Favourite Movie Quotes

[Det.Wojciehowicz]

Animal House (1978)

Bluto: Christ. Seven years of college down the drain. Might as well join the f*cking Peace Corps.

Greg Marmalard: But Delta's already on probation.
Dean Vernon Wormer: They are? Well, as of this moment, they're on DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION!

Bluto: TOGA! TOGA!

Bluto: Hey! What's all this laying around shit?
Stork: What the hell are we supposed to do, ya moron?
D-Day: [to Bluto] War's over, man. Wormer dropped the big one.
Bluto: What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
Otter: [to Boon] Germans?
Boon: Forget it, he's rolling.
Bluto: And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough...
[thinks hard of something to say]
Bluto: The tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go!
[Bluto runs out, alone; then returns]
Bluto: What the f*ck happened to the Delta I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? This could be the greatest night of our lives, but you're gonna let it be the worst. "Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble." Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this. Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer...
Otter: Dead! Bluto's right. Psychotic... but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now we could do it with conventional weapons, but that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part!
Bluto: We're just the guys to do it.
D-Day: [stands up]
Boon: [stands up] Let's do it.
Bluto: [shouting] "Let's do it"!
[all of the Deltas stand up and run out with Bluto]

Dean Vernon Wormer: Mr. Kroger. Two C's, two D's, and an F. That's a 1.2 grade average. Congratulations, Kroger. You're at the top of the Delta pledge class. Mr. Dorfman.
Flounder: [drunk] Hellooooo.
Dean Vernon Wormer: 0.2... Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son. Mr. Hoover, president of Delta House. 1.6; four C's and an F. A fine example you set! Daniel Simpson Day... HAS no grade point average. All courses incomplete. Mr. Blu...
[sees Bluto with a pair of pencils in his nostrils]
Dean Vernon Wormer: Mr. Blutarsky... zero... point... zero.
[Bluto shrugs]

Marion Wormer: My name's Marion. They call me Mrs. Wormer.
Eric 'Otter' Stratton: Oh, we have a Dean Wormer at Faber.
Marion Wormer: What a coincidence. I have a husband named Dean Wormer at Faber. Still want to show me your cucumber?

Doug Neidermeyer: And most recently of all, a "Roman Toga Party" was held from which we have received more than two dozen reports of individual acts of perversion SO profound and disgusting that decorum prohibits listing them here.

Bluto: See if you can guess what I am now.
[puts a scoop of mashed potatoes in his mouth and hits his cheeks with his fists and spits it out]
Bluto: I'm a zit. Get it?

Boon: It's a fraternity party, I'm in the fraternity. How can I miss it?
Katy: I'll write you a note. I'll say you're too well to attend.

Clorette De Pasto: Dad! Mom, Dad, this is Larry Kroger. The boy who molested me last month. We have to get married.

D-Day: Ramming speed!

Katy: Boon, I think I'm in love with a genius.
Boon: Is he bigger than me?

Dean Vernon Wormer: Put Neidermeyer on it. He's a sneaky little shit just like you.

 

[Det.Wojciehowicz]

The Whoopee Boys (1986)

Humping: I'm Humping, the butler.
Barney: Oh, yeah? So who's f*cking the maid?

Barney: I wanted to thank y
ou for only giving me the clap. These days it's refreshing to meet a girl with curable diseases.

Roy Raja: My name is Roy Rahmataj.
Barney: Hey, mind if we call you Roy Raja? Haha!
Roy Raja: You may call me "Lion of Kashmir".
Barney: And you may call me "The Boner of East L.A."

Barney: Who's this? Your son?
Adm. Storey: No, he's... uhhh
Mrs. Storey: He is my nephew.
Barney: Ohhh, your nephew. He looks Iranian to me. You know my sister, Maria, she married an Iranian guy. And they are hairy son of a bitches. You know they got hair on their chest, their backs, their butts. We're talking Winnie the Pooh. We're talking Chewbacca, you know the guy in Star Wars who goes AHHHH! AHHHH!

Henrietta Phelps: Why don't we go around the room and introduce ourselve, and tell everyone why you came to the Phelps School?
Eddie Lipschultz: Hi! My name is Eddie, Eddie Lipschultz. I'm here because my mom's new boyfriend says I can't sleep in her bedroom anymore. I figured if I came to charm school, I might be able to... , there might be chance that I'd... , I could possibly...
Barney: [interrupting] Get laid?
Barney: [Eddie nods] I thought so.

Barney: [at a party Barney walks up to an older woman, holding a small white poodle. He makes sounds like a dog in pain] Awww, is that mean old lady squeezing your genitals?
Woman with Dogs: Oh! You dreadful man!
Woman with Dogs: [Slapping Barney's hand away] No! Please, stop abusing my dog, you horrible man!Barney: You have any Vietnamese neighbors?
Woman with Dogs: No, I don't think so.
Barney: Well, if any ever move in, and you go on vacation, believe me, you're going to want to take Fluffy with you! You'll come back and your dog will be missing it's hind leg, saying 'where were you?'
Woman with Dogs: Oh! That's horrible! You terrible, horrible man!
Barney: You go next door and talk to your neighbor, and he'll be standing there, picking his teeth, 'No! We no see Fluffy! What your dog look like? Your dog have big, juicy hind leg?'
Woman with Dogs: Oh, you awful man! Please, go away!

