My poem about trees

[RHYTHM AND STEALTH]

Very nice

 

[Twizzle]

What is a druid?

Tree Worshipers

 

[madunit]

I can write a better poem than that in two minutes

time: 2.06pm

Poem

As I walk in the darkness,
The shadow of fear follows me,
As I turn around in the darkness,
The cold hand of hate takes me.

As I walk in the darkness,
Footsteps of no one follow me,
As I turn around in the darkness,
Anxiety becomes my friend.

As I walk in the darkness,
Breathing of something taunts me,
As I turn around in the darkness,
Fear encapsulates my emotions.

As I walk in the darkness,
Hate continues to hunt me down,
As I turn around in the darkness,
The blade of fate claims its prize.

Time 2:08pm

 

[UndertakerMike]

I'm thinking about entering my poem in a contest.

Yes... but what age group?

 

[madunit]

Hey chloe, do you have an older brother who posts here by the name of snot?

 

[chloe]

No I don't.

Maybe if you spent more than 2 minutes on your poem it wouldn't be so bad. I thought the suggestion in the first stanza that you were fear meant you had fear in you to such a point your emotional state was already encapsulated in it, yet this only occurs later in the third stanza? Sorry, you're only confusing the reader and certainly not in a good way.

Thanks everyone who liked my poem.

 

[madunit]

There was no suggestion in the first stanza that I was fear.

as seen in the line "The shadow of fear follows me,"

Learn to read you dimwit.

 

[Raider_69]

There was no suggestion in the first stanza that I was fear.

as seen in the line "The shadow of fear follows me,"

Learn to read you dimwit.

well said
Unit, your poem owns chloes on both a literal and metaphorical stand point

Chloe metaphorical message is that she sucks at poetry

 

[madunit]

see, i write an ordinary poem in 2 minutes and it is seen as being at least an equal to your poor example of a Peter Garrett rant

 

[Melstar]

Chloe metaphorical message is that she sucks at poetry

chloe, pay no attention whatsoever to Raiduh. I thought your poem was just lovely!

 

[Raider_69]

Chloe metaphorical message is that she sucks at poetry

chloe, pay no attention whatsoever to Raiduh. I thought your poem was just lovely!

ohh come on mel, i know its not in your charactor to be mean but how can you say that pile of piss was good.

Ive thrown up shit when on the drink that is better that here tree tripe

 

[chloe]

There was no suggestion in the first stanza that I was fear.

as seen in the line "The shadow of fear follows me,"

Learn to read you dimwit.

Exactly, the shadow OF fear. A shadow that follows someone is typically their own.

You definately described yourself as fear.

 

[Raider_69]

There was no suggestion in the first stanza that I was fear.

as seen in the line "The shadow of fear follows me,"

Learn to read you dimwit.

Exactly, the shadow OF fear. A shadow that follows someone is typically their own.

You definately described yourself as fear.

A shadow that follows someone is not always their own shadow, you cant assume things with poetry chloe, being a way good :lol: :lol: :lol: poet, you should know that, assumption is the mother of all f**k ups.

 

[madunit]

someone may have fear, that doesnt mean they are fear.

 

[Rexxy]

someone may have fear, that doesnt mean they are fear.

The shadow could represent an aspect of 'you'.

The dark, fearful you.

The one that lives in the wardrobe.

The shadow is you, Madunit.

"I is Another" - Arthur Rimbaud 1854 - 1891

 

[madunit]

note the word 'could'

what i intended is to personify fear as a seperate being, by giving it a shadow, but not saying that I am fear.

 

[Melstar]

ohh come on mel, i know its not in your charactor to be mean but how can you say that pile of piss was good.

Ive thrown up sh*t when on the drink that is better that here tree tripe

a little niceness never hurt anyone Raiduh. Why do you have to be so mean

 

[madunit]

cos he's a radiers fan :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[Raider_69]

ohh come on mel, i know its not in your charactor to be mean but how can you say that pile of piss was good.

Ive thrown up sh*t when on the drink that is better that here tree tripe

a little niceness never hurt anyone Raiduh. Why do you have to be so mean

cause her poem sucked :lol:

clearly madunits intent was to show fear as a litteral sence of someone, thus he personified what is otherwise a pure emotion, the fact it was a shadow allows the responder to relate further with the personified charactor because the fear (the personifed charactor) like a shadow follows us all, of corse this said clearly the metaphorical meaning is that there is no escaping the cold hands of fear, the long we sheild ourselves from it the more it will consume us.

Further more the composer in this peice (madunit) has shown us the internal struggle that the charactor "I" faces as he is confussed weather to embrace the fear or continue to sheild himself from fear and evidently fate, this is shown through the quote "Anxiety becomes my friend".

We also have a distincitve concludsion of the poem, with the very last line
"The blade of fate claims its prize.". This gives the impression that the "i" that is refered to in this poem has fallen victum to the cold hand of fear, it has claimed it prize, which i interpet to be 'I's soul.

This poem is a morbid yet realistic look at how fear and evidently fate can not be escaped and that those who try to run will eventually be consumed by it. It has links with a Wilfred Owen poem - The last laugh

In this poem fear is personified whilst in the last laugh the guns of war are personified with a sence of humour.

 

[Raider_69]

Trees

Ancient and wise, everlasting you shall stand
Bring shade to the children, drop fruit on our land
Your beauty is apparent for all to see
Trees trees

Large and small birds alike nest in you
Untamed and so wild, yet with virtue so true
The air you supply us comes with no catch, it is free
Trees trees

Loggers and bushfires, what cannot be overcome?
When there's a war to be fought you have been there and won
From the rainforests of Queensland to the woods of Tennessee
Trees trees

2005

My Analysis:

Honestly this is a fairly rubbish poem, most if not all well constructed poems have 2 very prodiminate litteral and metaphorical meaning, this has NO metaphoric connection. Which is a testimont to the composers abilities, its easy to write about something litteral, its quite another to be able to present a thought provoking peice that can be interpreted and relate to each individual differently.

This poem uses very little well know poetic techniques, its a nursry rhyme gone horribly wrong, the composser here has not even attempted to intice the responder to look for a deeper meaning, thankfully because some idiots would still be looking, those smart enough would relise there is none.

A litteral poem is not always bad however if it is to be a literal poem the composser MUST use very decriptive language and emotive words so the responder can create the visual image of the surrounds the poem is set in and allow the responder to mentally visit this place without trying, it should come to the reponder natuarally, Robert Frost was a well known exponet of this sort of poem, except he was able to nail it, the composer of this particular peice failed misrably at this and the end product is a fair representation of the abilities of its writer to combine and present a physical and metaphorical ideas.

One can only hope if the compossure wishes to continue on with poetry that he/she picks up her game and starts to really try and provide the responder some form of thought provoking peice.