Daily Telegraph/Courier Mail bullsh*t

[Everlovin' Antichrist]

meh, let's give this another run.

To help the Yanks understand the game...

AFL - acronym for Australian Football League, the governing body of Australian Rules Football.

Australian Rules Football is a regionally stunted game played primarily for and by rampant non-heterosexuals in the Southern States of Australia. The AFL is a conglomeration of blind lepers who have unnerving control over the sporting minds of ½ the population.

The game itself begins when two teams of 18 limp-wristed nancy boys run onto an oval through a 40 foot high banner made of toilet paper which has messages of love from their fans painted in it in various shades of lipstick. Running though the banner is the zenith of anyone's Australian Rules Football experience.

Prior to the game's commencement but after the "running of the banner" each side gathers in a group and runs around the oval to warm up. This is commonly known as a "melee" and is the first of many over the approximately 120 minutes the game takes.

Once the game starts at the sound of a hooter that would arouse a Moose, the ball (similar to a Gridiron ball, but less heterosexual) is bounced by a prat in a dangerously loud shirt called the "umpy". The main vocation of the umpy is to spend the game listening to 40,000 lispers calling out "ball". Most umpys are thankful that the word "ball" has no S in it.

From the first bounce until the end of the game there is a 100 minute game consisting of the aforementioned 36 men attempting to do things to each other that would be considered outrageous at a Mexican Donkey Show.

Scores are earned by kicking the ball between 4 posts at either end of the ground, yes 4. A player earns 6 points (a goal) for kicking the ball between the two highest posts in the centre of the 4 posts, and he scores 1 point (a behind) for missing the big posts but still managing to not miss all the posts.

Talent and co-ordination are not requirements to play Australian Rules Football. It is slightly tougher than Draughts but a smidgeon under Backgammon in toughness.

It is a game adored by 1/2 the country and hated by the other half. The collective IQ of the former is 12.

Hate Australian Rules Football even if you've never seen a game, it saves time later on.

I'm not a homosexual but I once AFL'd a guy who is.

 

[Scott Gourley's Lovechild]

Full forward means Watmough at a season launch

:lol:

 

[thorson1987]

And for future reference:
Brisbane, on this site, means the Broncos,
Saints means the Dragons (or merge)
Tigers means Wests
Bulldogs means Coffs Harbour or "wear flack jackets"
Kangaroos means Australia
Eagles means Manly or hate
Pies means lunch
Flag means, well, flag
Full forward means Watmough at a season launch
Behind means Souffs at fulltime,
and Dockers is the bloke that drives ET home from the Cronulla Old Boys reunion piss ups!

You do dribble some shit on here Strat but this post is absolute gold.

10/10

 

[seaeagle sam]

Hands up. I said "last year". I did mean last season.

I guess we should let you off by suggesting that the Gold Coast's first season was either 2011 or 2010 (It was actually 1988, reincarnated in 2007).

Unless you meant the AFL team. Matey, this is a league site. Mention "Gold Coast" and we think of Preston running off Prince after a Bull Bailey hitup. Not those gimps that threw a lotto win at cutie.

And for future reference:
Brisbane, on this site, means the Broncos,
Saints means the Dragons (or merge)
Tigers means Wests
Bulldogs means Coffs Harbour or "wear flack jackets"
Kangaroos means Australia
Eagles means Manly or hate
Pies means lunch
Flag means, well, flag
Full forward means Watmough at a season launch
Behind means Souffs at fulltime,
and Dockers is the bloke that drives ET home from the Cronulla Old Boys reunion piss ups!

One of your best Loudy, but come on mate, you love the Sea Eagles. I've even seen you you defend them over the past month or two ;-)

 

[Canard]

One of your best Loudy, but come on mate, you love the Sea Eagles. I've even seen you you defend them over the past month or two ;-)

Only because it was related to a bigger passion of his, he felt slighted because some nong mentioned re-locating them to reduce the amount of "Sydney" teams.