 

[Det.Wojciehowicz]

Bill Murray has made a lot of really great movies. IMO this is his best, based on the life of Hunter S Thompson.

Where The Buffalo Roam(1980)

[Thompson is speaking to a crowd of college students]
Questioner: I was just wondering if you could tell me, um, if you thought drugs and alcohol would make me a better writer.
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: That's a good question. Let me see...
[the audience cheers as Thompson lights a joint. A few people throw joints onto the stage]
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: In my case, you know, I hate to advocate drugs or liquor, violence, insanity to anyone. But in my case it's worked.

Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: Hi sir, it's Harris from the Post. Can I get you anything sir?
Candidate: How's the family Harris?
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: Oh the family, well that's bad news. The screwheads finally came and took my daughter away. Let me ask you a question sir, what is this country doing for the doomed? There are two kinds of people in this country, the doomed and the screwheads. Savage tribal thugs who live off their legal incomes, brow deep out there; no respect for human dignity. They don't know what you and I understand, you know what I mean.
Candidate: You ever play football, Harris?
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: Yes sir, thank you sir. I played in college, and they're gonna get your daughter too sir. I've heard their rallies, they like Julie but Tricia... and they really hate you sir. You know that one and a half of the State Senate of Utah are screwheads. You know I was never really frightened by the bopheads and the potheads with their silliness never really frightened me either, but these goddam screwheads, they terrify me. And the poor doomed, the young, and the silly, the honest, the weak, the Italians... they're doomed, they're lost, they're helpless, they're somebody else's meal, they're like pigs in the wilderness.
Candidate: Come here Harris, come here. F*ck the doomed!

Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: [into tape recorder] Forecast is for "bad craziness".

Lazlo: Like a lot of people thought I was dead but, uh... hey you know you don't write any postcards when you're on the road to self-discovery.

Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: Besides, I just got here and I haven't...
Marty Lewis: Wait! What do you mean you just got there?
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: Yeah. Right. Minutes ago.
Marty Lewis: You left on Tuesday. Today's Saturday.
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: That happened to you, too? That's weird. The same mix-up happened to me this morning!

Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: You couldn't invent someone like Carl Lazlo. He was a... he was one of a kind. He was a mutant. A real heavyweight water buffalo type... who could chew his way through a concrete wall and spit out the other side covered with lime and chalk and look good in doing it.

 

[horrie hastings]

”it’s alive, it’s alive, it’s alive! IT’S ALIVE!!! In the name of god! Now I know what it feels like to BE god!!!” -

Frankenstein 1931.

 

[Det.Wojciehowicz]

My Cousin Vinny (1992)

Vinny Gambini: It is possible that the two yutes...
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Ah, the two what? Uh... uh, what was that word?
Vinny Gambini: Uh... what word?
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Two what?
Vinny Gambini: What?
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Uh... did you say "yutes"?
Vinny Gambini: Yeah, two yutes.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: What is a yute?
Vinny Gambini: [beating] Oh, excuse me, your honor...
Vinny Gambini: [in an exaggerated manner] Two *youths*.

Jim Trotter III: Now, uh, Ms. Vito, being an expert on general automotive knowledge, can you tell me... what would the correct ignition timing be on a 1955 Bel Air Chevrolet, with a 327 cubic-inch engine and a four-barrel carburetor?
Mona Lisa Vito: It's a bullshit question.
Jim Trotter III: Does that mean that you can't answer it?
Mona Lisa Vito: It's a bullshit question, it's impossible to answer.
Jim Trotter III: Impossible because you don't know the answer!
Mona Lisa Vito: Nobody could answer that question!
Jim Trotter III: Your Honor, I move to disqualify Ms. Vito as a "expert witness"!
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Can you answer the question?
Mona Lisa Vito: No, it is a trick question!
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Why is it a trick question?
Vinny Gambini: [to Bill] Watch this.
Mona Lisa Vito: 'Cause Chevy didn't make a 327 in '55, the 327 didn't come out till '62. And it wasn't offered in the Bel Air with a four-barrel carb till '64. However, in 1964, the correct ignition timing would be four degrees before top-dead-center.
Jim Trotter III: Well... um... she's acceptable, Your Honor.

inny Gambini: Is it possible the two defendants entered the store, picked 22 specific items off of the shelves, had the clerk take money, make change, then leave. Then two different men drive up in a similar -
[Seeing Mr. Tipton shake his head no]
Vinny Gambini: Don't shake your head, I'm not done yet. Wait till you hear the whole thing, so you can understand this, now. Two different men drive up in a similar-looking car, go in, shoot the clerk, rob him, and then leave?
Mr. Tipton: No. They didn't have enough time.
Vinny Gambini: Well, how much time was they in the store?
Mr. Tipton: Five minutes.
Vinny Gambini: Five minutes? Are you sure? Did you look at your watch?
Mr. Tipton: No.
Vinny Gambini: Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. You testified earlier that the boys went into the store, and you had just begun to make breakfast. You were just ready to eat, and you heard a gunshot. That's right, I'm sorry. So, obviously, it takes you five minutes to make breakfast.
Mr. Tipton: That's right.
Vinny Gambini: Right, so you knew that. Uh, do you remember what you had?
Mr. Tipton: Eggs and grits.
Vinny Gambini: Eggs and grits. I like grits, too. How do you cook your grits? Do you like them regular, creamy or al dente?
Mr. Tipton: Just regular, I guess.
Vinny Gambini: Regular. Instant grits?
Mr. Tipton: No self-respectin' Southerner uses instant grits. I take pride in my grits.
Vinny Gambini: So, Mr. Tipton, how could it take you five minutes to cook your grits, when it takes the entire grit-eating world twenty minutes?
Mr. Tipton: [a bit panicky] I don't know. I'm a fast cook, I guess.
Vinny Gambini: I'm sorry, I was all the way over here. I couldn't hear you. Did you say you were a fast cook? That's it?
[Mr. Tipton nods in embarrassment]
Vinny Gambini: Are we to believe that boiling water soaks into a grit faster in your kitchen than on any place on the face of the earth?
Mr. Tipton: I don't know.
Vinny Gambini: Well, perhaps the laws of physics cease to exist on your stove. Were these magic grits? I mean, did you buy them from the same guy who sold Jack his beanstalk beans?

