[Drew-Sta]

Based on what?

Experience, observation, worldview.

 

[BDR]

I only think it's a bond in that you've shared an intimate experience between the two of you. I don't believe it adds or intensifies any emotional attachment I have to that person. However you aren't going to look her in the eyes in the same way ever again after you've had sex with her. It's like a lifelong ice breaker :lol:

I still think it's more a social construct than an innate magic around the physical act of sex though.

 

[Drew-Sta]

I only think it's a bond in that you've shared an intimate experience between the two of you. I don't believe it adds or intensifies any emotional attachment I have to that person. However you aren't going to look her in the eyes in the same way ever again after you've had sex with her. It's like a lifelong ice breaker :lol:

I still think it's more a social construct than an innate magic around the physical act of sex though.

No offense, but there's no logic in that.

An act that changes your relationship with a person has to be more significant than just something physical; otherwise, why would it change the relationship?

 

[BDR]

I think we're having a communication problem - I thought you were using the term emotion/emotional in the context of feeling love or an attachment.

I'm not denying there are certain emotions, but what I was getting at is that I have no desire to ever love or even SPEAK to a girl ever again just because we had sex. Of course I usually do speak to them again because I tend to choose the girls I take home wisely. I'm just saying that the act of sex can (and IMO should) be separated from love.

 

[Drew-Sta]

I think we're having a communication problem - I thought you were using the term emotion/emotional in the context of feeling love or an attachment.

I'm using 'emotion' to suggest there is something more than just a physical act.

I'm not denying there are certain emotions, but what I was getting at is that I have no desire to ever love or even SPEAK to a girl ever again just because we had sex. Of course I usually do speak to them again because I tend to choose the girls I take home wisely. I'm just saying that the act of sex can (and IMO should) be separated from love.

I'm using it in the sense that the act of sex cannot be separated by an act of love. When you are having sex, you usually attempt to pleasure the other. That, in effect, is you 'loving' the other person by wanting them to experience the pleasure inherent in sex.

At its base level, if all you're doing is getting your rocks off, its an act of self love; you want to experience the pleasure it can bring.

And you dodge my question ;-) How can an act, if its only physical, change your relationship with someone? If my relationship with people changed when I shook hands with them, I would of course pay more attention to whom I did said act. I'm simply suggesting sex is the same; we choose who we sleep with and it tends to change the relationship as a consequence.

 

[BDR]

Unless the woman I'm with is a long term partner of mine who I have developed feelings for, I don't have ANY feelings of love for someone I'm with. The act of pleasuring my partner heightens my own pleasure, otherwise I wouldn't do it.

I didn't dodge it at all man, I answered it. There are emotions around sex, but I don't think love is necessarily one of them. Of course it sometimes is, but in the context of a one night stand awkwardness, fear (of social consequences), excitement, anticipation are all emotions you feel that don't induce feelings of love or attachment. It changes your relationship because you are literally laid bare and you physically share your body with another person. It's something so alien to all other forms of interaction that there's no escaping the fact that it changes your relationship.

We as a culture have so many taboos about nudity and sexuality that when you go through that experience with someone it's like you've shared a piece of a secret with them. The change in a relationship is the result of bending or breaking those taboos with somebody. If we understood and did away with all that shit I believe it would be possible to have purely physical sex.

 

[Aragorn]

You agree there's a bond, though, right?

That's the point I'm trying to make. It isn't running on a treadmill or playing a game of footy; in that way it isn't a physical act.

There is some joining that is undeniable. I believe its emotional, of a sort, but I'm aware others don't.

you`re obviously a chick

 

[1 Eyed TEZZA]

We as a culture have so many taboos about nudity and sexuality that when you go through that experience with someone it's like you've shared a piece of a secret with them. The change in a relationship is the result of bending or breaking those taboos with somebody. If we understood and did away with all that shit I believe it would be possible to have purely physical sex.

Game. Set. Match.

 

[Misanthrope]

Game. Set. Match.

I've had purely physical sex. I'm sure I'm not alone in being able to say that. Not with a partner, but with a fling.

 

[1 Eyed TEZZA]

I'm using it in the sense that the act of sex cannot be separated by an act of love. When you are having sex, you usually attempt to pleasure the other. That, in effect, is you 'loving' the other person by wanting them to experience the pleasure inherent in sex.

At its base level, if all you're doing is getting your rocks off, its an act of self love; you want to experience the pleasure it can bring.

So when you have a wank, do you feel an emotional sense of you loving yourself? After all, if pleasuring someone else sexually is, as you said "you loving them", are you than loving yourself?

 

[1 Eyed TEZZA]

I've had purely physical sex. I'm sure I'm not alone in being able to say that. Not with a partner, but with a fling.

So have I mate. I've had sex with my missus where it was purely physical. I love her and she loves me. But I can and do have sex with her because it feels great. It physically feels great. And in saying that, I could quite easily love her without sex.

My comment in response to BDR's post was me agreeing with him and that some people can not be influenced by those taboos.

 

[Dragon2010]

This thread has certainly gotten, interesting.

 

[Skinner]

Right you lot......back on topic :

Thigh high boots, micro mini skirt, no knickers............