Ask LU - The relationship advice thread II

[Drew-Sta]

My ex is doing my head in. I'm trying my best to remain friends with her because I care about her and because she's going through a hard time; but when she posts stuff like"



I turned down going to the Philippines with her because we were about to break up and she wanted me to take unpaid leave to go meet her there. When I go in January, it's on paid scheduled leave.

I didn't want to move to Thailand with her because we fought constantly and I didn't want to trade a 20 hour a week teaching job for a 40 hour a week teaching job. When I move to Thailand next year, I don't intend to work at all.

It frustrates me because she seems completely blind to the extenuating circumstances (and pretends we didn't fight on a daily basis), but also because I'm doing all I can to be supportive and she posts shit like that and passive aggressively complains to me about how I'm a jerk for doing something she wanted to do.

She's hurt, mate. Nothing more, nothing less. I'd say she loved you, wanted more but knew you didn't and is still dealing with the fall out of how it all works.

The reality is that most people can't see themselves in a relationship either, or they choose to see what they want. She's deified her experience with you and its part-flattery part-awkward because all relationships have problems and she's oblivious to the issues you both had that resulted in the demise of the relationship.

If I am correct in saying, though - the last thing you need is a negative influence in your life due to the ole dog that follows you around. I'd save yourself some heartache, write her a PM saying you're cutting ties then pull out the old 'defriend' button and smack it hard.

 

[sportive cupid]

Or maybe someone hacked into her Facebook.
happens all too regularly.

 

[Misanthrope]

She's hurt, mate. Nothing more, nothing less. I'd say she loved you, wanted more but knew you didn't and is still dealing with the fall out of how it all works.

The reality is that most people can't see themselves in a relationship either, or they choose to see what they want. She's deified her experience with you and its part-flattery part-awkward because all relationships have problems and she's oblivious to the issues you both had that resulted in the demise of the relationship.

If I am correct in saying, though - the last thing you need is a negative influence in your life due to the ole dog that follows you around. I'd save yourself some heartache, write her a PM saying you're cutting ties then pull out the old 'defriend' button and smack it hard.

I've considered it, but at the end of the day she needs my support more than she is damaging my happiness, so I'm happy to shrug it off for her good. She's going through a tough time at home while she waits for her Australian visa to be approved. I imagine things will be easier for both of us once she's in Oz and enjoying herself again.

 

[Dutchy]

Shut up sc.

 

[Misanthrope]

Or maybe someone hacked into her Facebook.
happens all too regularly.

Nah, I got angry texts about it too. There's a difference between posting here (where only Beeker knows her) and posting on FB (where a shit tonne of people know me).

 

[Drew-Sta]

I've considered it, but at the end of the day she needs my support more than she is damaging my happiness, so I'm happy to shrug it off for her good. She's going through a tough time at home while she waits for her Australian visa to be approved. I imagine things will be easier for both of us once she's in Oz and enjoying herself again.

Your call so sure - that's an honourable thing to do. It is frustrating that she is petty enough to play the hate game publically. Not nice at all.

 

[Misanthrope]

Your call so sure - that's an honourable thing to do. It is frustrating that she is petty enough to play the hate game publically. Not nice at all.

She did delete it pretty much immediately. I didn't even see it. She sent me a copy to show me what she'd said.

I get that she's hurting. I just wish she'd take off the rose coloured glasses; we made one another pretty damn unhappy.

But I can't be angry at her. I'm just as guilty of glorifying past relationships and eulogizing the past despite the obvious flaws.

 

[sportive cupid]

How did she send you a copy of it after she deleted it?

S she is waiting for her Australian visa is she? what's her citizenship btw?

Has she ever worked in Australia before? because its often really hard to get that for certain citizens.

 

[Misanthrope]

How did she send you a copy of it after she deleted it?

S she is waiting for her Australian visa is she? what's her citizenship btw?

Has she ever worked in Australia before? because its often really hard to get that for certain citizens.

She took a photo of it on her phone and sent it.