Mona Lisa Vito: The car that made these two, equal-length tire marks had positraction. You can't make those marks without positraction, which was not available on the '64 Buick Skylark!
Vinny Gambini: And why not? What is positraction?
Mona Lisa Vito: It's a limited slip differential which distributes power equally to both the right and left tires. The '64 Skylark had a regular differential, which, anyone who's been stuck in the mud in Alabama knows, you step on the gas, one tire spins, the other tire does nothing.
Juror #1: That's right.
Vinny Gambini: Is that it?
Mona Lisa Vito: No, there's more! You see? When the left tire mark goes up on the curb and the right tire mark stays flat and even? Well, the '64 Skylark had a solid rear axle, so when the left tire would go up on the curb, the right tire would tilt out and ride along its edge. But that didn't happen here. The tire mark stayed flat and even. This car had an independent rear suspension. Now, in the '60s, there were only two other cars made in America that had positraction, and independent rear suspension, and enough power to make these marks. One was the Corvette, which could never be confused with the Buick Skylark. The other had the same body length, height, width, weight, wheel base, and wheel track as the '64 Skylark, and that was the 1963 Pontiac Tempest.
Vinny Gambini: And because both cars were made by GM, were both cars available in metallic mint green paint?
Mona Lisa Vito: They were!
Vinny Gambini: Thank you, Ms. Vito. No more questions. Thank you very, very much.
[kissing her hands]
Vinny Gambini: You've been a lovely, lovely witness.

Vinny Gambini: [to the jury] Hey, how ya doin'?
Vinny Gambini: [to the witness] Mr. Crane, what are these pictures of?
Ernie Crane: My house and stuff.
Vinny Gambini: House and stuff. And what is this brown stuff on your window?
Ernie Crane: Dirt.
Vinny Gambini: Dirt. And what is this rusty, dusty, dirty-looking thing that's covering your window?
Ernie Crane: That's a screen.
Vinny Gambini: A screen! It's a screen. And what are these really big things that are right in the middle of your view of the Sac-o-Suds and your kitchen window, what do we call these big things?
Ernie Crane: Trees?
Vinny Gambini: Trees, that's right. Don't be afraid, just shout 'em right out when you know 'em. And what are these thousands of little things that are on trees?
Ernie Crane: Leaves.
Vinny Gambini: And these big bushy things between the trees.
Ernie Crane: Bushes.
Vinny Gambini: Bushes. So, Mr. Crane, you can positively identify the defendants, for a moment of two seconds, looking through this dirty window, this crud-covered screen, all of these trees, with all of these leaves on them, and I don't know how many bushes.
Ernie Crane: Looks like five.
Vinny Gambini: Uh, uh, uh, don't forget this one and this one.
Ernie Crane: Seven bushes!
Vinny Gambini: Seven bushes. So, what do you think? Isn't it possible you just saw two guys in a green convertible and not necessarily these two particular guys?
Ernie Crane: I suppose.
Vinny Gambini: I'm finished with this guy.

Mona Lisa Vito: [Vinny looks at her funny] What?
Vinny Gambini: Nothing. You stick out like a sore thumb around here.
Mona Lisa Vito: Me? What about you?
Vinny Gambini: I fit in better than you. At least I'm wearing cowboy boots.
Mona Lisa Vito: Oh yeah, you blend.

Mona Lisa Vito: [Vinny looks at her funny] What?
Vinny Gambini: Nothing. You stick out like a sore thumb around here.
Mona Lisa Vito: Me? What about you?
Vinny Gambini: I fit in better than you. At least I'm wearing cowboy boots.
Mona Lisa Vito: Oh yeah, you blend.

 

[horrie hastings]

The Frankenstein monster in Bride Of Frankenstein.

Yes, go, you live, go
You stay, we belong dead.

 

[Det.Wojciehowicz]

Tremors (1990)

Earl Bassett: Damn it, listen to me. I'm older and wiser.
Valentine McKee: Yeah, well you're half right.

Valentine McKee: Roger that Burt, and congratulations. Be advised, however, that there are two more, repeat, two more motherhumpers.

Earl Bassett: Is this a job for an intelligent man?
Valentine McKee: Well, show me one and I'll ask him.

Earl Bassett: I vote for outer space. No way these are local boys.

Burt Gummer: Broke into the wrong goddamn rec room, didn't ya you bastard!

