http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/sport/nrl/flanagan-44/story-e6frexrr-1226604096614
Shane Flanagan back in charge at the Sharks on Saturday. Picture: Miller Kristi Source: The Sunday Telegraph
THERE were days I didn't want to leave the house. I felt isolated. My entire world had been turned upside down.
I didn't want to face that world. This isn't me, I would tell myself. Why do I feel this way? I know I haven't done anything wrong.
One minute I was preparing for the most exciting NRL season with our best roster at the Sharks, the next I'm watching my boys run on to the field from behind tinted glass at a private box, high up at ANZ Stadium.
I felt like some sort of criminal. My biggest concern was that for the first time in 28 years of footy, my integrity was in question.
The worst I've done is get sin-binned a few times. Now this. It hit me hard.
My son is a junior coming through the Sharks system and he's reading the paper about his dad being associated with an ASADA investigation. That hurt me.
In the back of my mind, I always felt confident the Cronulla board would get the answers they needed to re-instate me and I thank them for that.
Its great to be back. There's work to be done - and topping the list is re-signing Todd Carney.
That's why after we win today, next week I want to sit down with our acting CEO Bruno Cullen and Todd's management.
Unfortunately, there have been greater issues to deal with of late, which have put any deal on the backburner.
But I'm confident that now I'm back we can zero-in on stabilising this hugely talented squad, of which Todd is a major part.
Todd is so important to our club and I know he wants to stay. He's told me as much and we'll work to get a deal done.
He knows I want him here, too. He's a special talent who is also a future captain of this club. Every player needs stability and that's what I hope can be provided to the group.
I've said it before, I would love to have the four staff members who were sacked back with me. But that decision isn't up to me.
I'm thankful to be back with the club and players I love.
But, geez, it was tough.
The support kept me going. Of course, the fans have been overwhelming. I openly cried when I saw the effort the fans went to in that round-one win against the Gold Coast.
The support came from everywhere. Rival coaches, ex-players, ex-staff, high-profile media, some of the biggest names in town, all walks of life.
If I could personally thank everyone for their support, I would. But, truth be told, it's the players that gave me the greatest hope.
They got me through.
Especially blokes like Paul Gallen, Wade Graham and all the new guys I brought to the club, such as Luke Lewis, Chris Heighington, Bryce Gibbs, Michael Gordon and Todd Carney.
They got me through to last Friday, where at 8am I was told by the Cronulla board that I would be re-instated as head coach. It was a special day.
The first people I told were my wife Cathie and Mum and Dad. Then I rang Gal.
He and I have been through plenty together and, as captain, the pressure to lead this club out of troubled waters weighs heavily on his shoulders. He's a proud man.
The players look up to him and he carries that responsibility with great respect.
When Gal is happy, the players are happy, so you bet I was pleased to see that extra spring in his step yesterday at our final training run before today's game.
I took a moment at the end of yesterday's session to watch the boys from afar.
Just watching these guys, not as players but as men.
They're quality people. Standing there, any question of how could I turn my back on these guys was answered.
Last year, I knocked back a pretty good deal, ironically from today's opposition, the New Zealand Warriors because I couldn't leave these players.
I've got no regrets whatsoever.
This is my team and I'll be damned if people think this will be a wasted season.
The season has just begun as far as I'm concerned.
I can't predict what is going to happen over the next few weeks. We'll take each day as it comes and confront every challenge as a team. We're all one here at the Sharks.
I still believe loyalty exists in the game.
My assistant Peter Sharp has done a wonderful job in my absence, but I'm pretty sure he's happy to hand the clipboard back.
As a team, we can get back to being the side we trained an entire off-season to be.
We were terrible against Souths last Monday night.
Our mental preparation and routine being thrown out the window showed in our lacklustre performance. I need to get these guys focused again on playing with the attention to detail.
We did that well last year.
But we haven't had that yet. When you do that as an individual, it shows as a team and you win football games.
I can't wait to get go to work today. I'll walk out of the house with a smile.
It's great to be back.
Much like the SharksForever Forum only much better with far more supporters.
