Non Footy Chat Thread II

[84 Baby]

I feel we can go lower TBH.

Q. Why does Santa have such a big sack?

A. Because he only comes once a year

 

[Twizzle]

I consistently drive a golf ball 350 metres. Unfortunately it's about 200 straight and 150 to the right

same here but not 350 metres, its no good being long if its on the wrong fairway

 

[Bazal]

its no good being long if its on the wrong fairway

A good lesson in both golf and relationships....

 

[Dibs]

same here but not 350 metres, its no good being long if its on the wrong fairway

I don't mind if it's on the wrong fairway as much as I mind when there is no fairway to the right.

 

[strider]

I don't mind if it's on the wrong fairway as much as I mind when there is no fairway to the right.

Cars and golf balls dont mix

 

[Dibs]

Cars and golf balls dont mix

The golf course I play frequently the car park is behind the 6th green. My cousin who I played with always asked me why I parked so far away from the club house, that was until he got a ball through his windscreen. Now he doesn't ask so much

 

[Incorrect]

The golf course I play frequently the car park is behind the 6th green. My cousin who I played with always asked me why I parked so far away from the club house, that was until he got a ball through his windscreen. Now he doesn't ask so much

Why don't they put up some netting to stop the balls smashing merkin's windscreens?

Or just stop shit players from playing there?

 

[Dibs]

Why don't they put up some netting to stop the balls smashing merkin's windscreens?

Or just stop shit players from playing there?

It's a cheap golf course mate it's made for shit players and they are to cheap to put up netting. There actually is some mesh but not enough to stop bad golfers. When I was a kid I seen a bloke put a golf ball through a clubhouse window teeing off on the last which was a par 3. The green was not that close to the clubhouse and you would have to be hitting at least 3 clubs to much to miss by as much as he did. I could never fathom how someone could get it so wrong

 

[Dibs]

Q. Why does Santa have such a big sack?

A. Because he only comes once a year

To be honest that's almost a clean joke compared to Gary's, not as funny but definitely not lower

 

[Gronk]

I'll admit that I was pissed to learn that Donald Trump plays off USPGA handicap of 3.

 

[Dibs]

I'll admit that I was pissed to learn that Donald Trump plays off USPGA handicap of 3.

Yeah but I bet he plays like Mr Burns with a Smithers for a caddy

 

[Incorrect]

It's a cheap golf course mate it's made for shit players and they are to cheap to put up netting. There actually is some mesh but not enough to stop bad golfers. When I was a kid I seen a bloke put a golf ball through a clubhouse window teeing off on the last which was a par 3. The green was not that close to the clubhouse and you would have to be hitting at least 3 clubs to much to miss by as much as he did. I could never fathom how someone could get it so wrong

LOL, I know mate, I was just stirring.... Even the best defence mechanism's are sometimes no match for un-coordination anyway!

Example - At my club, when you tee off on the 1st, the practise putting green is directly on your left, with green cyclone fence up for protection. You'd need to pull your tee shot at a 90 degree angle and then some to go anywhere near the direction of it... The car park is directly behind and to the left of the first tee, back over your left shoulder for the right hander... So one day my mate is hitting his tee shot (24 marker) and he somehow manages to shank it low, hard and left and it somehow manages to go under the cyclone fence at which point it canons off one of the stones of the rockery surrounding the practise green and flies in to the air back towards the carpark.... It was a good 60-80 feet in the air and my mate is shitting himself cause it's heading towards the cars in the carpark so he starts running after it hoping he will somehow get there in time and be able to catch it before it hits said cars.... Of course he doesn't make it in time, but he catches a break and the ball lands clear of cars, hits the bitumen and then bounces up on to the tin roof of the pro shop with almighty ping... Never seen anything like it... took a while to gather ourselves, we near pissed our pants watching it unfold...

 

[Gronk]

Yeah but I bet he plays like Mr Burns with a Smithers for a caddy

I think he's more like Homer than Mr Burns, but hey we're on the same page.

 

[Dibs]

LOL, I know mate, I was just stirring.... Even the best defence mechanism's are sometimes no match for un-coordination anyway!

Example - At my club, when you tee off on the 1st, the practise putting green is directly on your left, with green cyclone fence up for protection. You'd need to pull your tee shot at a 90 degree angle and then some to go anywhere near the direction of it... The car park is directly behind and to the left of the first tee, back over your left shoulder for the right hander... So one day my mate is hitting his tee shot (24 marker) and he somehow manages to shank it low, hard and left and it somehow manages to go under the cyclone fence at which point it canons off one of the stones of the rockery surrounding the practise green and flies in to the air back towards the carpark.... It was a good 60-80 feet in the air and my mate is shitting himself cause it's heading towards the cars in the carpark so he starts running after it hoping he will somehow get there in time and be able to catch it before it hits said cars.... Of course he doesn't make it in time, but he catches a break and the ball lands clear of cars, hits the bitumen and then bounces up on to the tin roof of the pro shop with almighty ping... Never seen anything like it... took a while to gather ourselves, we near pissed our pants watching it unfold...

Yeah all good mate I knew you were stirring. I love seeing unbelievably bad golf shots, makes me feel better about my game. In fact if you ever feel bad about your golf swing I recommend watching Charles Barkley swing a club. Makes anyone look like a pro

 

[84 Baby]

To be honest that's almost a clean joke compared to Gary's, not as funny but definitely not lower

When Gary first moved to Queensland, a typical Queenslander yokel knocked on his door. Here is the transcript:
Queenslander: G'day neighbour. I just stopped by to invite you to a party I'm throwing in honour of you moving into the neighbourhood.
Gary: Thanks neighbour. Sure I'll be there. When is it?
QLDer: Reckon we'll have it tonight at 7. But first I have to warn you, there'll be lots of drinking.
Gary: Well I'll pick some craft beers up on the way.
QLDer: There'll probably be some smoking too. Medicinal smoking...
Gary: All good. I too have occasional glaucoma...
QLDer: And there'll definitely be lots of f**king.
Gary: Sign me up!
QLDer: Great, see you then. Number 2, just over the street.
Gary: Did you want me to bring anything else?
QLDer: Bring whatever you want. It'll just be you and me.

 

[Dibs]

Funnier but not lower

 

[84 Baby]

Alright then

What do Brussels sprouts and anal sex have in common?

Spoiler

If you were forced to have it as a child, you'll hate it as an adult

 

[Incorrect]

Yeah all good mate I knew you were stirring. I love seeing unbelievably bad golf shots, makes me feel better about my game. In fact if you ever feel bad about your golf swing I recommend watching Charles Barkley swing a club. Makes anyone look like a pro

Oh yeah, I've seen Barkley's swing.... one of the more bizarre things I"ve seen on a golf course....

 

[hineyrulz]

I consistently drive a golf ball 350 metres. Unfortunately it's about 200 straight and 150 to the right

Sounds about right, and when I hit the thing straight it goes nowhere.

 

[Dibs]

Oh yeah, I've seen Barkley's swing.... one of the more bizarre things I"ve seen on a golf course....

Apparently he was a half decent golfer and then got the yips one day