Earl Bassett: Run for it? Running's not a plan! Running's what you do once a plan fails!

Earl Bassett: Hey, Rhonda you ever seen anything like this before?
Valentine McKee: Oh, sure Earl. Everyone knows about them, we just didn't tell you!

Earl Bassett: What kind of fuse is that?
Burt Gummer: Cannon fuse.
Earl Bassett: What the hell do you use it for?
Burt Gummer: My cannon.

Valentine McKee: Yeah, well, I'm a victim of circumstance.
Earl Bassett: I thought you called it your pecker.

Valentine McKee: What the hell's in those things, Burt?
Burt Gummer: A few household chemicals in the proper proportions.

Valentine McKee: I can't believe we said no to free beer!

Valentine McKee: [to Earl] Who died and made you Einstein?

Earl Bassett: We gotta run. We've got a schedule to keep.
Valentine McKee: Yeah. See, we plan ahead, that way we don't do anything right now. Earl explained it to me.

Walter Chang: That's what I like... Graboids. That's it, Graboids!
Earl Bassett: Jesus, Walter.
Walter Chang: You're gonna be sorry if you don't give it a name.

Earl Bassett: Pardon my French!

 

[Det.Wojciehowicz]

A Night At The Opera (1935)

Otis B. Driftwood: It's all right, that's in every contract. That's what they call a sanity clause.
[Fiorello laughs loudly]
Fiorello: You can't fool me! There ain't no Sanity Claus!

Otis B. Driftwood: Listen, Gottlieb, nix on the love making. Because, I saw Mrs. Claypool first. Of course, her mother really saw her first; but, there's no point in bringing the Civil War into this.

Henderson: You live here all alone?
Otis B. Driftwood: Yes. Just me and my memories. I'm practically a hermit.
Henderson: Oh. A hermit. I notice the table's set for four.
Otis B. Driftwood: That's nothing - my alarm clock is set for eight. That doesn't prove a thing.

[Driftwood opens a drawer in his trunk to find Tomasso sleeping]
Otis B. Driftwood: That can't be my shirt, my shirt doesn't snore.
Fiorello: Shh! Don't wake him up. He's got insomnia, he's trying to sleep it off.

[Fiorello and Driftwood go over the first clause of their contract]
Otis B. Driftwood: Now pay particular attention to this first clause because it's most important. It says the, uh..."The party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part." How do you like that? That's pretty neat, eh?
Fiorello: No, that's no good.
Otis B. Driftwood: What's the matter with it?
Fiorello: I dunno. Let's hear it again.
Otis B. Driftwood: It says the, uh..."The party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part."
Fiorello: That sounds a little better this time.
Otis B. Driftwood: Well, it grows on you. Would you like to hear it once more?
Fiorello: Er... just the first part.
Otis B. Driftwood: What do you mean? The... the party of the first part?
Fiorello: No, the first part of the party of the first part.
Otis B. Driftwood: All right. It says the, uh, "The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract..." look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?

Otis B. Driftwood: Ladies and gentlemen... I guess that takes in most of you...

Fiorello: [Disguised as one of the world's greatest aviators] So now I tell you how we fly to America. The first time we started we got-a half way there when we run out a gasoline, and we gotta go back. Then I take-a twice as much gasoline. This time we're just about to land, maybe three feet, when what do you think: we run out of gasoline again. And-a back-a we go again to get-a more gas. This time I take-a plenty gas. Well, we get-a half way over, when what do you think happens: we forgot-a the airplane. So, we gotta sit down and we talk it over. Then I get-a the great idea. We no take-a gasoline, we no take-a the airplane. We take steamship, and that, friends, is how we fly across the ocean.

Otis B. Driftwood: You're willing to pay him a thousand dollars a night just for singing? Why, you can get a phonograph record of Minnie the Moocher for 75 cents. And for a buck and a quarter, you can get Minnie.

Otis B. Driftwood: You know the old saying. Two's company, five's a crowd.

 

[Det.Wojciehowicz]

A Day At The Races (1937)

Dr. Hackenbush: Hey, don't drink that poison! That's $4.00 an ounce!

Dr. Hackenbush: Oh, well, uh, to begin with I took four years at Vassar.
Mrs. Upjohn: Vassar? But that's a girls' college.
Dr. Hackenbush: I found that out the third year. I'd 've been there yet, but I went out for the swimming team.

Dr. Hackenbush: You know, I proposed to your mother once.
Judy: But that's my father!
Dr. Hackenbush: No wonder he turned me down.

Dr. Hackenbush: Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Flo: I want to be near you. I want you to hold me. Oh! Hold me closer! Closer! Closer!
Dr. Hackenbush: If I hold you any closer, I'll be in back of you!

Whitmore: Just a minute, Mrs Upjohn. That looks like a horse pill to me.
Dr. Hackenbush: Oh, you've taken them before.
Mrs. Upjohn: Are you sure, Doctor, you haven't made a mistake?
Dr. Hackenbush: You have nothing to worry about. The last patient I gave one of those to won the Kentucky Derby.
Whitmore: May I examine this, please? Do you actually give those to your patients? Isn't it awfully large for a pill?
Dr. Hackenbush: Well, it was too small for a basketball, and I didn't know what to do with it. Say, you're awfully large for a pill yourself.