She's just applying for the Working Holiday visa, so she shouldn't have any problem given she's a cashed up American. It just takes longer if you've spent any considerable amount of time in Asia due to the medical checks you have to get.

 

[sportive cupid]

If she was in a long term relationship with an Aussie she would have no trouble at all She would get residency that way.

 

[Misanthrope]

If she was in a long term relationship with an Aussie she would have no trouble at all She would get residency that way.

Yeah, my ex (another American) and I looked into it when she was finishing up her Working Holiday a few years back. Easy, but not cheap.

 

[Amadaca]

...meeting & getting to know a new girls friends? This is probably the single most problematic issue I've had in past relationships, & it is coming up again as I get deeper into a new relationship. Typically the issue goes like this...

- I meet friends
- I hate friends
- I don't say anything
- My hatred stews over time
- My hatred spills over during fight
- Relationship ends

Now, flat out refusing to meet friends has proven damaging. I need a solid basis for never having to meet these people. There is a decent age gap between me & the new girl (& so her friends too) that would likely only exacerbate differences, so who has advice for negating this prickly issue?

 

[Baron Vo Mandor]

Harden the f**k up every bloke hates it but its part of the deal. Or failing that get used to the thought of a life alone.

 

[Amadaca]

Harden the f**k up every bloke hates it but its part of the deal. Or failing that get used to the thought of a life alone.

I like to think of it in these terms - we can lay down & cop it, or we can find a solution through which we could all benefit.

Why the hell is this always so important to women anyway!? Why isn't having a good rapport, a good time, & a good thing enough without having to involve others!?

 

[gUt]

Your time among the humans has been short, no?

 

[sportive cupid]

I would just drop sone subtle hints which suggest you are interested in group sex with her friends and that you really arent chosey.
its a win win I always find.

 

[phantom eel]

My ex is doing my head in. I'm trying my best to remain friends with her because I care about her and because she's going through a hard time; but when she posts stuff like"



I turned down going to the Philippines with her because we were about to break up and she wanted me to take unpaid leave to go meet her there. When I go in January, it's on paid scheduled leave.

I didn't want to move to Thailand with her because we fought constantly and I didn't want to trade a 20 hour a week teaching job for a 40 hour a week teaching job. When I move to Thailand next year, I don't intend to work at all.

It frustrates me because she seems completely blind to the extenuating circumstances (and pretends we didn't fight on a daily basis), but also because I'm doing all I can to be supportive and she posts shit like that and passive aggressively complains to me about how I'm a jerk for doing something she wanted to do.

Three words.

Unfriend. Move On.

 

[phantom eel]

I've considered it, but at the end of the day she needs my support more than she is damaging my happiness, so I'm happy to shrug it off for her good. She's going through a tough time at home while she waits for her Australian visa to be approved. I imagine things will be easier for both of us once she's in Oz and enjoying herself again.

Really? Would you call it support, or being used...

She did delete it pretty much immediately. I didn't even see it. She sent me a copy to show me what she'd said.

I get that she's hurting. I just wish she'd take off the rose coloured glasses; we made one another pretty damn unhappy.

But I can't be angry at her. I'm just as guilty of glorifying past relationships and eulogizing the past despite the obvious flaws.

Now that's needy.... If anything, support her to get (professional) help, and then cease support and unfriend etc. It seems she's caught you in a self-continuing loop of support and neediness, that is also stopping her from moving on successfully.

 

[God-King Dean]

She took a photo of it on her phone and sent it.

She's just applying for the Working Holiday visa, so she shouldn't have any problem given she's a cashed up American. It just takes longer if you've spent any considerable amount of time in Asia due to the medical checks you have to get.

:lol:

Sorry......

 

[Joker's Wild]

Sometimes I feel a little jealous when Mis posts about his Asian adventures with exotic women and what not

Then he tells us about the psychos he has to deal with and it makes me feel better about it :lol:

I dont envy you single blokes these days. Facebook, Instrgram, etc lets personal shit go global.