Funniest Simpsons lines ever

[Choppies]

Sunday school teacher: The ventriloquist goes to heaven, but the dummy doesn't!

 

[Choppies]

Homer: Oh, Lisa, you and your stories! Bart is a vampire. Beer kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that...building...thingy...were our beds and TV...is...

Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel: Hey, kids! We're eatin' dinner tonight! Come on, Tiffany, Heather, Cody, Dylan, Dermit, Jordan, Taylor, Britney, Wesley, Rumor, Scout, Cassidy, Zoe, Cloe, Max, Hunter, Kendal, Caitlin, Noah, Sasha, Morgan, Kira, Ian, Lauren, Cubert, Phil...

Lisa: Where are the dice?
Todd: Daddy says dice are wicked.

Rod: We just move one space at a time. It's less fun that way!

 

[Dr Crane]

Abe walks into the burlesque house, hangs hat up

Sees Bart

Picks up hat and walks out

Looks back in..

Abe: Is your name Ba-rt?

Bart: Yes

Abe: Does you dad know you're here?

Bart: Yes

Abe:In that case i'll have a Gin and Tonic




Homer: Now Bart, you need to be able to face up to your actions, its called responsibility

Homer starts to drive, hits the mailbox, screams and drives off

 

[Feez_Giggles]

Best line ever

Brandine: Don't kiss me infront of my parents Cletus

Cletus: They're ma parents too


:lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[DJ Raida]

homer- sure marge, ill get along with them, then ill kiss some snakes, thats right, ill hug and kiss some poisonous SNAKES! now thats sarcasm!

 

[JessEel]

Homer: To Alcohol: The cause of, and solution to, all of lifes problems.....

Homer: Bart! With $10 000 we could be millionares! and buy all kinds of useful things... Like Love!!

Homer: Ew Slimey, Ow Pointy, Uh-Oh Moving, ohhh $20, i wanted a peanut...

Mr Burns: A hoi hoi?

HOmer: You'll have to speak up, im wearing a towel

Bart: If i get reincarnated, i'll be a butterfly - noone ever suspects the butterfly...

Homer: Just once i wish someone would call me sir, with out adding, you're making a scene...

Comic Book Guy: Ohhh Cheese burgers and lonliness are a dangerous mix

Duffman: Duffman can't die, only the actors who play him, Wo Yea!

#-o im such a geek

 

[Feez_Giggles]

Mr Burns: A hoi hoi?

HOmer: You'll have to speak up, im wearing a towel

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Duffman: Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem

 

[Dr Crane]

Knowing Simpsons lines by heart makes nobody a geek.

 

[Dr Crane]

Duff Exec: Why don't you give it a rest Stu?

Duffman (normal voice): Why don't you give it a rest Bob?




Duffman: Welcome to OctoberFest, Ooohh Yeah.

I do this, and i'm Jewish.

 

[Feez_Giggles]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

simpsons, forever and always, will be one of my greatest sources of amusment

just wanted to point that out

 

[canberra_raiders2k2]

(Homer becomes an inventor ep)

Lisa: dad no women would like to get shot in the face with a make up gun....

Homer: shut up honey, women will like what i tell them to like

(Bob runs for mayor)
Sideshow bob: You want the truth?!?!? You cant Handle the truth!! You truth handler you.

(random lines lol)
Homer: I drink a whisky drink, i drink a soda drink and when i gotta pee i use the kitchen sink.

Sideshow Bob: Can no man go untainted!!!

 

[Feez_Giggles]

I drink a whisky drink, i drink a soda drink and when i gotta pee i use the kitchen sink.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Random Homer quotes

"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"

"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

"Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"

"Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked! oh I've gotta go, my damn weiner kids are listening"

 

[DJ Raida]

bart after setting up edna and making her cry

"i cant help but feel partially responsible"

 

[Stranger]

Homer : I held my breath until i passed out and banged my head on the coffee table

Bart : dad whats the point of this story

Homer : I like stories

 

[JessEel]

(Bob runs for mayor)
Sideshow bob: You want the truth?!?!? You cant Handle the truth!! You truth handler you.

I Question your Truth Handling Abilities!! :lol:

Knowing Simpsons lines by heart makes nobody a geek.

thanks man, you make me feel at home amongst my own ppl ;-) :lol:

 

[Dr Crane]

Homer: Boy, when i get home, i'm going to WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR NECK *sees doctors looking at him* and give you a big hug

Bart: Homer, whatever they've got you on, cut the dosage.



Anyone who likes the Simpsons is cool. In my unusual universe anyway.

 

[choc_soldier]

*Flashback to when Homer wrapped his wagon around the tree when he was young*
Barney: Let's never drink again!
*return to present*
Homer: And we never did. *sips a beer*

 

[choc_soldier]

Homer: We have orders not to fire on anybody but Greenpeace! [kisses Marge] Well, I guess that's everyone. Except earring boy.
Bart: Come on, Dad. Didn't you ever do anything wild when you were a kid?
Homer: Well, when I was ten I got my ear pierced. But this is completely different!

 

[choc_soldier]

Ralph: So... do you like... stuff?

 

[Stranger]

Eppisode were homer gives up beer (one of the few)

Moe: Hey homers here we hate Homer dont we fellas

Group : yeahmummmyeahs(grumbles)

Homer: Moe gimme a duff

Moe: Hey everybody homers back