Tony: Hey Doc! Doc, I'm tell you a secret - she's out to get you.
Flo: Why, I've never been so insulted in my life.
Dr. Hackenbush: Well, it's early yet.

Tony: One dollar and you'll remember me all your life.
Dr. Hackenbush: That's the most nauseating proposition I ever had.

Tony: I think he's a ubangi.
Dr. Hackenbush: Well, I'll get a hammer and "ubangi" that right off.

Dr. Hackenbush: I'm too busy right now. I'll tell you what. I'll put the 'O' on now and come back later for the 'K.'

Dr. Hackenbush: [examining Stuffy with an auriscope] I haven't seen anything like this in years. The last time I saw a head like that was in a bottle of formaldehyde.
Tony: Told you he was sick.
Dr. Hackenbush: [pointing to Stuffy's neck] That's all pure desecration along there. He's got about a 15% metabolism, with an overactive thyroid and a glandular affectation of about 3%.
Tony: That's bad.
Dr. Hackenbush: With a 1% mentality.
[Stuffy grins]
Dr. Hackenbush: He's what we designate as the crummy moronic type. All in all, this is the most gruesome looking piece of blubber I've ever peered at.
Tony: Hey doc. Hey doc!
Dr. Hackenbush: Huh?
Tony: You gotta the looking glass turned around, you're looking at yourself.

Tony: Well, justa by accident I think I gotta one right here.
Dr. Hackenbush: A lotta accidents around here for a quiet neighborhood.

Nurse: Doctor, the Turkish Bath.
[Hands him the phone]
Dr. Hackenbush: Hello. Yes, will you look in the steam room and see if my frankfurters are done?

Dr. Hackenbush: [to Stuffy] Take her pulse. Take her pulse!
Mrs. Upjohn: [Stuffy takes Mrs. Upjohn's purse] Oh, no-no-no! My purse! My purse! My purse! He has my purse!
Dr. Hackenbush: You must forgive him, he doesn't spell very well, Mrs. Upjohn.

Tony: Hey, boss! C'mere! Sun-Up is the worst horse on the track!
Dr. Hackenbush: I notice he wins all the time.
Tony: Aw, just because he comes in first.
Dr. Hackenbush: Well, I don't want 'em any better than first.

 

[Det.Wojciehowicz]

Runaway Train (1985)

Sara: [tearfully] You're an animal!
Manny: No, worse! Human. Human!

Sara: Boy, I guess you guys picked the wrong train

Rankin: You're as afraid to die as anybody else, and I never let you free. You hear me?
Manny: I am free, Rankin. I am free.

Rankin: Let me tell you where you assholes stand. First there's God, then the warden, then my guards, then the dogs out there in the kennel, and finally, you. Pieces of human waste. No good to yourselves or anybody else

Manny: You do what you have to do, I'll do what I have to do. Whatever happens, happens.

Manny: Win, lose, what's the difference?

Rankin: Push the button. We're on a dead-end siding. We're gonna crash in five minutes.
Oscar "Manny" Manheim: Then we'll have a nice, five-minute ride together.
Rankin: You think you're a hero, huh? Shit. You're scum.
Oscar "Manny" Manheim: We're both scum, brother.

Oscar "Manny" Manheim: I'm at war with the world and everybody in it.

Buck: [in the sewer] It stinks in here, man.
Manny: You don't like that smell? That's the smell of freedom, brother.

Buck: I don't believe this shit. We get out of a maximum security prison, wind up on an unmanned train with this bitch and bad news.
Sara: You guys bust out of Stonehaven?
Manny: Yeah, so what?
Buck: Man, why'd you tell her that?
Manny: You told her, clown.

 

[Det.Wojciehowicz]

The Frisco Kid (1979)

Tommy: You sure talk funny. Where you born at?
Avram: Poland.
Tommy: Oh. Is that near Pittsburgh?
Avram: No, that's near Czechoslovakia.

Tommy: What do you call this in Jewish?
[Points to his horse's rump]
Avram: A - a tokhes!
Tommy: Well, you keep your eyes on this too-kus - and don't take 'em off till I tell you.
Avram: Keep my eyes on the tokhes.

Avram: [to Matt Diggs] This is a very big country. I'll tell you what I think is the best thing. I'll take San Francisco; you take the rest of America. And if you ever come back to this place again, I don't think you're gonna get off so easy.
[He hands back Matt's gun]
Avram: Now, get the hell out of here. Would somebody please show this poor asshole the way out of town?

[Tommy and Avram are being chased, but Avram won't ride on the sabbath]
Tommy: You give me the pee-doodles! There ain't no Jews in that posse, you know!

Chief Gray Cloud: [in reference to Avram's god] What does he do?
Avram: He... He can do anything!
Chief Gray Cloud: Then why can't he make rain?
Avram: Because he doesn't make rain. He gives us strength when we're suffering. He gives us compassion when all that we feel is hatred. He gives us courage when we're searching around blindly like little mice in the darkness... but He does not make rain!
[Thunder and lightning begin, followed by a downpour]
Avram: Of course... sometimes, just like that, he'll change His mind.

Tommy: They'll hang you!
Avram: And what if I give back the money?
Tommy: You mean your half!
Avram: Yes, I mean my half.
Tommy: Well, first they'll string you up by your balls, until you tell them where the other half is; then they'll hang you!

