Favourite Movie Quotes

[Det.Wojciehowicz]

Animal House (1978)

Bluto: Christ. Seven years of college down the drain. Might as well join the f*cking Peace Corps.

Greg Marmalard: But Delta's already on probation.
Dean Vernon Wormer: They are? Well, as of this moment, they're on DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION!

Bluto: TOGA! TOGA!

Bluto: Hey! What's all this laying around shit?
Stork: What the hell are we supposed to do, ya moron?
D-Day: [to Bluto] War's over, man. Wormer dropped the big one.
Bluto: What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
Otter: [to Boon] Germans?
Boon: Forget it, he's rolling.
Bluto: And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough...
[thinks hard of something to say]
Bluto: The tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go!
[Bluto runs out, alone; then returns]
Bluto: What the f*ck happened to the Delta I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? This could be the greatest night of our lives, but you're gonna let it be the worst. "Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble." Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this. Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer...
Otter: Dead! Bluto's right. Psychotic... but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now we could do it with conventional weapons, but that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part!
Bluto: We're just the guys to do it.
D-Day: [stands up]
Boon: [stands up] Let's do it.
Bluto: [shouting] "Let's do it"!
[all of the Deltas stand up and run out with Bluto]

Dean Vernon Wormer: Mr. Kroger. Two C's, two D's, and an F. That's a 1.2 grade average. Congratulations, Kroger. You're at the top of the Delta pledge class. Mr. Dorfman.
Flounder: [drunk] Hellooooo.
Dean Vernon Wormer: 0.2... Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son. Mr. Hoover, president of Delta House. 1.6; four C's and an F. A fine example you set! Daniel Simpson Day... HAS no grade point average. All courses incomplete. Mr. Blu...
[sees Bluto with a pair of pencils in his nostrils]
Dean Vernon Wormer: Mr. Blutarsky... zero... point... zero.
[Bluto shrugs]

Marion Wormer: My name's Marion. They call me Mrs. Wormer.
Eric 'Otter' Stratton: Oh, we have a Dean Wormer at Faber.
Marion Wormer: What a coincidence. I have a husband named Dean Wormer at Faber. Still want to show me your cucumber?

Doug Neidermeyer: And most recently of all, a "Roman Toga Party" was held from which we have received more than two dozen reports of individual acts of perversion SO profound and disgusting that decorum prohibits listing them here.

Bluto: See if you can guess what I am now.
[puts a scoop of mashed potatoes in his mouth and hits his cheeks with his fists and spits it out]
Bluto: I'm a zit. Get it?

Boon: It's a fraternity party, I'm in the fraternity. How can I miss it?
Katy: I'll write you a note. I'll say you're too well to attend.

Clorette De Pasto: Dad! Mom, Dad, this is Larry Kroger. The boy who molested me last month. We have to get married.

D-Day: Ramming speed!

Katy: Boon, I think I'm in love with a genius.
Boon: Is he bigger than me?

Dean Vernon Wormer: Put Neidermeyer on it. He's a sneaky little shit just like you.

 

[Det.Wojciehowicz]

The Whoopee Boys (1986)

Humping: I'm Humping, the butler.
Barney: Oh, yeah? So who's f*cking the maid?

Barney: I wanted to thank y
ou for only giving me the clap. These days it's refreshing to meet a girl with curable diseases.

Roy Raja: My name is Roy Rahmataj.
Barney: Hey, mind if we call you Roy Raja? Haha!
Roy Raja: You may call me "Lion of Kashmir".
Barney: And you may call me "The Boner of East L.A."

Barney: Who's this? Your son?
Adm. Storey: No, he's... uhhh
Mrs. Storey: He is my nephew.
Barney: Ohhh, your nephew. He looks Iranian to me. You know my sister, Maria, she married an Iranian guy. And they are hairy son of a bitches. You know they got hair on their chest, their backs, their butts. We're talking Winnie the Pooh. We're talking Chewbacca, you know the guy in Star Wars who goes AHHHH! AHHHH!

Henrietta Phelps: Why don't we go around the room and introduce ourselve, and tell everyone why you came to the Phelps School?
Eddie Lipschultz: Hi! My name is Eddie, Eddie Lipschultz. I'm here because my mom's new boyfriend says I can't sleep in her bedroom anymore. I figured if I came to charm school, I might be able to... , there might be chance that I'd... , I could possibly...
Barney: [interrupting] Get laid?
Barney: [Eddie nods] I thought so.

