6am: Good Morning Penrith
Wake up in the game's heartland and let Gus Gould and the team put a smile on your face. Wacky weatherman "Brandy" Alexander is on location at picturesque Penrith mall; Royce Simmons has all the latest gossip from Hollywood.
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9am: Kerri-Anne's Kennel
Live from Belmore. Music, shopping and fashion advice from Kerri-Anne's new style guru Des Hasler.
11am: Everybody Loves Lockyer
Part 78 of the 367-part Darren Lockyer farewell tribute series. This week: Lockyer brushes his teeth before a match for the final time.
12pm: Midday movie
Rabbitoh Proof Fence
Drama. A young hooker wants to play for Souths but the cruel discrimination of the salary cap threatens to end his dream. Stars Matthew Johns, Lara Bingle and Russell Crowe as somebody else.
2pm: The Wests Winger
Things become tense when Beau Ryan tells coach Tim Sheens he might not have the numbers to seek another term in office.
3pm: Hungry Beast
This week, our panel of top chefs attempt to satisfy the appetite of Dragons prop Michael Weyman.
4pm: It's A Knockout
(Debut) Eight "commissioners" try to negotiate various obstacles and traps with the ultimate goal of solving the NRL's problems.
4.30pm: Cronulla's Got Talent
Todd Carney impressed the judges with his first audition but can he make it all the way through to the end of the series?
5.30pm: Antiques Road Show
Willie Mason travels to North Queensland, Manly, Melbourne, Wellington and Mudgee in an attempt to prove he is not too old to get a new contract.
6pm: News, sport and weather
But without the news, weather and any sport except rugby league.
7pm: Top Gear
Jamie Soward road tests a new helmet by beating his head against a locker. Jock strap or free-balling? Paul Gallen gives his verdict. The Queensland Origin team decides which thongs are best for formal occasions.
7.30pm: Two-and-a-half halfbacks
Comedy. Two qualified halfbacks and a rookie vie for the starting spot at the Roosters. Tonight: Brian Smith accidentally leaves his proposed starting line-up for the game against Manly on the whiteboard with hilarious consequences. The halfbacks are all interested in the same girl with hilarious consequences.
8pm: The Biggest Loser NRL
After last week's eviction round, only 12,387 contenders remain. Now they must stay sober in a hotel room with a full mini-bar, then make it to the game without being arrested.
8.30pm: Souths Park
Animated comedy. Cartman wants the Souths captaincy, but it has already been promised to Mr Hat. Timmy proves a surprising solution to the club's halfback problems.
9.30pm: Foreign Correspondent
A special investigation into the Hull Kingston Rovers' forwards crisis. Will the ripple effect reach our shores?
10pm: The Kicker of Dibley
The Conversion. The Kicker's faith is challenged when Hazem El Masri tempts him to try the Muslim way of adding the extra points.
10.30pm: Media Watch
All the drama from the press box as the media settle in to watch the big game. This week: there's trouble at half-time when it emerges that the party pies in the ANZ Stadium box are leftovers from a Swans game. And has someone stolen Brad Walter's pen?
11pm: CSI Brookvale
There has been a massacre at Manly. The team have only the bloodied remains of the coaching staff to work out who was responsible.
12am: Tonight with Wayne Bennett
Laughs, interviews and the occasional song from the game's liveliest entertainer. With regulars Darius Boyd and the Nathan Tinkler Orchestra.
1.30am: Late movie The Perfect Storm (R)
A club's owners attempt to pin their entire salary cap debacle on one man so they can prove they are the perfect Storm.
3.30am: Home shoplifting
The best five-fingered discounts from league merchandise shops. Tonight: the best orifice in which to conceal an Eels cap.
5am: Talkin' 'Bout My Generation
Tommy Raudonikis talks about landing one on Artie Beetson's chin, and why the game was better in his day. Repeat.
