the fumblers jimmies are rustled
http://www.watoday.com.au/wa-news/s...ium-with-a-western-derby-20170707-gx6k6l.html
Stop the lunacy: Just open the new Perth Stadium with a Western Derby
I'm not the crusading sort, but I will single-handedly hold 100 Black Swans hostage at the gates of the new Perth Stadium if a Mickey Mouse rugby league tournament is the first sporting event at the arena.
When I saw the front page of
The West Australian on Friday morning, which claimed there was chatter about a two-day rugby league "festival" opening the new stadium in Burswood, I unsuccessful tried to jump from a speeding train into the Swan River.
No offence to folk in our rugby-playing states, but how would you react if an AFL game was to open a new $2 billion, 60,000-seat stadium in your backyard that was about 30 years in the making?
But golly gee, which Western Australian sports-lover isn't going whacko and bonkers about the prospect of a sport that very few of us know a single rule about opening one of the most anticipated projects in Perth, since, well, bloody ever.
A nine's festival! Where do I sleep for a week on damp concrete to get a ticket?
I mean rugby is an interesting sport. Who doesn't enjoy watching 120 kilogram men trying to manoeuvre their index finger up the clacker of their opponent's backside?
And Jonathan Thirsty is a wizard right?
As I mentioned in a
previous piece, WA has finally got a sporting structure that can rival others around Australia, one built with the fan in mind.
"It truly makes the vacuous concrete monstrosity that is Domain Stadium look like some relic from Soviet Russia."
"It is truly breathtaking and awe-inspiring.... is utterly overwhelming and god damn sexy."
So for the love of God, and every other deity out there, open the Perth Stadium with a sporting event that represents our glorious state: a Western Derby.
The opening game should be gladiatorial in nature.
We want to leave the supersized seats drenched with half-strength beer and the raging sweat of 60,000 crazed fans.
Sport is where us Sandgropers act out our most basic instincts: bitter hatred for either the Dockers or Eagles.
Can you sense that unrecognisable, peculiar tingling overcoming your body? It's called state bloody pride.
We embrace our own logic and rules in the west. We have an innate understanding of the complicated workings of the GST, because we hate getting shafted when it comes to getting out share of the pie. We loath the Big V. Hell, we are repulsed by the rest of the nation and most would happily embrace secessionism if we knew what it meant.
Who bloody cares if the
steel bridge to the new stadium isn't complete... most Dockers and Eagles' tragic would happily doggy paddle across the Swan, and in some cases drown, to watch their beloved teams.
And I have no doubt our native bird the Black Swan (once released from my clutches) would be waiting at the banks of the river, bursting with pride at the prospect of carting slightly-sloshed footy-goers across the drink.
The first event at the new stadium should invoke deep feelings of sporting pleasure.
An Ashes contest would have came close to the perfect sporting spectacle at the stadium, but that has been jettisoned to the rubbish bin of history.
Cricket might be the unassailable king among sports in some parts of the world, but I don't reckon a One-Day international where 90 per cent of the crowd are hollering and occasionally clapping for one side should kick-start the stadium.
And given the on going pay dispute with Cricket Australia - it could be a pretty one-sided affair.
The thought of that whining,
no-talent Englishmen Ed Sheeran being the first person to open the stadium makes me want to migrate to Iceland.
And soccer: meh.
The state government expects to get the keys to the new stadium in February, so shunt Sheeran back and have an early season derby.
Let's not denigrate our new stadium with some half-baked 'carnival' that no Sandgroper gives a crap about.
I hope that in the bowels of Domain Stadium Dockers and Eagles bigwigs are snickering because both clubs have plans to sabotage whatever non-football event is planned for Burswood.
Stop the lunacy and just lock in a Western Derby or the Black Swans get it!
https://twitter.com/brendanffoster