My attempt at a serious thread

[Dani]

Believe it or not, i have very little self confidence. I decided to make this thread so people can share their own experiences to relative strangers, cause sometimes they are the easiest people to tell.

I've suffered depression for most of my teens. I have gone through phases of extreme highs and extreme, extreme lows. Suicide has crossed my mind more than once. For so much of my life, i have felt like nothing.

Depression caused me to bomb out in my year 12 exams pretty badly (i wasn't sleeping, bad bad migraines and things like that) but since then, i've vowed to turn my life around. Get myself out of this rut i am in.

I have to thankmy high school 'friends' for being such utter bitches, or i never would have 'grown a pair' and started to stand up for myself.

Slowly, but surely, i am convincing myself that i do have something to offer and i'm learning how to take compliments and things like that.

It's so hard to change behaviour, but i'm glad i'm getting there. These days i sleep a little better and the migraines are far less worse than they used to be.

I guess i just wanted to share, share your own stories or offer advice.

Or make jokes at me, whatever.

 

[Mr. Fahrenheit]

Very inspiring fani, well heres hoping things pick up for you. As for personal experiences, two years ago the thoughts of suicide did indeed cross my mind as well, but i picked myself out of that rut and im very happy with where im headed. hopefully that happens for you too.

 

[Timmah]

I'd add my own experience but I might delay til morning, I really need some sleep right now and I'm getting uncomfortable here.

:nwave:

 

[Punkess]

I have no real friends. It makes me sad, but at the same time I don't really care

 

[Parra Guru]

good for you dani. i've never met you, but from what i've read i think you have a lot to offer. for starters sharing such a personal experience is something to be admired. once u leave high school, whether you are bullied or not, everyone realises there is more to life than the opinion of a few superficial bitches and good for you for moving on from ppl like that!

 

[Knightmare]

Sometimes I feel like such a faker. I live up here, I haven't had a fair dinkum job since God-knows when and I wonder if I'll ever get it all together and be more than just a single, unemployed uni student.

 

[Punkess]

How do you mean you're faking?

I don't know if I'll like entering the real workforce, even if I do get a job, uni is so comfortable for me, but I am getting sick of it and realise I need money.

Why can't everything just be easy

 

[Knightmare]

I mean I feel like a faker because I need financial assistance, I'd love it if I could pay my own way. I see these rich guys about my age who are kicking arse at what they do and have hot girlfriends and I think "Man, I hope I don't stay like this forever." Like the stories BBSF tells, I could never be like that. Not because I couldn't, but because I don't want to. I can't go out and feel like I want to nail some chick I don't know anything about. What's the point of chatting her up and talking s**t just so you can put another notch on your belt? No thankyou. I give up alot right now in the hope of an awesome future, but I can't help thinking sometimes maybe it'll never come together and I'm an idiot.

 

[The Mighty Panther]

Believe it or not, i have very little self confidence. I decided to make this thread so people can share their own experiences to relative strangers, cause sometimes they are the easiest people to tell.

I've suffered depression for most of my teens. I have gone through phases of extreme highs and extreme, extreme lows. Suicide has crossed my mind more than once. For so much of my life, i have felt like nothing.

Depression caused me to bomb out in my year 12 exams pretty badly (i wasn't sleeping, bad bad migraines and things like that) but since then, i've vowed to turn my life around. Get myself out of this rut i am in.

I have to thankmy high school 'friends' for being such utter bitches, or i never would have 'grown a pair' and started to stand up for myself.

Slowly, but surely, i am convincing myself that i do have something to offer and i'm learning how to take compliments and things like that.

It's so hard to change behaviour, but i'm glad i'm getting there. These days i sleep a little better and the migraines are far less worse than they used to be.

I guess i just wanted to share, share your own stories or offer advice.

Or make jokes at me, whatever.

Those two paragraphs which I've highlighted proves that you are winning the battle.

Unfortunately Depression doesn't always develop as a result of anxiety, stress and tragedy, which are some of the more common causes. It can also be hereditary, or caused by chemical imbalances in the brain that we simply cannot control.

The fact that you've acknowledged that you have the condition is a step forward.

One simple solution I've observed that has a profound effect is simply to expose yourself to sunlight for at least half an hour a day. The exposure to sunlight can affect the brain in a positive manner and may help to produce the right balance of biochemicals to reduce anxiety and to improve mood. (This is the reason why Depression is almost an epidemic in the Northern countries such as Norway, Sweden and England - due to the lack of sufficient sunlight for most of the year)

You didn't mention if you've taken medication for Depression, but there are some effective natural alternatives available such as SAM-E and St Johns Wort. Both have been clinically proven in the treatment of mild to moderate Depression. Perhaps you can give this a try, if you haven't already.

I hope my two cents worth of advise will be useful to you.