 

[horrie hastings]

From The Seven Faces of Doctor Lao


Apollonius of Tyana: Tomorrow will be like today, and the day after tomorrow will be like the day before yesterday. I see your remaining days as a tedious collection of hours full of useless vanities. You will think no new thoughts. You will forget what little you have known. Older you will become, but not wiser. Stiffer, but not more dignified. Childless you are, and childless you will remain. Of that suppleness you once commanded in your youth, of that strange simplicity which once attracted men to you, neither endures, nor shall you recapture them.

Mrs. Cassin: You're a mean, ugly man!

Apollonius of Tyana: Mirrors are often ugly and mean. When you die, you will be buried and forgotten, and that is all. And for all the good or evil, creation or destruction, your living might have accomplished, you might just as well never have lived at all. I'm sorry, but, you see, it is my curse to tell the absolute truth.

 

[Det.Wojciehowicz]

Awesome stuff Horrie. You beat me to it!

 

[Det.Wojciehowicz]

One of my favourite 80s movies as well as favourite soundtracks

Tuff Turf (1985)

Page Hiller: Your bike is in pieces and you tell me nothing happened? Did you at least find out if they have any insurance?
Morgan Hiller: Insurance? This isn't Connecticut; no one has insurance around here!

Stuart Hiller: Can you fix it?
Morgan Hiller: Yeah, as soon as I learn how to walk on water, I'll get right on it, Dad.

Brian Hiller: If you leave this house, I'll have you picked up within 24 hours.
Morgan Hiller: Great, I could use all the help I can get tonight.

Frankie Croyden: Hey, everybody's staring at me.
Morgan Hiller: Yes, they are. Well, what's happening now is, you see; the girls are wondering where they've seen you before and the guys are wondering why the hell they haven't.

Mickey: Rain from heaven, Maricon!

Jimmy Parker: Too bad they took your car, man.
Morgan Hiller: I don't own a car, man.

Mickey: How much longer are we gonna be doing this, man? I'm about to pee in my pants.
Eddie: So shoot it out the window, man. Christ, just use your head.
Mickey: Not a bad idea. Good news, America. Coming through. Hey, it's chilly out here.

Nick Hauser: I should just ice your ass right now.
Morgan Hiller: Yeah?
Nick Hauser: Yeah.
Morgan Hiller: Why? Because I danced with one of your boyfriends?

Ronnie: Wow! Check out that lawn! It's a block-long of perfect green!
Morgan Hiller: It's a golf course, Ron.

Stuart Hiller: Go easy on him tonight, Page. This means a lot to him.
Page Hiller: Mm-hmm. So did that girl he brought home for Easter last year. Remember? She was so stoned, all she could do was look at the peas and say, 'Wow, they're so green!'

Security Guard: There's no bike-riding on campus.
Morgan Hiller: I was sort of hoping I could take a quick ride through history.

 

[Det.Wojciehowicz]

An often overlooked but truly excellent 80s comedy My Chauffeur (1986) starring Flash Gordon (Sam J Jones) and Julie from Valley Girl (Deborah Foreman) plus guest appearances from Penn and Teller

O'Brien: Damn it, man, what are you so hot and bothered about? Afraid she'll open her jacket and flash her titties at you? You couldn't handle that, could you?
Jenkins: I've seen enough titties in my time.
Moses: I haven't.
Fourth Chauffeur: Been a hundred years since I seen a good titty.
Moses: No such thing as a bad titty.
Jenkins: Goddamn it. There now. That's my point. The little bimbo hasn't been here an hour and all you hormone graveyards can talk about is nipples.
Moses: Didn't mention nipples.
Fourth Chauffeur: We was speaking of the titty as a whole.

Casey: They send me out last. You get me, you've hit bottom. I'm the last cookie in the jar.

Catfight: Jesus jumpin' Christ. Look.
Bimbo: What?
Catfight: A blue woman with a blue dog.
Beebop: No.
Catfight: Yes.
Boom Boom: She ain't blue.
Catfight: Her hair's blue.
Beebop: That counts.
Catfight: Dog's blue.
Bimbo: That's 20,000 points.
Boom Boom: Gotta get her underwear.
Catfight: I'll get 'em.

Catfight: All I got to do now is find a one-legged nun walking a goat and I win.

McBride: A woman says you and your friends tried to rape her... and her dog.
Casey: She was worth 20,000 points.

McBride: You're running a goddamned whorehouse on wheels, woman. I can't have that.

Casey: [to Abdul] Your Excellency, do you want to wait for your bodyguard?
Bone: What do you mean? What do I look like? His manicurist? I'M his bodyguard! I'm his American bodyguard. Yeah, he's got a whole bunch of bodyguards out there. Those towlheads out there are his Arabian bodyguards. They protect him from sandstorms comming up in his face, and camel farts which make him nervous. I protect him from... from those guys because there was an artical in Scentific American that these Iranian guys get the sun beatin' on their heads. They come out of the sun and they go ape shit... and kill their superiors, their generals and stuff. I'm here to protect him from them.
Casey: Is that all right, your Excellency?
Bone: Of course it's all right! I'm his bodyguard. I'm Bone and this is... what's your name?
[Abdul does not respond]
Bone: Fine. Let's call him Abdul. Let's just drive. Lady, just drive

Bone: Okay ladies, it's time for the GRATUITOUS NUDITY! You supply the nudity, and we supply the gratuity.