Loudy passion is a) Parra, b) fighting against re-location nongs and c) hating on anything QLD.......;-)

 

[seaeagle sam]

Only because it was related to a bigger passion of his, he felt slighted because some nong mentioned re-locating them to reduce the amount of "Sydney" teams.

Loudy passion is a) Parra, b) fighting against re-location nongs and c) hating on anything QLD.......;-)

I know but we need all the support we can. I totally agree with all three passions. He's a hard man to hate.

 

[firechild]

I know but we need all the support we can. I totally agree with all three passions. He's a hard man to hate.

Can't say I could ever agree with any passion for Parra but certainly agree with the others.

 

[seaeagle sam]

Can't say I could ever agree with any passion for Parra but certainly agree with the others.

yeah, I meant his passion for his club.

 

[firechild]

yeah, I meant his passion for his club.

I know what you meant. I still can't condone it. :lol:

 

[Loudstrat]

Canard, I dont have a Queensland hate. I just despise idiots - and it just happens that Queensland is chock full of idiots!

 

[Brutus]

There's a half page picture of Kevin Sheldy holding his new grandchild in the Telecrap today. This paper loves Sheldy and GWS.

I mentioned this for the benefit of Loudy who might want to buy a copy so he can put this photo on his wall at home beside his Gary Vernon posters. lol

 

[betcats]

Canard, I dont have a Queensland hate. I just despise idiots - and it just happens that Queensland is chock full of idiots!

Queensland - The stupid state.

 

[Ronnie Dobbs]

Canard, I dont have a Queensland hate. I just despise idiots - and it just happens that Queensland is chock full of idiots!

Well said Loudy.

 

[snoozer]

Queensland - The stupid state.

queensland - beautiful one day, perfect the next.
why they filled it full of ignorant, redneck, inbred dickheads we'll never know.

 

[gUt]

Someone pull the plug on this thread, it's filling fast with those delicious NSW tears.

 

[gUt]

There's a half page picture of Kevin Sheldy holding his new grandchild in the Telecrap today. This paper loves Sheldy and GWS.

But but but teh Syndey medias blacks out AFL covage bbecause they are own NRL?!

 

[Loudstrat]

There's a half page picture of Kevin Sheldy holding his new grandchild in the Telecrap today. This paper loves Sheldy and GWS.

So do you - as you excitedly report any AFL reporting!

I mentioned this for the benefit of Loudy who might want to buy a copy so he can put this photo on his wall at home beside his Gary Vernon posters. lol

Who? Vernon Reid is the guitarist from Living Color......?

queensland - beautiful one day, perfect the next.
why they filled it full of ignorant, redneck, inbred dickheads we'll never know.

:lol: Its a bit like a dak pot. It attracts dickheads to keep them out of NSW - which is why all the Victorians retire there!

 

[eozsmiles]

Disagree strongly. The AFL have better spin - thats about it..

Spot on. Ask any AFL fan and they'll tell you that NRL has an image problem. Over the last couple of years the AFL has totally trumped the NRL when it comes to poor behaviour. Everything from rape to drugs to living it up with a murderer. The St. Kilda club just about leave the whole NRL for dead when it comes to playing up.
When Victorians talk about the king of spin Warnie isn't the only one to get a mention - Demetriou, McGuire, and Sheedy are guns too.

 

[El Diablo]

AFL journo's are protective of their sport and have even covered up for them.

NRL journo's are the opposite. they much prefer negative headlines and dragging something out

 

[East Coast Tiger]

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/sport/nrl/willie-mason-fields-no-offers-from-nrl-clubs-but-guyra-superspuds-are-keen/story-e6frexnr-1226219392227


This is a beat-up too. Ritchie has just found a small bush club with a funny name and rung the president and said "hey would you like Willis Mason to play for you?" and naturally he said "yeah we'll have him". Just spoke to the preisdent and he said this is exactly what happened.