My poem about trees

[madunit]

*owned* :lol:

 

[TooheysNew]

:lol: Raider

 

[chloe]

Raider 69, writing a few paragraphs doesn't suddenly make you smart. You have no right to rip apart my efforts. Not every poet can be like Robert Frost and not every poet writes about depression, pain and "fear" like some gothic loser either. The premise of Trees is basic, but it's also universal. Who can't relate to the basic images presented in the first stanza? Who can't feel the power of trees on a worldly scale in the third? That's what makes my poem good.

Thanks Melstar, you're a nice person.

 

[TooheysNew]

How old are you? :roll:

 

[chloe]

I'm 18 years old. Why do you ask?

 

[[furrycat]]

Furry Serious Post # 2

"Trees"

Trees (By Chloe...) depicts the everlasting nature of trees, and notes the fact of how undervalued they truly are.

"Ancient and wise, everlasting you shall stand/Bring Shade to our children, drop fruit to our land" depicts to the responer that trees will still be here long after we have perished. Even though we may not treat them with a degree of respect, they still provide us with the shade and supplies we need at times.

The second stanza, however, does not successfully justify previous points. "Large and small birds alike nest in you" and "The air you supply us comes with no catch, it is free" continues to show the usefulness of trees to not just humans, but animals aswell. But the line between during this stanza, "Untamed and so wild, yet with virtue so true" appears to be seemingly irrelevant and is not substanciated or perhaps not correcly expressed by the composer.

The final stanza ends the poem well, but again tends to be too generalised. "Loggers and bushfires, what cannot be overcome?" is slightly fragmented and may be confusing to a responder, as it is not further commented on. But the composer continues to justify that trees will always be here (and in great force) with "When there's a war to be fought you have been there and won/From the rainforests of Queensland to the woods of Tennessee".

The repetition of "Trees Trees" is an effective technique, but may be under-used. Usually in most poems that use this technique, the word is repeated 3 times for further emphasis.

The tone of the poem is constant (in praising the trees) but again, the line in Stanza 3 "Loggers and bushfires, what cannot be overcome? " subsequently confuses the mood and tone of the poem, and seems to be out of place.

In conclusion, I personally think it is a fairly well written poem but there are noted flaws that should be addressed if the work is to be entered into a contest. It tends to be cluttered, generalised, and somewhat confusing. Chloe stated that there was work to be done on it, and I hope I have pointed out a few of the problems (Too tired to write a big analysis on each word ). Goodnight

76/100

 

[Raider_69]

Raider 69, writing a few paragraphs doesn't suddenly make you smart. You have no right to rip apart my efforts. Not every poet can be like Robert Frost and not every poet writes about depression, pain and "fear" like some gothic loser either. The premise of Trees is basic, but it's also universal. Who can't relate to the basic images presented in the first stanza? Who can't feel the power of trees on a worldly scale in the third? That's what makes my poem good.

Thanks Melstar, you're a nice person.

The images are about as universal as my left nut.
The images are that basic, thats half my point, infact too basic, a f**kin 3 year old could come up with something more indepth

Power of the trees a worldly scale? f**k me if thats not the most ridiculous line ive ever heard, trees on a worldly scale? ffs that disgraceful.

Thats what makes your poem shit house, a 3 year old could disect it.
i said it once and ill say it again, its a nursry rhyme gone horribly wrong.

I have every write to rip your work appart, this is a forum for opinions and this is mine, its an educated opinion, educated... i wish the same could be said for your work... it smacks of novice mistakes and amatureish flow.

This is fine if you accept that its amatureish and piss poor but you want to try and convince people that your work is in some way good.

 

[chloe]

I agree with what you said about the final stanza. I wrote earlier in this thread it could do with improvement.

 

[chloe]

Raider 69, I don't care with you think so don't bother. I have some respect for Furrycat now.

 

[Raider_69]

I agree with what you said about the final stanza. I wrote earlier in this thread it could do with improvement.

ALOT of improvement

 

[Raider_69]

Raider 69, I don't care with you think so don't bother. I have some respect for Furrycat now.

i dont care for you either but so long as you post mediocre poetry and try to pass it off as something half way decent i will be here to rip it to shreads

unit put together something better in 2 minutes... 2 MINUTES!

 

[Parki]

Trees
Their leaves are green
They’re often seen
Or made into magazine

Trees
Their bark is brown
They aren’t in town
Sometimes they fall down

Trees
Always blocking my way
Whilst I walk along the path today
I wish someone would take them away

Trees




now dat shits deep :lol: :lol: :lol:
and i put dat 2gether in 1 minute :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[UndertakerMike]

] Furry Serious Post # 2

The repetition of "Trees Trees" is an effective technique, but may be under-used. Usually in most poems that use this technique, the word is repeated 3 times for further emphasis.

76/100

:?
Whats with the reputition bit. I know this poem is about trees why have a dual reference to it after every "stanza" :?

 

[Raider_69]

] Furry Serious Post # 2

The repetition of "Trees Trees" is an effective technique, but may be under-used. Usually in most poems that use this technique, the word is repeated 3 times for further emphasis.

76/100

:?
Whats with the reputition bit. I know this poem is about trees why have a dual reference to it after every "stanza" :?

because the composser wouldnt know who to construct and use a poetic technique if she had Robert Frost, Wilfred Owen and James Wright co writing.

Furrycat, your take on Chloes perplexes me.

 

[[furrycat]]

I perplexed myself

 

[madunit]

repetition in poetry is, as furrycat said, a very powerful tool. Chloe repeated one word twice at the end of every stanza. I repeated much more in each stanza.

I feel that the repetition has to be used properly, I'm not sure if chloe's use of that technique is correct, but it definitely is required somewhere within the piece to show the everlasting nature of trees.

 

[Melstar]

unit put together something better in 2 minutes... 2 MINUTES!

Do you seriously believe it only took him 2 minutes?? I am doubtful

 

[madunit]

I honestly say it did take two minutes. I'm not lying about this either. Ive written two other poems in the same amount of time before.

 

[Houdini]

I don't think how long it takes to write a poem really has any relevance.

Chloe had a go and if it expresses how she feels then thats all that matters.

You guys should lighten up :lol:

 

[DJ Raida]

worst

thread

ever