McBride: You're deluded.
Casey: [gasps] I've never had a 'lude in my life.

 

[Det.Wojciehowicz]

Definitely the best of the TCM movies -
Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)

Drayton: No secret, it's the meat. Don't skimp on the meat. I've got a real good eye for prime meat. Runs in the family.

Drayton: [to Leatherface] You have one choice, boy: sex or the saw. Sex is, well... nobody knows. But the saw... the saw is family.

Chop Top: NAM FLASHBACK!

Lefty: I'm the Lord of the Harvest!
Drayton: What's that? Some new health food bunch?

Chop Top: Lick my plate, you dog dick!

Chop Top: Dog will hunt. Get that bitch, Leatherface. Get that bitch!
[laughs]
Chop Top: Dog will hunt.

Chop Top: Peel that pig and slice him thick.

Drayton: I wouldn't wish this rotten life off on a one-eyed ferret with mange.

Drayton: The small bussinessman... always, always, always gets it in the ass.

Drayton: You coonshits, you fudge packers, you'll be the death of me yet!

Drayton: [Hiding under the dinner table while Leatherface and Lefty fight] Maybe it's just time to just shut down. Time to shut down the show, yeah. Yeah, pull the plug. Come here, Nubbins!
[Pulls the preserved corpse of the hitchhiker from the original film under the table and searches him]
Drayton: Where... Where's that f*ck you Charlie?

Drayton: It's a dog eat dog world and from where I sit there just ain't enough damn dogs!

[When swinging for Stretch, Leatherface hits Chop Top on his head with the chainsaw by accident, exposing his metal place cover]
Chop Top: Her, not me you dumbass! Leatherface, you bitch! Look what you did to my Sonny Bono wig do... oh, goddamn I can't believe it! You gonna have to buy me a new plate cover! You gonna have to buy me a new plate cover, Leatherface! Oh... I'm gonna have to go back to the VA hospital to get me a new plate cover!

Drayton: [after Stretch runs right past the Sawyers] Some kinda crazy booger just skits through here!

Chop Top: [chanting while blasting a fire extinguisher] 'Nam Land! Napalm! Fire in the hole

Drayton: I thought you took care of her already.
Chop Top: Yeah well, Leatherface killed her once already, but LOOK! She's Red-faced. Oh, Bubba's been playing with her, Bubba likes her. Bubba's got a girlfriend!

Drayton: A man builds a good sturdy trade by hookin' and crookin' and then
[removes pin from grenade]
Drayton: Ka plooey! The Gods just kick him right in the balls. Ah no! Not this time...

 

[Det.Wojciehowicz]

Some truly iconic quotes in this one

Cool Hand Luke (1967)

Captain: What we've got here is... failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach. So you get what we had here last week, which is the way he wants it... well, he gets it. I don't like it any more than you men.

Dragline: Nothin'! A handful of nothin'. You stupid mullet head, he beat you with nothin', just like today when he kept comin' back at me, with nothin'.
Luke: Yeah, well... sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.

Dragline: He was smiling... That's right. You know, that, that Luke smile of his. He had it on his face right to the very end. Hell, if they didn't know it 'fore, they could tell right then that they weren't a-gonna beat him. That old Luke smile. Oh, Luke. He was some boy. Cool Hand Luke. Hell, he's a natural-born world-shaker.

Boss: Sorry, Luke. I'm just doing my job. You gotta appreciate that.
Luke: Nah - calling it your job don't make it right, Boss.

The Girl: [Washing her car with the radio on loud to get the prisoners' attention]
Dragline: Hey, Lord... whatever I done, don't strike me blind for another couple of minutes.

Dragline: Why you got to go and say fifty eggs for? Why not thirty-five or thirty-nine?
Luke: I thought it was a nice round number.

Dog Boy: Well, lookie here. I knew they'd get you. Them chains and a bonus of a couple of years... Your running days are over forever, boy. Hell, I'd like to see you try to run again. You know, you getting so you smell so bad I can track you myself.
Luke: Yeah, well, that ought to be easy for a genuine son of a bitch.

Luke: Let him go. Bam, Bam.
Dragline: Knock it off, Luke. You can't talk about Him that way.
Luke: Are you still believin' in that big bearded Boss up there? You think he's watchin' us?
Dragline: Get in here. Ain't ya scared? Ain't ya scared of dyin'?
Luke: Dyin'? Boy, he can have this little life any time he wants to. Do ya hear that? Are ya hearin' it? Come on. You're welcome to it, ol' timer. Let me know you're up there. Come on. Love me, hate me, kill me, anything. Just let me know it.
[He looks around]
Luke: I'm just standin' in the rain talkin' to myself.

[Why he was cutting the heads off parking meters]
Luke: Small town, not much to do in the evenin'.

Boss Paul: That ditch is Boss Kean's ditch. And I told him that dirt in it's your dirt. What's your dirt doin' in his ditch?
Luke: I don't know, Boss.
Boss Paul: You better get in there and get it out, boy.

Captain: Now, I can be a good guy, or I can be one real mean sum-bitch

Captain: You can have the easy way, Luke... Or you can have it the hard way, boy. It's all up to you.

 

[Det.Wojciehowicz]

One of the alltime great Westerns. As good as the best Spaghetti Westerns or the finest John Wayne Westerns.