Barney: [at a party Barney walks up to an older woman, holding a small white poodle. He makes sounds like a dog in pain] Awww, is that mean old lady squeezing your genitals?
Woman with Dogs: Oh! You dreadful man!
Woman with Dogs: [Slapping Barney's hand away] No! Please, stop abusing my dog, you horrible man!Barney: You have any Vietnamese neighbors?
Woman with Dogs: No, I don't think so.
Barney: Well, if any ever move in, and you go on vacation, believe me, you're going to want to take Fluffy with you! You'll come back and your dog will be missing it's hind leg, saying 'where were you?'
Woman with Dogs: Oh! That's horrible! You terrible, horrible man!
Barney: You go next door and talk to your neighbor, and he'll be standing there, picking his teeth, 'No! We no see Fluffy! What your dog look like? Your dog have big, juicy hind leg?'
Woman with Dogs: Oh, you awful man! Please, go away!

 

[Det.Wojciehowicz]

Bill Murray has made a lot of really great movies. IMO this is his best, based on the life of Hunter S Thompson.

Where The Buffalo Roam(1980)

[Thompson is speaking to a crowd of college students]
Questioner: I was just wondering if you could tell me, um, if you thought drugs and alcohol would make me a better writer.
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: That's a good question. Let me see...
[the audience cheers as Thompson lights a joint. A few people throw joints onto the stage]
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: In my case, you know, I hate to advocate drugs or liquor, violence, insanity to anyone. But in my case it's worked.

Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: Hi sir, it's Harris from the Post. Can I get you anything sir?
Candidate: How's the family Harris?
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: Oh the family, well that's bad news. The screwheads finally came and took my daughter away. Let me ask you a question sir, what is this country doing for the doomed? There are two kinds of people in this country, the doomed and the screwheads. Savage tribal thugs who live off their legal incomes, brow deep out there; no respect for human dignity. They don't know what you and I understand, you know what I mean.
Candidate: You ever play football, Harris?
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: Yes sir, thank you sir. I played in college, and they're gonna get your daughter too sir. I've heard their rallies, they like Julie but Tricia... and they really hate you sir. You know that one and a half of the State Senate of Utah are screwheads. You know I was never really frightened by the bopheads and the potheads with their silliness never really frightened me either, but these goddam screwheads, they terrify me. And the poor doomed, the young, and the silly, the honest, the weak, the Italians... they're doomed, they're lost, they're helpless, they're somebody else's meal, they're like pigs in the wilderness.
Candidate: Come here Harris, come here. F*ck the doomed!

Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: [into tape recorder] Forecast is for "bad craziness".

Lazlo: Like a lot of people thought I was dead but, uh... hey you know you don't write any postcards when you're on the road to self-discovery.

Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: Besides, I just got here and I haven't...
Marty Lewis: Wait! What do you mean you just got there?
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: Yeah. Right. Minutes ago.
Marty Lewis: You left on Tuesday. Today's Saturday.
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: That happened to you, too? That's weird. The same mix-up happened to me this morning!

Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: You couldn't invent someone like Carl Lazlo. He was a... he was one of a kind. He was a mutant. A real heavyweight water buffalo type... who could chew his way through a concrete wall and spit out the other side covered with lime and chalk and look good in doing it.

 

[horrie hastings]

”it’s alive, it’s alive, it’s alive! IT’S ALIVE!!! In the name of god! Now I know what it feels like to BE god!!!” -

Frankenstein 1931.

 

[Det.Wojciehowicz]

My Cousin Vinny (1992)

Vinny Gambini: It is possible that the two yutes...
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Ah, the two what? Uh... uh, what was that word?
Vinny Gambini: Uh... what word?
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Two what?
Vinny Gambini: What?
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Uh... did you say "yutes"?
Vinny Gambini: Yeah, two yutes.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: What is a yute?
Vinny Gambini: [beating] Oh, excuse me, your honor...
Vinny Gambini: [in an exaggerated manner] Two *youths*.

