Bizarre Accidents and Even Stranger Excuses

[veggiepatch1959]

Over the years, I've had some pretty crazy accidents resulting in a range of injuries. I'll start the ball rolling.

I have no fear of sharks or venomous snakes and spiders but I have a strong phobia of dragonflies. Why? I don't know - the things are harmless.

One day when working in the front yard, a dragonfly started buzzing me so I picked up a golf club, swinging wildly trying to kill it. Next thing I had a searing pain in the left side of my face.

The head of the club had struck a star picket and broke off, striking me in the left checkbone, fracturing it and resulted in six weeks off work. OUCH!!

 

[veggiepatch1959]

Now for a strange excuse.

An ex girlfriend of mine worked in Emergency at Manly Hospital when a guy in his late teen came in complaining of severe pain in his lower abdomen. On further examination, he was found to have a large lemon inserted a few inches up his rectum.

When asked what happened, he replied he was in the shower and slipped and the lemon "just went up there".

Yeah sure mate!!

Who would have a lemon lying in a shower in the first place? Sounds like a case of fruit insertion gone wrong.

 

[Chicken_Hunter]

I saw someone stub their toe once.. Was hectic.

 

[Dragon2010]

Oh god, I'm not the only one. I'm bloody petrified of Dragonflies to. Anything else no fuss. Spiders, and so forth. Heck I've seen venomous 1ft away from me at my uncles farm and I'd panic less then seeing a dragonfly.

For me, one day there was this girl who wanted to catch-up with me. For some reason I really could not be bothered to go out, so I told her I was sick. But when really all I wanted to do was play World of Warcraft. (I've quit now). Yes I'm an ass, looking at it now I was silly.

 

[thorson1987]

With a stepmother who is a nurse and a sister-in-law who is a paramedic, i've heard of plenty of people who have slipped over in the shower and something has got stuck up their arse

 

[Fire]

...

 

[Fire]

Sort of relates to this thread. Just found out this morning my mate lost both his legs in a car accident. Thought he was joking when he told me. Going to the hospital to see him tomorrow.

 

[Dragon2010]

I once knew a friend. He preceded to shove an open sharpie permanent marker up his ass. Was umm...interesting. His excuse? Science.

 

[Twizzle]

happens to me all the time

 

[adamkungl]

Now for a strange excuse.

An ex girlfriend of mine worked in Emergency at Manly Hospital when a guy in his late teen came in complaining of severe pain in his lower abdomen. On further examination, he was found to have a large lemon inserted a few inches up his rectum.

When asked what happened, he replied he was in the shower and slipped and the lemon "just went up there".

Yeah sure mate!!

Who would have a lemon lying in a shower in the first place? Sounds like a case of fruit insertion gone wrong.

:lol: "It was a million to one shot, doc!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eghL7ORV1lg

 

[veggiepatch1959]

I once knew a friend. He preceded to shove an open sharpie permanent marker up his ass. Was umm...interesting. His excuse? Science.

A case of bad penmanship.

I suppose all he wrote was shit.

Since you once knew him as a friend, did he die? Or he wasn't kinky enough for you?

 

[AlwaysGreen]

I once knew a friend. He preceded to shove an open sharpie permanent marker up his ass. Was umm...interesting. His excuse? Science.

Friend :roll:

 

[Dragon2010]

A case of bad penmanship.

I suppose all he wrote was shit.

Since you once knew him as a friend, did he die? Or he wasn't kinky enough for you?

Friends come and go. I just lost contact with him.

Friend :roll:

Haha. I'm not that sick.

 

[Rhino_NQ]

i managed to snap my shoulder playing touch football

 

[gUt]

My eldest daughter would love this thread. She makes me tell her a 'hurt story' most nights; tales of me getting smashed/cut etc.

 

[Nuke]

I once knew a friend. He preceded to shove an open sharpie permanent marker up his ass. Was umm...interesting. His excuse? Science.

I know a joke like this.

A doctor goes into the bank to deposit some money. He goes to take out his biro to fill in the deposit form, but instead, all he has in his pocket was an anal thermometer.
"Ah great. That's just great" says the doctor. "Some arsehole's got my pen".

 

[Ozzy]

I once knew a friend. He preceded to shove an open sharpie permanent marker up his ass. Was umm...interesting. His excuse? Science.

I've heard of people talking through their arse but writing through it is a new one to me.

 

[Mong]

Run a bank and want to rob it?

Here's a novel excuse

GOLD Coast bank manager accused of stealing $40,000 from his own bank has been ordered to stand trial despite the magistrate describing him as a "saint".


John Thomas Forrester, 50, said he was on his way to work last April when he was reportedly carjacked, injected with a syringe containing a mysterious substance and told to steal $40,000 from his bank and drop it in a suburban park or he would die.
A committal hearing in Southport Magistrates Court was told Mr Forrester believed a bomb would be triggered at the Bank of Queensland Mudgeeraba branch by the attackers if he failed.

Apparently it was Irish revolutionaries behind it all. He had to get the money then they would give him the vaccine.

As it turned out, the prosecution was unable to disprove his story (shock horror) so he was acquitted.

Then he went back to his job doing the same thing in the same branch.

http://www.news.com.au/business/car...al/story-e6frfm1i-1225848401489#ixzz2I4mtQIMY

 

[IanG]

The guy's give names are John Thomas. You'd think he's have enough problems

 

[Dragon2010]

I've heard of people talking through their arse but writing through it is a new one to me.

Oh, It was a laugh. The fact it was open just makes it even better. Instant classic for me.