Tittoolate makes a manly effort to touch his toes, drags on the mighty Titan's jumper, and gets the Bunnies in his sights with this 747 words (OWC) below the line.
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Five reasons Queenslanders should love NSW
I admit it. With the closing of Origin Game One I became a confirmed lover of all things NSW. So compelled am I by this newfound adoration that I chronicle it here for posterity. All of us cane toads should be able to say I just LOVE NSW without retching. Honestly, there is just so much to moon about. Here are five examples that, as an ensemble, validate my starry-eyed affection.
Geography.
NSW is conveniently shaped like a big square, with decay along one edge (reminding me NSW is rotten to the core, but more of this later, and whoops I am trying to be positive). The state covers 800,000 square km and has Australias longest cumulative land border; 4635km. Its border:surface ratio at 0.58% is the second largest of the mainland states (after Victoria, 1.12%). Queenslands is a modest 0.19%. An errant traveller will find it three times easier to escape NSW over any border than it is to escape Gods own state. This is important. Demographics show NSW is a net exporter of people to Queensland (sunshine, sand, seafood) as more people need to escape NSW (pollution, corruption, Josh Dugan) than the reverse. You see my point. Statistically one is closer to a border (any border will do) in NSW making it quick to escape, saving sanity and virginity.
Also, thanks NSW for being in between Victoria and us. Really.
Corruption.
Thanks Eddie n friends, you make us look good. We cant hold a candle to them up here, and so entertaining to watch! But its not just in mining/politics/union/Grange that they trounce us. A quick flick through the Albert & Logan Community Newspaper of 24 May highlights some inventive rulings in Rugby League as well. For instance:
a. Inclusion of the 1987 LA exhibition as a bona fide Origin game to help balance the win/loss ratio.
b. NSW altered the stripping rule because Alfie was making such Muppets out of their players.
c. NSW banned the marker contesting the play-the-ball with his boot because of The Emperors mastery in this phase.
d. Josh Reynolds NOT being confined to play for the Long Bay Butt-Rogerers but instead permitted to again sully the (already low) reputation of the Blues, because of the most blatant, illegal, dangerous, irresponsible and plain stupid tackle Ive ever witnessed.
BIG Tourist Attractions.
NSW trounces Queensland in the bizarre race to construct BIG tourist attractions. We all love the Banana at Coffs and the scary glowing-eyed Merino at Goulburn, but my enchantment with NSW has lead me to discover some rippers!
a. Pro Harts Big Ant at Broken Hill. See? There is a reason to visit!
b. Not one, but two big apples (Batlow and Yerrinbool wherever that is). The more the merrier I say!
c. The Big Ayers Rock at North Arm Cove. Out of place? NEVER!
d. Broken Hill scores again with the Big Bench. Um. Nope. I dont get it either.
e. Two Big Chooks at two places no one ever wants to go to, Moonbi and somewhere else.
f. Hexhams Big Mozzie. And many more for them I say.
g. The Big Poo at Kiama. Yep. Says it all. Thanks Kiama for making my point so eloquently.
Role Models.
Josh Dugan. Who would have thought that those wankers at the NRL would spot his bird on Instagram? Still its good to see him back in Blue.
Joey Johns. Brilliant. Lessons 1 to 10 in how to tarnish a virtually untarnishable playing reputation through execrable off-field behaviour.
Paul Gallen. Still the losingest Origin captain!
Hopate (John, not Will, though Jamil is showing signs of carrying on some proud family traditions). Should get a look-in to the Guinness Book of Records for being able to couple ugly with stupid with gross all with one digit.
Anthony Watmough. So many to choose from. Punching a sponsor in 2009 and landing a criminal infringement for getting caught urinating in public are two favourites.
See kids?
This is NSW-style!
State of Origin.
Yes, I sign off this love-letter with a reflection on Origin. Thanks NSW for being there while Queensland won eight on the trot since 2006. Thanks for continuing to whinge about Greg Inglis. Thanks for whinging about the ref, the weather or the fates when you lose; the Maroons take a loss on the chin and redouble efforts. And dont get ahead of yourselves
. its not over.