Daily Telegraph: Feleti Mateo launches Eel attack

[Habitual Linestepper]

The Warriors are playing finals footy, not very well atm but still made it there. The Eels aren't and will struggle again next year.

The only reason you've made it further this year then you did last year is cause a shit team like the panthers didn't fluke their way to second place so they could lose in the first week of the finals and get you guys knocked out.

No one is saying he didn't have a good year and that he was a shit buy for you. He was nominated for second rower of the year so he's obviously done pretty well for himself over there.

The thing you don't get is that we will be better off for it. There's no way we could have afforded both Willie Tonga and Sandow if Mateo was still here. We've needed a halfback for ages and it took offloading Mateo for it to finally happen.

It doesn't look like it at the moment, but Mateo heading to the Warriors was actually beneficial for both teams.

 

[Maroubra Eel]

Damn, I was hoping you would have more insults for me.

I reckon you're a f**king merkin.

 

[Habitual Linestepper]

Damn, I was hoping you would have more insults for me.

I'm guessing that 2000 of your posts are either on Billy Rogers or "Morts".

Not really an insult, just thought i'd throw it out there.

 

[Parra Pride]

I have the same opinion of myself.

 

[Parra Pride]

I'm guessing that 2000 of your posts are either on Billy Rogers or "Morts".

Not really an insult, just thought i'd throw it out there.

You're probably right, do you think you could count the exact number for me?

 

[Raudonikis]

i actually think if morts is still here next year he will blow alll of the negative opinions about him out of the water and all you princesses will be bending over for him and his class

 

[Gronk]

Damn, I was hoping you would have more insults for me.

You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. I wager you couldn't empty a boot of excrement were the instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus.

And what meaning do you expect your delusional self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have to us who think and reason? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake? You are a waste of flesh.

You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed , drooling meatgirl. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey twinkie. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on.

This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half-baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective.

True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

You're an idiot. A moron of the highest order. You're so stupid it's a wonder and a pity you can remember to breath. Intelligent ideas bounce off your head as if it were coated with teflon. Creative thoughts take alternate transportation in order to avoid even being in the same state as you. If you had an original thought it would die of loneliness before the hour was out. On an intelligence scale of 1 to 10 (10 corresponding to the highest attainable IQ) you're rating is so far into negative numbers that one would need to travel into another quantum reality in order to even catch a distant glimpse of it.

Your personality is that of a rabid Chihuahua intent on destroying its own tail. Your powers of observation are akin to those of the bird that keeps slamming into the picture window trying to get that other bird it keeps seeing. You are walking, talking proof that you don't have to be sentient to survive, and that Barnum was thinking of you when he uttered his immortal phrase regarding the birth of a sucker. You are, at varying times, tedious, boring, and even occasionally earth shatteringly hilarious in your idiocy, routinely childish, moronic, pathetic, wretched, disgusting and pitiful.

You are wholly without any redeeming social grace or value. If God ever decides to give the planet an enema you'd better run like the wind because anywhere you stand is a suitable place for The Insertion. There is no animal so disgusting, so vile that it deserves comparison to you, for even the lowest, dirtiest, most parasitic member of the animal kingdom fills an ecological niche. You fill no niche. To call you a parasite would be injurious and defamatory to the thousands of honest parasitic species. You are worse than vermin, for vermin do not pretend to be what it is not. You are truly human garbage. You are a fraudulent, lying, predatory charlatan. You are of less worth than a burnt-out light bulb. You will forever live in shame.

You have nothing to say, and Godwin's Law does not apply when writing about you. You are the anti-Midas, for all that you touch becomes valueless and unusable. Mothers gather their children close when you appear. You are an aberration, a corruption, and a boil that needs to be lanced. You are a poison in need of being vomited. You are a tooth so rotten it infects the whole body. You are sperm that should have been captured in a condom and flushed down a toilet.

I don't like you. I don't like anybody who has as little respect for others as you do. Go away, you swine. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, and a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon. You are a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. Meaningful to no one, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts that sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I wretch at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, and the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell? Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. You are a waste of flesh. On a good day you're a halfwit. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, study, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libellous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystrophic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, abrasive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, and socially-geniused.

​

 

[Suitman]

if

The only word of your post that was relevant.

Suity

 

[Parra Pride]

Got anymore Gronk? I love being insulted.

 

[hineyrulz]

i actually think if morts is still here next year he will blow alll of the negative opinions about him out of the water and all you princesses will be bending over for him and his class

:lol: Bit hard to do that playing for Wenty.

 

[Raudonikis]

suity i seriously believe he will produce

 

[Far Canal]

Love him or loathe him, we really did miss his ball playing skills.

Our backrow was devoid of any ball playing ability and that actually put so much pressure on our halves (case in point is Hayne).

Oh well, good luck to him. I guess he has the last laugh because his side is playing footy and Parra are in of season mode.

 

[Suitman]

You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. I wager you couldn't empty a boot of excrement were the instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus.

And what meaning do you expect your delusional self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have to us who think and reason? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake? You are a waste of flesh.

