Practical Jokes to Play on Christian Door Knockers

[TooheysNew]

Anybody got any?

Raider i'm lookin at you...

 

[choc_soldier]

Answer the door with 666 written on your forehead?

 

[Booyah]

Start speaking hebrew, or pretend to.

 

[madunit]

I ask them if they will clean my toilet. If they say no, I start complaining about how useless christianity is in todays society.

Never fails.

 

[Twizzle]

I had a discussion with the Jahovas one day about evolution and how Adam and Eve must have been apes.

They are so gullible, they thought I was serious and they tried to convince me that there was no such thing as evoultion.

Yeh right.

 

[The Colonel]

I had a discussion with the Jahovas one day about evolution and how Adam and Eve must have been apes.

They are so gullible, they thought I was serious and they tried to convince me that there was no such thing as evoultion.

Yeh right.

Talking to them about evolution tends to really upset them. Works well.

Inviting them in for a drink and asking them different questions everytime they try to leave seems to have them mark you in their book as never to approach again. My old flat mate did it once and they avoided us like the plague for the next three years.

 

[madunit]

Dinosaurs is another topic they avoid.

 

[attamarrap]

fk off usually works for me

 

[The Colonel]

My brother used to play Number of the Beast and answer the door in his Metallica t-shirt. That was always good for a laugh.

We also had a big old mongrel dog that just loved new people coming to the door. He used to get so excited and start humping peoples legs. Its not so bad if its a small dog but this thing was a cross between a bull mastiff and a german shepherd and would nearly knock them over. We'd let him into the front yard and would delay answering the door until he had them bailed up on the verandah.

 

[Raider_69]

Mate i got a GAZILLION!!!
atm im cooking dinner but will return with tales of my favourites

 

[madunit]

This happened to me 2 weeks ago. I worked a graveyard shift, got home at 8am. These morons knocked on the door at 11am while I was asleep. I hate being awoken unneccessarily.

*knock knock*
I walked to the door swearing.
me: who the f**k is this knocking on the f**king door!
*opens door*
I see these two bible holding idiots.
me: what the f**k do you want?
Them: are you interested...
me: no, f**k off! bye.
*slams door shut*

 

[madunit]

OK, here are some practical jokes to play on them

*Answer the door with a porno mag in your hand
*Answer the door in the nude
*Answer the door, when they ask a question just say "Hmmm, just let me get my gun"
*Answer the door dressed up like Jesus
*Don't open the door, but say in a loud booming voice that you are God, and if they don't leave soon, they will be sent to Afghanistan to be a sex toy for a frustrated pack of camels.
*Open the door and throw cutlery at them
*Open the door, have your eyes shut, and just start pissing on their shoes, then try and flush, then go back inside.
*Open the door and say "Hello, are you interested in joing my new cult?"
*Ask them very inappropriate questions after they have said something to you. for example "I heard if you rub rhinocerous semen in your scalp it will actually promote hair growth. Is this true?"
*Open the door, look in horror, start crying and screaming and yelling out "Make them go away, please make them go away, I can't deal with this mental torment any longer! I can't take it anymore, I can't live anymore!" then disappear to the kitchen and bang a pot on the bench, making a loud bang, and then shriek loudly.
*Open the door, put your hand out to shake their hand. When they grab your hand, lift it toward your mouth and bite them then say "mmmm tasty, tastes like crayons!" then try and bite them more.

 

[Raider_69]

My favourite one is probably what i call the kidnapping caper:

as they knock, scream at the top of your lungs "f**k! hid the f**kin kid.... no its not the coppers... i dont who the f**k they are, just hid the f**kin kid! Dont worry ill get rid of them"

then open the door and act really nervious, stutter alot and ask them at one point if they are under cover cops saying "you know if you are you have to tell me, otherwise its entrapment!!"

 

[madunit]

*when they knock on the door, just knock back. If they don't knock again, say "Hello, can I come in? Hello? Hello?" knock again. When they speak say "Can you speak up, I can't hear you". Say that after every line they say. Once they start yelling tell them to stop yelling, because your not deaf.

 

[Raider_69]

*Open the door and say "Hello, are you interested in joing my new cult?"

Reminds me of my other fav... let them talk to ya for awhile then when they've finshed their speil, try and recruit them, obviously your religion is something thats totally ridiculous. i recall trying to recruit a couple of door knockers into my Players and Skanks religion, aswell as the Jedi Council :lol:

 

[madunit]

Answer the door, look at the guys standing there and yell back to anyone (or no-one) and say "Did anyone order two f**kwits?" when you get no answer look back at the guys and say, "Sorry fellas, you got the wrong house, try next door"

 

[madunit]

I can see Raider and I are going to have fun here! :lol:

 

[Raider_69]

I recon i almost had one considering the jedi council one :lol:
was f**kin halarious, he keep asking questions, once they got to annoying i sent em through to the next house saying "master yoda lives theres, answer your questions he will" :lol:

 

[madunit]

hahaha did you end it with "may the force be with you, and also with you"

 

[Raider_69]

Another beauty if i dont have time to stuff around is wait for them to mention god and then claim "God aye...yea i had an imaginary friend too, his name was chilli matombo, i sort of grew out of him at about age 9, he was a basketball player in the Imaginary Basketball league... so what does "god" do for a quid?"

or "sorry mate, i dont believe in things that dont exist."