Darwin Awards

[madunit]

David, a 42 year old man from Mieola, was more desperate to be rid of his flab than most.
Why not save money and allow his friend to perform amateur liposuction on him in his garage?
As you might guess, using a vacuum for liposuction is not the safest weight loss scheme available. David died in the makeshift medical clinic, the victim of a lidocaine overdose. Anyone foolish enough to lie back and take the medical ministrations of an unlicensed liposuctionist in his garage workshop deserves to win a Darwin for heedless vanity.
The fake physician apologised to David's family.

 

[madunit]

On a warm summer night in the Netherlands an Italian resident who had picked up the habit of sleeping in the open air during sweltering Mediterranean summer nights, decided to bed down on the roof. He climbed to the top of his apartment and arranged a comfortable bed, but paid little attention to the slope of the roof. Perhaps the night would have ended more happily if he had tucked himself in securely. Instead he fell asleep on top of his blanket, rolled down the incline and plunged to his death.

 

[madunit]

Not a Darwin-but bloody funny!

This is a personal account from a doctor.

Late one Saturday night I was paged to get down to the emergency room STAT.
As I rushed down the corridor, I heard increasingly loud screams, but curiously, also laughter. I rounded the corner and nearly ran into a nurse leaning against the wall with a pan full of syringes. She was laughing so hard she was crying.
The ambulance had just brought in a very drunken man, wearing nothing but a shirt and a bloody towel around his waist. He was too intoxicated and in too much pain to say what he had been doing, but his entire crotch area was filled with porcupine quills. It took us the better part of 3 hours to remove them all.

 

[madunit]

Two 28 year old construction workers, reportedly experienced in their work, fell 100 feet after they were cutting a hole through thick concrete without realizing they were standing in the centre of the circle. Neither was wearing a safety harness to arrest his 8 storey plunge.

 

[madunit]

A security guard trying to impress some women took a deadly gamble, losing his deadly game of Russian roulette. Police say Victor, 21, died instantly when he put his .38 caliber revolver to his head and pulled the trigger. Victor was "trying to impress female friends" according to news reports. The ladies were not available for comment, but one presumes that they were underwhelmed.

 

[madunit]

A 32 year old man hitching a ride on a pallet truck died when the vehicle passed under a bridge at 55 mph and the concrete overpass struck the mans head. The driver told police that he had warned the riders not to sit up but they were "hardheaded" and wouldn't listen.

Apparently not hardheaded enough

 

[madunit]

Here's a doozey!

The following is an accident report. Here is the background so you don't get lost ;-)
This man was in an accident at work, so he filled out an insurance claim. The insurance company contacted him and asked for more information. This is what he told them.

"I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new eighty foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now unneeded tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using the pulley attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower.

"Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and materials into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 300 pounds of tools.

"You will not in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh only 155 pounds. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope.

"Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate of speed up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40 foot level, I met the barrell coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken collarbone.

"Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers on my right hand were 2 knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regathered my presence of mind and was able to hold onto the rope in spite of my pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of tools hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel.

"Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed approximately 20 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower.

"In the vicinity of the 40 foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the 2 broken ankles, and the lacerations of my legs and lower body.

"The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when i fell onto the pile of tools and, fortunately, only 3 verterbrae were cracked.

"I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the tools, in pain, unable to stand and watching the empty barrel eighty foot above me, I again lost my presence of mind.

"I let go of the rope..."

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[Choppies]

all classics :lol:

 

[lolesi]

Hahahahaha
great find

 

[madunit]

when madunit gets time he will post more. He has heaps of em :mrgreen:

 

[lolesi]

Looking forward to it

 

[Paullyboy]

I bought my brother that book for chrismas last year, I reckon I read it more than him

 

[Twizzle]

The first one really sucked

 

[madunit]

always focussing on the negative aren't ya Twizzle

 

[Manly Preniers in 2005]

I suppose he is, but they weren't so great unit.