You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed , drooling meatgirl. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey twinkie. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on.

This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half-baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective.

True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

You're an idiot. A moron of the highest order. You're so stupid it's a wonder and a pity you can remember to breath. Intelligent ideas bounce off your head as if it were coated with teflon. Creative thoughts take alternate transportation in order to avoid even being in the same state as you. If you had an original thought it would die of loneliness before the hour was out. On an intelligence scale of 1 to 10 (10 corresponding to the highest attainable IQ) you're rating is so far into negative numbers that one would need to travel into another quantum reality in order to even catch a distant glimpse of it.

Your personality is that of a rabid Chihuahua intent on destroying its own tail. Your powers of observation are akin to those of the bird that keeps slamming into the picture window trying to get that other bird it keeps seeing. You are walking, talking proof that you don't have to be sentient to survive, and that Barnum was thinking of you when he uttered his immortal phrase regarding the birth of a sucker. You are, at varying times, tedious, boring, and even occasionally earth shatteringly hilarious in your idiocy, routinely childish, moronic, pathetic, wretched, disgusting and pitiful.

You are wholly without any redeeming social grace or value. If God ever decides to give the planet an enema you'd better run like the wind because anywhere you stand is a suitable place for The Insertion. There is no animal so disgusting, so vile that it deserves comparison to you, for even the lowest, dirtiest, most parasitic member of the animal kingdom fills an ecological niche. You fill no niche. To call you a parasite would be injurious and defamatory to the thousands of honest parasitic species. You are worse than vermin, for vermin do not pretend to be what it is not. You are truly human garbage. You are a fraudulent, lying, predatory charlatan. You are of less worth than a burnt-out light bulb. You will forever live in shame.

You have nothing to say, and Godwin's Law does not apply when writing about you. You are the anti-Midas, for all that you touch becomes valueless and unusable. Mothers gather their children close when you appear. You are an aberration, a corruption, and a boil that needs to be lanced. You are a poison in need of being vomited. You are a tooth so rotten it infects the whole body. You are sperm that should have been captured in a condom and flushed down a toilet.

I don't like you. I don't like anybody who has as little respect for others as you do. Go away, you swine. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, and a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon. You are a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. Meaningful to no one, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts that sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I wretch at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, and the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell? Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. You are a waste of flesh. On a good day you're a halfwit. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, study, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libellous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystrophic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, abrasive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, and socially-geniused.

Is that all you've got?

Suity

 

[Parra Pride]

Is that all you've got?

Suity

I wish there was more too.

 

[Poupou Escobar]

I guess he has the last laugh

You could only say he has the most recent laugh.

It's not the last laugh because it's all on again next year, and let's not forget he had a shocker and lost the first (and most recent) time he played against us.

 

[Suitman]

suity i seriously believe he will produce

That's fine champ. No prob's.
I seriously believe he won't.

Suity

 

[natheel]

Come on gronk don't stop there...ur just getting started

 

[The EELiminator]

Come on gronk don't stop there...ur just getting started

yeah dont hold back gronk tell us what you really think

 

[Parra Pride]

yeah dont hold back gronk tell us what you really think

+1

 

[Casper The Ghost]

Damn, I was hoping you would have more insults for me.

Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...

Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?

I've seen more life in a down and out's vest.

You're red shirt goes well with your eyes...

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.

Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.

You're about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder

All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo.

I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.

You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.

He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe

Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.

If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!

You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.

You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it!

I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.

Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?

Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?

Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...

I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college.

Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.

I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!

I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.

Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!

I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'

A demitasse would fit his head like a sombrero.​

A guy with your IQ should have a low voice too!​

A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.​

A sharp tongue is no indication of a keen mind.​

After meeting you, I've decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of incest.​

All of your ancestors must number in the millions; it's hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you.​

All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account?​

Alone: In bad company.​

And there he was: reigning supreme at number two.​

Any friend of yours ... is a friend of yours.​

Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!​

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.​

Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?​

Are you brain-dead?​

Are your parents siblings?​

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?​

As useless as rubber lips on a woodpecker. ~ Earl Pitts ~​

As welcome as a rattlesnake at a square dance. ~ Robert Reinhold ~​

At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people - you are

obnoxious in a different and worse way!​

Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up.​

Believe me, I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit?​

Better at sex than anyone, now all he needs is a partner.​

Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing!​

Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.​

Can I borrow your face for a few days while my ass is on vacation?​

Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!​

Converse with any plankton lately?​

Diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas.​

Did the mental hospital test too many drugs on you today?​

Did you eat paint chips when you were a kid?​

Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?​

Did your parents have any children that lived?​

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?​

Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea.​

Do you want do die stupid?​

Do you want me to accept you as you are or do you want me to like you?​

Doesn't know the meaning of the word fear, but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words.​

Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!​

Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?​

Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.​

Don't mind him. He has a soft heart and a head to match.​

Don't thank me for insulting you. It was my pleasure.​

Don't think, it may sprain your brain!​

Don't you have a terribly empty feeling ---- in your skull?​

Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?​

Don't you need a license to be that ugly?​

Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another?​

Ever since I saw you in your family tree I've wanted to cut it down.​

Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege.​

Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.​

Excellent time to become a missing person.​

Fat? You're not fat, you're just ... fat.​

For two cents I'd give you a piece of my mind - and all of yours.​

Forgot to pay his brain bill.​

Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.​

Go fart peas at the moon !!​

Grasp your ears firmly and remove your head from your ass.​

Has reached rock bottom and shows signs of starting to dig.​

Has the IQ of lint.​

Have you considered suing your brains for nonsupport?​

He can open his mail with that nose!​

He can think without moving his lips!​

He comes from a long line of real estate people -- they're a vacant lot.​

He does the work of three men: Moe, Larry, and Curly.​

He doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt. --From "Steel Magnolias"​

He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning.​

He has a mind like a steel trap -- always closed!​

He has depth, but only on the surface. Down deep inside, he is shallow.​

He has more faces than Mount Rushmore.​

He has one brain cell, and it is fighting for dominance.​

He is always lost in thought -- it's unfamiliar territory.​

He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.​

He is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.​

He is living proof that man can live without a brain!​

He is so conceited his eyes behold each other perfectly.​

He is so short his hair smell like feet​

He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know.​

He is so old that his blood type was discontinued. ~ Bill Dana ~​

He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.​

He named the street he owned after his wife. What a grand statement of

his love for her; for she was cold, hard, cracked, and only gets plowed

around the holidays.​

He smells the coffee, but can't find the pot / a cup.​

He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.​

Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along.​

He'd steal the straw from his mother's kennel.​

Hello - tall, dark and obnoxious!​

Here's 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change!​

He's got that far away look. The farther he gets, the better he looks.​

He's just visiting this planet.​

He's not stupid; he's possessed by a geniused ghost.​

He's so dense that light bends around him.​

He's so fat, he has the only car in town with stretch marks.​

He's so short he can sit on a piece of toilet paper and dangle his feet.​

He's the first in his family born without a tail.​

He's the only man who, if told to screw himself, could do it.​

He's the reason brothers and sisters shouldn't marry.​

Hey, act your age -- senile!​

Hey, I heard you went to the butcher and asked for 10 cents worth of dog

meat and he asked you if you wanted it wrapped or if you would eat it on the spot.​

Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach.​

Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?​

His brain waves fall a little short of the beach.​

His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.​

His origins are so low, you'd have to limbo under his family tree.​

His personality's split so many ways he goes alone for group therapy.​

His suitcase doesn't have a handle.​

How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?​

How many years did it take you to learn how to breathe?​

I always wanted to be a troubleshooter but now I see you are not worth it!​

I believe in respect for the dead; in fact I could only respect you if you WERE dead.​

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.​

I bet your mother has a loud bark!​

I can tell you are lying. Your lips are moving.​

I can tie a coffee bean to my butt and swim across the Columbia River and make a darker stain than that (about weak coffee.)​

I can't seem to remember you name, and please don't help me!​

I can't talk to you right now; tell me, where will you be in ten years?​

I certainly hope you are sterile.​

I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?​

I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.​

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!​

I don't know who you are, but whatever it is, I'm sure everyone will agree with me.​

I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening.​

I don't think you are a fool. But then what's MY opinion against thousands of others?​

I don't want you to turn the other cheek. It's just as ugly.​

I feel sorry for you because you are so homely but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you.​

I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.​

I hear what you're saying but I just don't care.​

I hear you are an officer. Your rank is - just plain rank!​

I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club cause they need

someone to snub.​

I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of

handcuffs.​

I hear you are very kind to animals so please give that face back to the gorilla.​

I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper?​

I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?​

I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late!​

I heard that your brother was an only child.​

I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!​

I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.​

I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you.​

I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you to take the blame!​

I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!​

I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you.​

I like your approach, now let's see your departure.​

I reprimanded my son for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.​

I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.​

I understand you, but thousands wouldn't!​

I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.​

I want nothing out of you but breathing, and very little of that!​

I will defend to your death my right to my opinion.​

I wonder how many angels could dance on his head?​

I worship the ground that awaits you.​

I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.​

I would have liked to insult you, but with your intelligence you wouldn't

get offended.​

I would like the pleasure of your company but it only gives me displeasure.​

I wouldn't piss in his ear if his brain was on fire!​

I'd hate to see you go, but I'd love to watch you leave!​

I'd like to give you a going-away present ... but you have to do your part.​

I'd like to have the spitting concession his grave.​

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?​

I'd like to leave you with one thought ... but I'm not sure you have a place to put it!​

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my

head that far up my ass. (Thanks, llaje)​

I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.​

I'd rather pass a kidney stone than another night with you.​

I'd slap you senseless ... but I can't spare three seconds!​

If brains were rain, you`d be a desert.​

If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a

brain that had never been used.​

If I had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents!​

If I promise to miss you, will you go away?​

If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, I'm glad.​

If I want any shit outta you I'll squeeze your head.​

If I want your stupid opinion, I'll beat it out of you.​

If I wanted to hear from an ass, I'd fart.​

If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldn't say hello, I'd say boo!​