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I love how you have taken up the cudgels in this debate and your arguments are tinged with self righteousness.
Good on him.Addin Fonua-Blake wants to prove he's a better man than his record
By Daniel Lane
UpdatedMay 6, 2016 — 5.05pmfirst published at5.00pm
When Addin Fonua-Blake appeared before a judge last year he knew he was a facing a prison sentence after pleading guilty to pushing and kicking his partner Ana, the mother of his two children.
In order to prove to Ana he was sorry for an act he knows was despicable, Fonua-Blake, who was 19 at the time, realised he needed to take "ownership" of it.
Manly NRL player Addin Fonua-Blake with his partner Ana Pilimai and their two children Malachi and Aubrey.CREDITOMINIC LORRIMER
"I pleaded guilty because I done it," said Fonua-Blake, who was fined $1000, given a 12 month suspended jail sentence and ordered to undergo counselling. "Had I gone the other way and told the judge 'not guilty' it would've been a lie … I couldn't do that because it would have added to Ana's hurt.
"I needed to take ownership of what I did. I have to live with this for the rest of my footy career and the rest of my life. All I'm worried about is being the best father, the best role model and best family man possible. I can't change the past – I wish I could – but I can fix the future.
"The idea I could be in jail is a scary thought now. I didn't have a clear mind [at the time] … I was ashamed … but I had this feeling of 'I'm not scared of no-one' when I was charged. Now I realise it isn't about me. If I had've gone to jail who'd have provided for my kids?
"I was caught up in this life of thinking I was better than everyone else when I wasn't. I hadn't even played first grade but I carried on as though I had. I needed a reality check, someone to put me back in line and set me straight."
Fonua-Blake was cut by St George Illawarra when they learnt about the charges levelled against their talented NYC captain, who was earmarked as a future first-grader. But being axed was the least of the 19-year-old's problems.
As the couple sat together with their infant children, Malachi and Aubrey, at a beachside cafe in Maroubra, Fonua-Blake, who is now playing with Manly, spoke with a brutal honestly about those violent seconds he knows will define the way many people view him.
"People might have formed their judgements about me and while I don't want my kids walking around with people saying 'that's those kids whose father bashes their mum', all that matters to me is is Ana's opinion," he said. "She has given me the chance to prove I'm sorry."
Fonua-Blake, who was picked for City Origin but then had to leave the team days before the trip to Tamworth when the selectors realised he wasn't eligible after playing for the Junior Kiwis, said the flare-up that occurred after a boozy night out with his St George Illawarra teammates was fuelled by alcohol and the facade he was a big shot.
"When I was coming through the St George Illawarra ranks I had a bad drinking problem," he said. "I was always drinking and I was letting Ana and our kids down in the process. I went out one night and had a few drinks and came home hung over.
"We had an argument, one thing led to another and I was pushing her … I kicked her … and I'm very ashamed of it. I grew up around that sort of stuff and Ana deserves much better than that."
Government statistics released in 2015 documented one in six Australian women have experienced violence from a current or former partner, one in three will experience domestic violence in their lifetime. Fonua-Blake hoped talking openly about his actions –and shame – might help some men realise there's no excuse for raising their hands to a woman.
Ana, who met Fonua-Blake when they attended school together, explained the reason why she's remained in the relationship was because she knows the man he really is.
"When it first happened I thought 'why me?'," she said. "But when I looked at Addin I could see he needed help and I couldn't leave him where he was.
"I loved him and I just wanted to be with him – not because of the kids, not because of his career – but because I loved him and wanted to help him. And he's improved so much."
Fonua-Blake said Ana convinced him to continue to train like a first-grader for the 18 months he was on the outer and uncertain whether the NRL's integrity unit would register him. He credited the encouragement and support from Manly coach Trent Barrett and official Bob Fulton provided him some hope his career wasn't over.
"Ana swayed me to keep going," he said. "She told me 'this is what you're good at, keep doing it'. She said I needed to make better decisions on the field and off it and I listened and I stuck with it."
Fonua-Blake endured a violent upbringing as a child in Sydney's south-east. He often witnessed his mother being attacked by her partner and he was also involved in vicious one-on-one street fights, although he's reluctant to go into much detail about either subject.
"It is a hard childhood but then again, a lot of kids grew up through it, too," he said. "But they don't get the right help. I had Ana, my manager Tyran Smith, my mother, my barrister Julieanne Levick and friends. I realised I had a lot of people around me and they were all willing to give me a hand.
"Growing up I fought a lot at school, out of school … wherever. I was bigger than most of the others so when I was a kid I fought older teenagers, when I was a teenager I took on men.
"I didn't feel as though I was angry. I thought I had something to prove; being this big kid you feel like you have to take on anyone and if they want to 'go' you have to be ready.
"I wish I could change all that but I can't. I'm older, I'm wiser and these days if anyone walks up to me and wants to carry on I just think 'good on you, do what you want and I'll do what I want'."
Tyran Smith said Fonua-Blake was desperate to redeem himself to Ana before suggesting the 20-year-old has it in him to teach others about the consequences of regrettable actions. Levick believes he could be a great counsellor.
Fonua-Blake said he's done everything the court ordered, and more, because he's also volunteered to talk to young NRL players about the consequences of poor judgement.
"But more important than anything else is Ana has given me the chance to prove myself to her and I'm grateful," he said. "I could be sitting in jail but I'm being a dad and a partner who loves his family more than anything else.
"In that [court-ordered] counselling course I realised a lot of my stuff stemmed back to my alcohol problem. While I'm in a much better place than 18 months ago I'm not finished yet. I can go a lot further."
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, you can ring the Domestic Violence Line for help on 1800 656 463 or 24 hour, National Sexual Assault, Family & Domestic Violence Counselling Line 1800 737 732.
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https://www.smh.com.au/sport/nrl/ad...tter-man-than-his-record-20160504-gom4u5.html
Changing the goalposts again?
And this is the clear problem with your argument..
I have posted the same question re AFB numerous times long before we were "desperate".
I honestly don't understand what you mean.
I’ll put it in plain English then..
And if he turned out to be a bad player, not a good one?
You were the one that called BS...
We may be getting to the crux of this debate.
Again the judgemental muzby makes an arsehole of himself and ignores the thrust of the post.
It’s truly a long way to fall from your high horse.
We went out on a limb for Packer and he repaid us by bludging on us for half a season as soon as he signed elsewhere
Great to hear that rehabilitation of a prisoner is a great thing.. But clearly you have chosen to go off half cocked instead of actually reading this thread..
Nice try to free yourself but alas you are well and truly on the hook
Rubbish.