 

[Bazal]

I have suffered depression in one form or another before. As I mentioned in another thread a while back, I lost my girlfriend in a road accident when I was younger. She died right in front of me, while I escaped from the seat next to her with next to no injuries. That messed me up at such a young age. You think you're invincible, you think your first love will last forever, and to have that happen f**ks with you badly. I was an alcoholic by 16 and dabbled in drugs for a while, and came pretty close to killing myself stupidly by abusing things like that. My music was what got me out of it. I sat down one day and wrote something...and it made me feel better. Not much, but better than alcohol or drugs, better than the "less painful" option. I was also lucky to have an amazing friend and, later, girlfriend (and now fiancee), both of whom helped me out in the end. It took so much pain and effort to give up alcohol and drugs...but my mate forced me to the point where I could see they were doing more harm than good, and from there it was easy. Footy also helped, I realised I could actually play and it gave me an alternate focus...I still get down but I realise now that, in my case, it's all in my head. I got to the point where I defined myself by the events and condition of my life, rather than using them to define who I wanted to be. I feel old, but at least I'm happy...

EDIT: Wow...that was gibberish...sorry if it's hard to follow, it's a tough thing to write about even now...

 

[The Mighty Panther]

I mean I feel like a faker because I need financial assistance, I'd love it if I could pay my own way. I see these rich guys about my age who are kicking arse at what they do and have hot girlfriends and I think "Man, I hope I don't stay like this forever." Like the stories BBSF tells, I could never be like that. Not because I couldn't, but because I don't want to. I can't go out and feel like I want to nail some chick I don't know anything about. What's the point of chatting her up and talking s**t just so you can put another notch on your belt? No thankyou. I give up alot right now in the hope of an awesome future, but I can't help thinking sometimes maybe it'll never come together and I'm an idiot.

Mate, there's more to life than "nailing chicks".

Remember, this is an internet forum, and people like this BBSF character can sit behind the security of a computer and anonymously conjure up this fantasy world of "chicks" and so forth, yet the truth could well be that he is a lonely little boy craving attention and this is his way of attracting it - by creating a facade.

Think about it. Do you really think that any decent human being would go into a forum and talk about "smashing up a girl's windscreen" as revenge for being dumped?

As for everything else you mentioned, mate there's always hope. What are your interests? Perhaps there might be something there that could prove to be an opportunity.

 

[Jono Russell]

This world, this world is cold
But you don’t, you don’t have to go
You’re feeling sad you’re feeling lonely
And no one seems to care
You’re mother’s gone and your father hits you
This pain you cannot bare

But we all bleed the same way as you do
We all have the same things to go thru

Hold on...if you feel like letting go
Hold on...it gets better than you know

Your days you say they’re way too long
And your nights you can’t sleep at all (hold on)
And you’re not sure what you’re looking for
But you don’t want to no more
And you’re not sure what you’re waiting for but you don’t want to no more

But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through

Hold on...if you feel like letting go
Hold on...it gets better than you know

Don’t stop looking you’re one step closer
Don’t stop searching it’s not over...hold on

What are you looking for?
What are you waiting for?
Do you know what you’re doing to me?
Go ahead...what are you waiting for?

Hold on...if you feel like letting go
Hold on...it gets better than you know

Don’t stop looking you’re one step closer
Don’t stop searching it’s not over...

Hold on...if you feel like letting go
Hold on...it gets better than you know...hold on

WE CARE

good night everyone

 

[Dani]

Mighty Panther, i have been medicated in the past and i hated it. I didn't know about the sunlight thing, but i have noticed that since i've been going for regular daily walks, just around the neighbourhood, i have been feeling a lot better. My dad has been diagnosed with depression before, but i think he may be bipolar, but its such a hard subject to bring up.

Bazal, your post made me cry. As did writing my own for that matter. I can't imagine going through anything like that.
You must be such a strong person.

 

[Knightmare]

Mate, there's more to life than "nailing chicks".

Remember, this is an internet forum, and people like this BBSF character can sit behind the security of a computer and anonymously conjure up this fantasy world of "chicks" and so forth, yet the truth could well be that he is a lonely little boy craving attention and this is his way of attracting it - by creating a facade.

Think about it. Do you really think that any decent human being would go into a forum and talk about "smashing up a girl's windscreen" as revenge for being dumped?

As for everything else you mentioned, mate there's always hope. What are your interests? Perhaps there might be something there that could prove to be an opportunity.

:LOL: I don't take half of what BBSF says seriously or anything like that. But what I'm talking about is the whole psyche of picking up as many chicks as you can, spinning the same old lines on unsuspecting chicks every time you go out and being seen as weird if you don't get play or don't do all you can to try and get your end away. I remember last year at the Uni games in Cairns, I didn't hook up or get laid that week (some guys on my team even had video evidence that they shacked up :shock: :lol: ) and because of that (I think) this guy on my team started asking me was I a virgin? I'm not low on self-confidence either, some stuff just pisses me off. Who doesn't get pissed of at stuff?

 

[nöyd]

Pretty ballsy post Dani, took a lot of guts.

I get bouts of it from time to time, coupled with a sh*tload of paranoia.

