Funniest Simpsons lines ever

[brook]

Homer: now I've had my head inside an elephant, a hippo and a giant sloth

 

[Mr Saab]

Homer.... well crying about it wont bring your dog back, unless your tears smell like dog food (laddie episode)

Ralph....My cats breath smells like cat food (diarama episode)

 

[Stranger]

Lisa : Hey dad was right

Homer: I know kids im scared to :lol:

 

[God-King Dean]

*when Homer gets abducted by aliens*

Homer: Please, I have a wife & kids, eat them

 

[Stranger]

*when Homer gets abducted by aliens*

Homer: Please, I have a wife & kids, eat them

:lol: love that one

Chief Wiggum: And ralphie if your nose bleeds your picking it to much...... or not enough

 

[raiders_boy]

Lisa: Do you have any fruit?

Homer: This donut has purple stuff in it... Purple is a fruit

 

[Phillips]

Homer: "so i said, kiss my asphalt...heh heh heh"

 

[choc_soldier]

Homer: I wish God were alive to see this.

That's my favourite, closely followed by...

Homer: Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Postal worker: OK Mr. Burns, what's your first name?
Homer: I don't know.

And an honorable mention...

Homer: You tried your best, and you failed miserably. The motto is, "never try". [or something like that]

 

[choc_soldier]

Homer: SAVE ME JEEBUS! :lol:

 

[Feez_Giggles]

:lol: :lol:

love all those

 

[Feez_Giggles]

Todd: Lies make baby Jesus cry

:lol:

 

[choc_soldier]

Homer: Ahh, i love these lazy Saturdays
Marge: Its Wednesday
Homer: *Screams and runs off*
...
Homer: I love these real Saturdays, not like that fake Saturday that almost got me fired...

Marge: The plant called and said if you don't come in tomorrow,
don't bother coming in Monday.
Homer: Woohoo, four day weekend!

 

[Feez_Giggles]

:lol:

more ralph

Me fail English? That's unpossible.

Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.

 

[Feez_Giggles]

Homer: The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

 

[Feez_Giggles]

does anyone else here the characters voices in their heads when they read these?? it makes it so much funnier

its like watching tv in my brain

 

[Freddo]

Marge: Im Sorry Im Sorry Im Sorry
Homer: Sorry Doesnt Put Thumbs On The Hand

and from the same episode

Homer: Did You Ever See That Blue Man Group Total Rip Off Of The Smurfs and The Smurfs They Suck

Homer: Save Mr X Oh Wait Im Mr X

 

[choc_soldier]

Ralph: When I grow up, I want to be either a principal, or a caterpillar


And this classic...

Agent: Tell you what, sir. From now on, you'll be, uh, Homer Thompson at Terror Lake. Let's just practice a bit, hmm? When I say,"Hello, Mr. Thompson," you'll say, "Hi."
Homer: Check.
Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
Homer: (stares blankly)
Agent: Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson.
Homer: I gotcha.
Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
Homer: (stares blankly)
(A long time later)
Agent: (sighs in frustration) Now, when I say, "Hello, Mr. Thompson," and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
Homer: No problem.
Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson! (stomps on Homer's foot a few times)
Homer: (stares blankly) (to other agent) I think he's talking to YOU.

 

[Dr Crane]

I love the halloween episodes when Homer gets pulled up into the spaceship when he's too heavy and needs another tractor beam.

Also

"Ahh, the lake, so relaxing it doesn't even matter if i don't catch a fish....

..WHY THE HELL WON'T YOU BITE? Don't make me come down there!"

Then the spaceship uses those claws to pull him up, but he slips and falls into the lake, the claw goes into the water, fishes him out and pulls him up.


"Now, remember, we are just newlyweds on our way to earth captial"

 

[DJ Raida]

Homer decides to enlist the help of a local vigilante.

Man: Now don't you fret. When I'm through, he won't set foot in this
town again. I can be very, _very_ persuasive. [reloads his gun]
[Scene change to a bar]
Man: [whining] C'mon, leave town!
Bob: No.
Man: I'll be your friend?
Bob: No.
Man: Aw, you're mean!

 

[DJ Raida]

and from the same episode

Bart walks down the street, when he hears a voice say coldly, "Hello,
Bart." It's Sideshow Bob strapped to the bottom of another car. Bart
asks what Bob wants, but Bob plays innocent: "Surely there's no harm in
laying the middle of a public street?" Bob didn't figure on the parade
that comes marching along, complete with elephants, as "Terror Lake
celebrates Hannibal crossing the Alps."

oh not the elephants!