1: Karmichael Hunt - Overrated wanker
Sure, he's a good fullback, but he's had the monopoly on the #1 ever since he was grunted into this world following Wayne Bennet's prolonged labor.
2: Brent Tate - Vampire looking wanker.
Possibly some kind of day vampire. May possibly subsist on some other kind of human bodily fluid. Everytime he has the ball, I want someone to hit his brace.
3: Ryan Cross - Ugly wanker
Even God has to look away and swallow back bile when his mug comes onto the TV. He is to God what waking up next to an ugly, fat shiela is to your average man.
4: Timana Tahu - Turncoat wanker
Left a club that had stuck by him for more money. Was a whiny bitch even when he was at the club. Worse now. Then left the league that stuck by him for even more money. Will soon leave the world that has stuck by him in exchange for more money. Alpha Centauri has approached his manager.
5: Brett Dallas - Ranga wanker
Red-heads should be smothered at birth. This f**ker was just too quick.
6: Braith Anasta - Mumma's boy wanker
Lived at home with his mother despite being one of the most overpaid player's in league. Clearly slept in his mother's bed until at least the age of fifteen. Probably waxes his knuckles.
7: Brett Kimmorley - One nutted wanker
With due respect, always seemed to play well against Andrew Johns. Pity about the other 23 to 24 games a season. Lost a testicle. Clearly God doesn't want the line to continue.
8: Josh Perry - Fat wanker
His departure from Newcastle ensures the city will never have a Krispy Kreme's franchise, depriving thousands of overweight bogans another way to piss away their dole checks.
9: Geoff Toovey - Crybaby wanker
Mad Dog shouldn't have stopped stamping until he felt turf on his studs. Cried harder than a fat girl at prom.
10: Willie Mason - "I have ADD so it's not my fault I'm a wanker" wanker
Blames everything on a condition that 95% of wankers claim to have. Generates more concentrated wank than the entire world population of boys aged 12-44.
11: Gorden Tallis - King Wanker (c)
Tough guy with a heart made of butter. Managed to get goaded into flipping off fans because they accused his mother of being a pig. Clearly cut close to home, plus he hadn't heard from her since that morning he came home drunk and woke up having had vivid dreams about eating a sh*tload of bacon.
12: Clint Newton - Absolute wanker
Avoids airports. When non-sentient, mechanical objects try to kill members of your family - you know you're a wanker. I hear toasters spit sparks and refridgerators try to turn his food. Fled Newcastle after losing a nail in a fight with a particularly over-zealous egg whisk.
13: Tonie Carroll - Cheap shot merchant wanker
Delights in eye gouges, cheap shots, and I hear he kicks children when their parents aren't looking. Can't decide which country he's from. Probably denies the Holocaust occured.
14: Allan Langer - Midget wanker
How can so much wanker be stored in so little space. He clearly defied Einstein's Law of Wanker to Mass.
15: Terry Hill - Lisping wanker
Responsible for the drowning deaths of several mod league players? The bodies are buried underneath a Lowes in outback NSW.
16: Chris Walker - Showboat wanker
Was a wanker even before he become an overpaid league star. Has perfected the art of masturbation to a point that he needs only catch a glimpse of himself in a mirror to achieve orgasm. Has to double bag his groceries.
17: John Hopoate - Finger banging wanker
Caught with his finger in the cookie jar. Shakespeare originally had Hoppa in mind for the role of Lady Macbeth when he wrote "All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this hand"
Coach: Ricky Stuart - f**king wanker
Could complain about a day in which he won the lottery, recieved a blowjob from Jessica Alba, single handedly ended world hunger, and got to eat Outback Steak for two meals.