"What are they talking about? Oh they're looking at me...now they're laughing...oh sh*t, what did I ever do to them..." That sort of stuff. Go through it sometimes a minimum of once a day at work.

But then I think of how far I've come in the last 3 years. In late 2002 - early 2003, I had no job, no car, and was still living at home with my mother at 29 years of age. Then a woman I fell for as soon as I met her back in the early 90's re-entered my life, and since June 2003 I have had a full-time job, a car, got married and a month and a half ago we bought our first house. Yet I still lack confidence in certain, if not most situations. Paranoia plays a big part in my everyday life. I don't like it, in fact I'd give anything to change it, piss it off for good. Slowly but surely, I'm refusing to care what people think about me, it's a slow process, but it is happening.

I spend alot of time in the FFB, just reading mostly, not posting. You are bright Dani, funny. Intelligent, witty, and from what photos I have seen you are very easy on the eye. Just have to remain positive and keep all the great things you have to offer foremost in your mind.

It will happen for you, I have no doubt of that.

 

[The Mighty Panther]

I have suffered depression in one form or another before. As I mentioned in another thread a while back, I lost my girlfriend in a road accident when I was younger. She died right in front of me, while I escaped from the seat next to her with next to no injuries. That messed me up at such a young age. You think you're invincible, you think your first love will last forever, and to have that happen f**ks with you badly. I was an alcoholic by 16 and dabbled in drugs for a while, and came pretty close to killing myself stupidly by abusing things like that. My music was what got me out of it. I sat down one day and wrote something...and it made me feel better. Not much, but better than alcohol or drugs, better than the "less painful" option. I was also lucky to have an amazing friend and, later, girlfriend (and now fiancee), both of whom helped me out in the end. It took so much pain and effort to give up alcohol and drugs...but my mate forced me to the point where I could see they were doing more harm than good, and from there it was easy. Footy also helped, I realised I could actually play and it gave me an alternate focus...I still get down but I realise now that, in my case, it's all in my head. I got to the point where I defined myself by the events and condition of my life, rather than using them to define who I wanted to be. I feel old, but at least I'm happy...

EDIT: Wow...that was gibberish...sorry if it's hard to follow, it's a tough thing to write about even now...

Not gibberish mate. You said it well. It's not easy talking about it.

I know about Depression, as I've also gone through it myself, and in almost similar circumstances to you. My wife died in March last year from complications from pregnancy that caused her heart to stop. It was an extremely rare condition known as Peri Partum Cardio Myopathy. There was no warning of it. It happened within the space of one hour and right infront of me. Not even the doctors could work out why it happened and it took the pathologist at the Coroner's Court almost 4 months to come up with the results.

What made it worse that the baby (son) had to be born via caesarian - as my wife had already died - but the doctor said that he was critical due to the deprivation of oxygen. Unfortunately he died the next day.

Thankfully I already have a beautiful daughter that gets me through. It's been 18 months since it happened and life is slowly improving. I still think about it every day and a tear or two is shed, but I know I have to move on. And I'll get there.

(Mate, we should be on Oprah!)

 

[Bazal]

Bazal, your post made me cry. As did writing my own for that matter. I can't imagine going through anything like that.
You must be such a strong person.

I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but I'm not as strong as I'd like to be. I'm not as anything as I'd like to be...but I do like to think I'm getting there...I do still cry about it, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. The whole experience has helped me, in a perverse kind of way. I'm more emotive and compassionate because of it. Most guys my age are like "Depressed? f**king emo, grow a pair..." whereas I know what it's like. And that's sometimes the hardest thing, watching someone you care about go through it and knowing how much pain and suffering they have to go through to get better...I still wish I;d died and not her...

 

[Dani]

Oh man.
This is the most heartbreaking i've ever read.
I'm so sorry for both of you.

 

[nöyd]

Jesus H. Christ.

Reading what Bazal and Mighty Panther have been through has showed me that my life has been a piece of piss, a cakewalk.

So sorry for your losses guys. I don't know what else to say.

 

[Bazal]

Not gibberish mate. You said it well. It's not easy talking about it.

I know about Depression, as I've also gone through it myself, and in almost similar circumstances to you. My wife died in March last year from complications from pregnancy that caused her heart to stop. It was an extremely rare condition known as Peri Partum Cardio Myopathy. There was no warning of it. It happened within the space of one hour and right infront of me. Not even the doctors could work out why it happened and it took the pathologist at the Coroner's Court almost 4 months to come up with the results.

What made it worse that the baby (son) had to be born via caesarian - as my wife had already died - but the doctor said that he was critical due to the deprivation of oxygen. Unfortunately he died the next day.

Thankfully I already have a beautiful daughter that gets me through. It's been 18 months since it happened and life is slowly improving. I still think about it every day and a tear or two is shed, but I know I have to move on. And I'll get there.

(Mate, we should be on Oprah!)

Mate that is horrible! It must have been awful not knowing what happened, and wondering if there was anything that could have been done. I'd die if I lost a child...to lose a wife and child...I can't imagine anything worse..