Ask LU - The Relationship Advice Thread III

[SeeJay]

It's a setup. He's my a friend of my friends fiance... If that makes sense.

Apparently he's shy too. But my friend has been talking me up a little too much i think.

I trust her judgement. She knows what I've been through and wouldn't set me up with a douchebag.

Just remember to maintain calm tits throughout the date.

 

[Dani]

Guess who got flowers delivered to work just now...

 

[muzby]

joe hockey?

 

[Twizzle]

nice Dani

 

[SeeJay]

Guess who got flowers delivered to work just now...

so it appears you maintained calm tits. good job.

 

[sensesmaybenumbed]

Guess who got flowers delivered to work just now...

Jeebus. Can we all sit on the brides side?

 

[Misanthrope]

Got two dates this week.

Kenya and I are doing dinner and drinks tomorrow night, and Michigan is coming over on Sunday night so I can cook her dinner and we can watch a movie.

Shit's going down.

 

[Dragon2010]

Got two dates this week.

Kenya and I are doing dinner and drinks tomorrow night, and Michigan is coming over on Sunday night so I can cook her dinner and we can watch a movie.

Shit's going down.

How much secks is involved?

 

[Misanthrope]

With Kenya? I would imagine none, as it's only a first date.

With Michigan, judging from the increasing frequency of her drunk dials, I'd be quietly confident.

 

[Cliffhanger]

By coincidence I am in Thailand at the moment

If he is going to cheat on you he doesn't have to be in Thailand to do it

I know his ex will be with him but all you can do is trust that his respect for you is such that he won't cross any lines

If he does he isn't the guy u think he is

As an aside there is a 10 pm to 5am curfew on here at the moment since the military staged a coup last week so pissing it up all night isn't an option

Also every motel has free kickarse wifi so you can Skype daily if you need to. Thailand is three hours behind oz so it's pretty easy to arrange times. Telstra global roaming is like 75 cents a text. Optus is 50cents a text from Thailand

Good luck cliff

I told him i let it go because while i don't like it I understand why he's doing it.

I trust him. I know he's loyal and if I'm wrong well I know my worth and when I'm ready there'll be someone else.

 

[sportive cupid]

Why is he doing it btw?

 

[Misanthrope]

Here's what frustrates me about women.

Really liked Michigan to the point that I was ready to commit to something more serious with her after our 4-5 dates. She panicked and pulled back.

Now that I'm leaving, she's suddenly all about me.

On the flip side, Kenya is quite into me, but is pulling back now because I'm leaving and she wants a romantic relationship.

Would have been good to meet Kenya back when Michigan was making me jump through hoops. She's a very cool chick, and not a head f**k like Michigan has proven to be.

 

[t-ba]

There's typically a reason people move halfway across the world (beyond having a sense of adventure) and commitment issues can top that list.

It can be a shit of a game out here amongst expats if you're looking for something more. I fell into that trap with the first girl I had some fun with in China and it damn near broke my heart.

Conversely, there's a vast horde of scary, possessive local women looking for commitment...lol.

 

[Misanthrope]

I've known a decent amount of people who have met (and married) somebody abroad, but it's true that a lot of expats (particularly men) see time abroad as play time.

Definitely hear you on the crazy possessive locals. I'm lucky I don't find the Chinese remotely attractive on any level.

 

[Cliffhanger]

So I'll never know what was really going on but a day after he came back from overseas he dumped me. He blamed me saying I was controlling and didn't understand him and that it bothered him I'd had sex with guys before him. Turns out the girl was moving to Australia which I found out later on my own. Anyway he decided to bring her into my work so unroofed myself she was shocked. He told her I was crazy and told her to walk away and then he grabbed me by both wrists and threatened to destroy me if I talked to her again.

Reflecting on the experience he was an emotionally manipulative, pathological liar and I enabled those behaviours because I was afraid to walk away. Anyway we broke up two months ago. I'm still healing but, I know I dodged a bullet there.

 

[Twizzle]

he sounds like a royal douchebag

better off without him

 

[soc123_au]

That's a shame Cliffy. Chalk it up as experience & use what you have learned in making choices in your next relationship.

 

[Cliffhanger]

I know. The problem is while I know it wasn't him I loved but the person I thought he was, those feelings were still real and genuine and I have to put up with this stupid grieving process and it sucks, because he just got away with it, he doesn't have to hurt or anything while I had to pick up the pieces.

I know it's a valuable lesson, I know I'm better off, I know I deserve so much better and I'll get it one day but I'm still numb most of the time, I just want my thoughts back, I want to feel nothing towards him not even hate, anger and pity. He isn't worth it and those emotions are toxic but yeah, it still feels rough.

 

[soc123_au]

It is rough. It will get better though & as stupid as it probably sounds now you are better equipped to deal with similar pricks if you are unlucky enough to encounter another one. Try not to let it make you too jaded.

 

[Cliffhanger]

My instincts kept telling me something was wrong but, I believed what I wanted to. My guard is up but, not too high, I'm going to be more patient in the future, I think that was a huge downfall for me.