Shane (1953)

Shane: I gotta be going on.
Joey: Why, Shane?
Shane: A man has to be what he is, Joey. Can't break the mould. I tried it and it didn't work for me.
Joey: We want you, Shane.
Shane: Joey, there's no living with... with a killing. There's no going back from one. Right or wrong, it's a brand. A brand sticks. There's no going back. Now you run on home to your mother, and tell her... tell her everything's all right. And there aren't any more guns in the valley.
Joey: Shane...
[Joey notices that Shane is wounded]
Joey: It's bloody! You're hurt!
Shane: [Shane starts to stroke Joey's hair] I'm all right, Joey. You go home to your mother and father and grow up to be strong and straight. And, Joey... take care of them, both of them.
Joey: Yes, Shane.
[Shane rides off]

Marian Starrett: Guns aren't going to be my boy's life!
Joey: Why do you always have to spoil everything?
Shane: A gun is a tool, Marian; no better or no worse than any other tool: an axe, a shovel or anything. A gun is as good or as bad as the man using it. Remember that.
Marian Starrett: We'd all be much better off if there wasn't a single gun left in this valley - including yours.

Joey: Shane. Shane! Come back! Bye, Shane.

Shane: So you're Jack Wilson.
Jack Wilson: What's that mean to you, Shane?
Shane: I've heard about you.
Jack Wilson: What have you heard, Shane?
Shane: I've heard that you're a low-down Yankee liar.
Jack Wilson: Prove it.

Rufus Ryker: I like Starrett, too. I'll kill him if I have to. I tell you, I'll kill him if I have to.
Jack Wilson: You mean I'll kill him if you have to.

Shane: I came to get your offer, Ryker.
Rufus Ryker: I'm not dealing with you. Where's Starrett?
Shane: You're dealing with me, Ryker.
Rufus Ryker: I got no quarrel with you, Shane. You walk out now and no hard feelings.
Shane: What's your offer, Ryker?
Rufus Ryker: To you, not a thing!
Shane: That's too bad.
Rufus Ryker: Too bad?
Shane: Yeah, you've lived too long. Your kind of days are over.
Rufus Ryker: My days! What about yours, gunfighter?
Shane: The difference is I know it.
Rufus Ryker: All right. So we'll all turn in our six-guns to the bartender. We'll all start hoeing spuds. Is that it?
Shane: Not quite yet.

Shane: Do you mind putting down that gun? Then I'll leave.
Joe Starrett: What difference does it make, you're leaving anyway?
Shane: I'd like it to be my idea.

Shane: I like working for Starrett.
Rufus Ryker: Whatever he's payin', I'll double.
Shane: It's no use.
Rufus Ryker: What are you lookin' for?
Shane: Nothin'.
Rufus Ryker: Pretty wife, Starrett's got.
Shane: Why, you dirty, stinkin' old man!
Rufus Ryker: People don't usually talk to me that way!
Shane: I'm talkin' to you that way!

Marian Starrett: You were through with gun-fighting?
Shane: I changed my mind.
Marian Starrett: [softly] Are you doing this just for me?
Shane: For you, Marian... for Joe, and little Joe.
Marian Starrett: Then we'll never see you again?
Shane: Never's a long time, Marian.
[looks at Joe, who he knocked out]
Marian Starrett: Tell him... tell him I was sorry.
Shane: No need to tell him that.

Shane: You were watchin' me down it for quite a spell, weren't you?
Joey: Yes I was.
Shane: You know, I... I like a man who watches things go on around. It means he'll make his mark someday.

Joey: Was that him? Was that Wilson?
Shane: That was him. That was Wilson, all right, and he was fast, fast on the draw.

Joey: Could you whip him, Pa? Could you whip Shane?
Joe Starrett: Don't you ask nothin' but questions?
Joey: But could you?
Joe Starrett: Ooh, maybe. But there's no call for that, Joey. Shane's on our side.

Joe Starrett: I'm not belittlin' what you and the others did. At the same time, you didn't find this country. There was trappers here and Indian traders long before you showed up and they tamed this country more than you did.
Rufus Ryker: They weren't ranchers.
Joe Starrett: You talk about rights. You think you've got the right to say that nobody else has got any. Well, that ain't the way the government looks at it.Look
Rufus Ryker: I didn't come to argue. I made you a fair proposition.
Joe Starrett: What about the others?
Rufus Ryker: Shane already knows he can work for me anytime.
Joe Starrett: The other homesteaders.
Rufus Ryker: Look, be reasonable! After all, there's just so many hands in a deck of cards.
Joe Starrett: Then I've got to say no.
Rufus Ryker: You don't give a man much choice do you, Starrett?

Joe Starrett: I wouldn't ask you where you're bound.
Shane: One place or another. Someplace I've never been.

Joe Starrett: My place ain't very much yet; but, I'll tell you one thing, my wife sure can cook

Joe Starrett: If this don't beat all. My name is Starrett, Joe Starrett, and, um, this here is Joey. You heard what my little woman said. Come on in, please. I-I feel like eatin'.
Shane: Call me Shane.

Sam Grafton: Anything else I can do you for?
Shane: Got any soda pop?
Sam Grafton: [with rueful look] I sure do. Wish more men around here would drink it. In my bar, in