NFT: Joke Thread

[Kaz]

Post your jokes here.


There was this guy and he had a girlfriend named Lorraine who was very pretty and he liked her a lot. One day he went to work and found that a new girl had started working with him at his office.

Her name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous. He became quite smitten with her and after a while it became obvious that she was very interested in him
too.

But this guy was a loyal man and he wouldn't do anything with Clearly while he was still going out with his girlfriend. He decided that there was nothing left to do but to break up with Lorraine and get on with Clearly.

He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself
to do it.

Then one day they went for a walk along the riverbank when Lorraine slipped and fell into the river. The current carried her off and she drowned. The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing and smiling and singing.

What was he singing, you ask???

I can see Clearly now.... Lorraine is gone

 

[Misanthrope]

That is awful. Truly awful.

 

[Chicken_Hunter]

Why did the first Koala fall out of the tree? It was dead.

Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree?

It was stapled to the first.

Why did the third Koala fall out of the tree?

It thought suicide was in.

Why did the fourth Koala fall out of the tree?

It had a grand piano tied to it's foot.

Why did the fifth Koala fall out of the tree?

It was hit by the piano stool.

Why did the Kangaroo drop dead?

It was hit by 5 Koalas and a grand piano.

 

[Misanthrope]

Bahahahahaha! Eat shit and die native Australian fauna!

 

[Bring it home Knights]

Post your jokes here.


There was this guy and he had a girlfriend named Lorraine who was very pretty and he liked her a lot. One day he went to work and found that a new girl had started working with him at his office.

Her name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous. He became quite smitten with her and after a while it became obvious that she was very interested in him
too.

But this guy was a loyal man and he wouldn't do anything with Clearly while he was still going out with his girlfriend. He decided that there was nothing left to do but to break up with Lorraine and get on with Clearly.

He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself
to do it.

Then one day they went for a walk along the riverbank when Lorraine slipped and fell into the river. The current carried her off and she drowned. The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing and smiling and singing.

What was he singing, you ask???

I can see Clearly now.... Lorraine is gone

An oldie but a goldie.

 

[B-dos]

An old man was sitting outside his house and he saw a young boy walk past dragging length of chicken wire behind him. The old man says "Hey boy, what are you doing with that chicken wire?" and the boy replied "Im going to catch chickens", and the old man says "Boy you dont catch chickens with chicken wire" but the boy ignores him and keeps walking off down the road.

Sure enough, that afternoon, the boy walks back past the old mans house with 5 chickens caught in the chicken wire. The old man is a little impressed.

The next day the old man sees the young boy walk past dragging length of Duct Tape behind him. The old man says "Hey boy, what are you doing with that Duct Tape?" and the boy replies "Im going to catch Ducks", and the old man says "Boy you dont catch ducks with Duct Tape" but the boy ignores him and keeps walking off down the road.

Sure enough, that afternoon, the boy walks back past the old mans house with 7 ducks caught in the duct tape. The old man is very impressed.

The next day the old man sees the young boy walk past dragging a piece of plant, or tree of some kind. The old man says "Hey boy, what what have you got there?" and the boy replies "Its Pussy Willow", and the old man says "Hang on boy, ill just get my hat"

 

[Johns Magic]

An old man was sitting outside his house and he saw a young boy walk past dragging length of chicken wire behind him. The old man says "Hey boy, what are you doing with that chicken wire?" and the boy replied "Im going to catch chickens", and the old man says "Boy you dont catch chickens with chicken wire" but the boy ignores him and keeps walking off down the road.

Sure enough, that afternoon, the boy walks back past the old mans house with 5 chickens caught in the chicken wire. The old man is a little impressed.

The next day the old man sees the young boy walk past dragging length of Duct Tape behind him. The old man says "Hey boy, what are you doing with that Duct Tape?" and the boy replies "Im going to catch Ducks", and the old man says "Boy you dont catch ducks with Duct Tape" but the boy ignores him and keeps walking off down the road.

Sure enough, that afternoon, the boy walks back past the old mans house with 7 ducks caught in the duct tape. The old man is very impressed.

The next day the old man sees the young boy walk past dragging a piece of plant, or tree of some kind. The old man says "Hey boy, what what have you got there?" and the boy replies "Its Pussy Willow", and the old man says "Hang on boy, ill just get my hat"

:lol:

Two peanuts were walking down a dark alley one night. One was assaulted.

Two fish were in a tank. One of them said to the other "So how do you drive this thing?"

Did you hear about the guy who drowned in his muesli last week? He got pulled in by a strong currant, and now the police are on the look out for a cereal-killer.

 

[Chicken_Hunter]

**** Rude Joke Below ****




There was a farmer with three sons. One day, the farmer gave the first son a loaf of bread, gave the second a toy truck, and to the third, he gave a duck. Then he told each son to get as much as possible from their items. The first son sold the bread for $2.50. The second son sold the truck for $5.00. The third son was walking down the street and came upon a whore. The whore asked him if he wanted sex. He politelt told her all he had was this duck. After looking it over, the woman agreed to have sex with him in return for the duck. So he gave her the duck and they had sex and when it was over the whore told him how good that the sex was and offered to give the duck back if he would bang her again. He agreed and they had sex and he got the duck back. Walking down the street, the duck wandered off down the street and got hit by a car the man inside the car felt guilty and offered the son $50 for the damage to the duck. The boy accepted the money.
Back at the farm, the farmer asked his sons what they recieved. The first son said "I got $2.50 for the loaf of bread" The second son said "I got $5 for the toy truck" The third son said, "I got a f**k for a duck, a duck for a f**k, and 50 bucks for a f**ked up duck."

 

[roopy]

Some Baked Beans wanted to go to Qld for a holiday - they ended up in Cairns (cans)

 

[Chicken_Hunter]

Why did the little girl fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.


Why did the person fall off his bike?

Because someone threw a fridge at him.

 

[roopy]

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool - bob
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on a doorstep - Matt
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs nailed to a wall - Art
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs who can swim the length of a pool - clever dick

 

[Chicken_Hunter]

:lol: :lol:

I had only heard the bob one before... They are all pure class...

 

[IanG]

Here's one for you.

Q: What's The Difference Between Art and Pornography?
A: A Government Grant

 

[Hell Bitch]

What do you call a guy with 100 rabbits up his arse - Warren


Did you hear what happened to Helena Rubenstein?

Max Factor

 

[Misanthrope]

Three nuns were walking down an alley when a man jumped out from behind a dumpster and flashed them.

The first one had a stroke

The second one had a stroke.




The last one didn't touch him.

 

[Chicken_Hunter]

WHy did the chewing gum cross the road?

Because it was stuck to the chickens foot!

 

[Hell Bitch]

Why did the leper leave the party?

He was sick of everyone dipping Jatz crackers into his neck. :shock:

 

[Bring it home Knights]

some great jokes there!

 

[Kaz]

How do you use an Egyptian Doorbell?

Toot and come in. (Tutankhamen) :lol:

 

[Misanthrope]

What do you call a leper having a fit?

Shrapnel