Ask LU - The relationship advice thread II

[Fire]

p.s. or if you're serious do what Batman said.

 

[Mong]

So who have you told?

No one..

It seems the best course of action if she does what we have talked about..

 

[_Johnsy]

What do you do if a good friend tells you she is having an affair when her husband is also a good friend as is the other guy?

I'm choosing to keep it to myself as it was told to me in confidence as she really needed to talk it through to get an objective view from a non involved person.

Feel like a real merkin though for keeping it from a friend, but the alternative is to tell a secret told in confidence by a friend.

Either option is potentially lose lose.

What would you do?

Easy solution. Put yourself in his position, would you want to be told ?

 

[Mong]

Easy solution. Put yourself in his position, would you want to be told ?

I don't know tbh.. If its stopped, what does being told achieve? I'm not sure what that answer is.

 

[sportive cupid]

No one..

It seems the best course of action if she does what we have talked about..

..which is?

 

[Dragon2010]

I don't know tbh.. If its stopped, what does being told achieve? I'm not sure what that answer is.

The fact she might do it again?
The fact she still thinks about the guy?
The fact she did it in the first place?
The fact that he might end up going to far with this girl and make a big mistake?

 

[Mong]

..which is?

Well to keep it short and sweet and not summarise many hours of conversation...

To not do it again.

 

[Mong]

The fact she might do it again?
The fact she still thinks about the guy?
The fact she did it in the first place?
The fact that he might end up going to far with this girl and make a big mistake?

They are already married with kids.. It's so out of character as well..

I don't fully understand her reasons.

 

[sportive cupid]

Well to keep it short and sweet and not summarise many hours of conversation...

To not do it again.

So why do you think she told you,knowing that you might just decide you need to tell the other parties?

 

[_Johnsy]

If I was in that position, I'd expect a friend to tell me. My wife may have no respect for me by doing the dirty. However I'd expect a mate, a true mate to have enough respect for me to be honest.

Or you can give her an ultimatum. She told you in an effort to protect herself, she tells him or you do. She has no right to put you in that position IMO.

 

[Dragon2010]

They are already married with kids.. It's so out of character as well..

I don't fully understand her reasons.

Oh god, that just adds to the complication. Ouch, I feel for you now mate. That makes it much tougher. Kids to uphold as well....Sometimes in certain circumstances people do certain things out of the norm (Or the husband does not measure up).

 

[Joker's Wild]

Stay the f**k out of it bro. Keep your mouth shut and pretend you didnt hear shit.

 

[Mong]

So why do you think she told you,knowing that you might just decide you need to tell the other parties?

Because she knows its much more likely I won't tell.. If she hasn't had too many beers I'm not sure i would know.

 

[_Johnsy]

Actually MONG, F*** it. PM me his mobile number and Ill ring and tell him. The poor bastard deserves to know.

 

[Mong]

Oh god, that just adds to the complication. Ouch, I feel for you now mate. That makes it much tougher. Kids to uphold as well....Sometimes in certain circumstances people do certain things out of the norm (Or the husband does not measure up).

Her husband is awesome, she admits that, always had and she's completely genuine about it.

The other party also has kids, I don't know his wife though.

 

[Dragon2010]

Her husband is awesome, she admits that, always had and she's completely genuine about it.

The other party also has kids, I don't know his wife though.

Dear god, what kind of Jerry Springer shit is going on here?

Look, I will make one statement. You have a few options. I'm sure you are well aware of what they are. But that sucks, she has put you in quite a situation.

 

[Jubileeboy]

Discuss a plan of action with your wife ! You know...her 'best friend'.
Moral dilemna
Refer to Jokers post...don't get involved but you should discuss with your wife cause if the shit hits the fan and you knew, 'ol wifey won't be pleased that you knew and didn't tell her.

 

[Mong]

Stay the f**k out of it bro. Keep your mouth shut and pretend you didnt hear shit.

Kind of what i wanted to do initially.. But she clearly needed someone to talk to and help her and as her friend i felt that was the right thing to do.

Although it now means i know pretty much everything...

 

[sportive cupid]

Tbh,it's not your call.Id be encouraging this friend to do what leads to the best outcome for them all.

You're right to say that there's often no point to telling someone something hurtful just to make yourself feel better.

I would be having a second heart to heart with this friend and indicating that you're not available to be the sounding board next time.

...and how come you are good with the third guy and yet don't know his wife?

 

[Mong]

Discuss a plan of action with your wife ! You know...her 'best friend'.
Moral dilemna
Refer to Jokers post...don't get involved but you should discuss with your wife cause if the shit hits the fan and you knew, 'ol wifey won't be pleased that you knew and didn't tell her.

Very true, she will be very unhappy i know, we talked about that today (my friend and i)..

I won't discuss it with my wife unless my friend gives me the ok to do so.

My wife will understand after the initial unhappiness why i chose not to.. She's totes awesome