Jim Trotter III: Now, uh, Ms. Vito, being an expert on general automotive knowledge, can you tell me... what would the correct ignition timing be on a 1955 Bel Air Chevrolet, with a 327 cubic-inch engine and a four-barrel carburetor?
Mona Lisa Vito: It's a bullshit question.
Jim Trotter III: Does that mean that you can't answer it?
Mona Lisa Vito: It's a bullshit question, it's impossible to answer.
Jim Trotter III: Impossible because you don't know the answer!
Mona Lisa Vito: Nobody could answer that question!
Jim Trotter III: Your Honor, I move to disqualify Ms. Vito as a "expert witness"!
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Can you answer the question?
Mona Lisa Vito: No, it is a trick question!
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Why is it a trick question?
Vinny Gambini: [to Bill] Watch this.
Mona Lisa Vito: 'Cause Chevy didn't make a 327 in '55, the 327 didn't come out till '62. And it wasn't offered in the Bel Air with a four-barrel carb till '64. However, in 1964, the correct ignition timing would be four degrees before top-dead-center.
Jim Trotter III: Well... um... she's acceptable, Your Honor.

inny Gambini: Is it possible the two defendants entered the store, picked 22 specific items off of the shelves, had the clerk take money, make change, then leave. Then two different men drive up in a similar -
[Seeing Mr. Tipton shake his head no]
Vinny Gambini: Don't shake your head, I'm not done yet. Wait till you hear the whole thing, so you can understand this, now. Two different men drive up in a similar-looking car, go in, shoot the clerk, rob him, and then leave?
Mr. Tipton: No. They didn't have enough time.
Vinny Gambini: Well, how much time was they in the store?
Mr. Tipton: Five minutes.
Vinny Gambini: Five minutes? Are you sure? Did you look at your watch?
Mr. Tipton: No.
Vinny Gambini: Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. You testified earlier that the boys went into the store, and you had just begun to make breakfast. You were just ready to eat, and you heard a gunshot. That's right, I'm sorry. So, obviously, it takes you five minutes to make breakfast.
Mr. Tipton: That's right.
Vinny Gambini: Right, so you knew that. Uh, do you remember what you had?
Mr. Tipton: Eggs and grits.
Vinny Gambini: Eggs and grits. I like grits, too. How do you cook your grits? Do you like them regular, creamy or al dente?
Mr. Tipton: Just regular, I guess.
Vinny Gambini: Regular. Instant grits?
Mr. Tipton: No self-respectin' Southerner uses instant grits. I take pride in my grits.
Vinny Gambini: So, Mr. Tipton, how could it take you five minutes to cook your grits, when it takes the entire grit-eating world twenty minutes?
Mr. Tipton: [a bit panicky] I don't know. I'm a fast cook, I guess.
Vinny Gambini: I'm sorry, I was all the way over here. I couldn't hear you. Did you say you were a fast cook? That's it?
[Mr. Tipton nods in embarrassment]
Vinny Gambini: Are we to believe that boiling water soaks into a grit faster in your kitchen than on any place on the face of the earth?
Mr. Tipton: I don't know.
Vinny Gambini: Well, perhaps the laws of physics cease to exist on your stove. Were these magic grits? I mean, did you buy them from the same guy who sold Jack his beanstalk beans?

Mona Lisa Vito: The car that made these two, equal-length tire marks had positraction. You can't make those marks without positraction, which was not available on the '64 Buick Skylark!
Vinny Gambini: And why not? What is positraction?
Mona Lisa Vito: It's a limited slip differential which distributes power equally to both the right and left tires. The '64 Skylark had a regular differential, which, anyone who's been stuck in the mud in Alabama knows, you step on the gas, one tire spins, the other tire does nothing.
Juror #1: That's right.
Vinny Gambini: Is that it?
Mona Lisa Vito: No, there's more! You see? When the left tire mark goes up on the curb and the right tire mark stays flat and even? Well, the '64 Skylark had a solid rear axle, so when the left tire would go up on the curb, the right tire would tilt out and ride along its edge. But that didn't happen here. The tire mark stayed flat and even. This car had an independent rear suspension. Now, in the '60s, there were only two other cars made in America that had positraction, and independent rear suspension, and enough power to make these marks. One was the Corvette, which could never be confused with the Buick Skylark. The other had the same body length, height, width, weight, wheel base, and wheel track as the '64 Skylark, and that was the 1963 Pontiac Tempest.
Vinny Gambini: And because both cars were made by GM, were both cars available in metallic mint green paint?
Mona Lisa Vito: They were!
Vinny Gambini: Thank you, Ms. Vito. No more questions. Thank you very, very much.
[kissing her hands]
Vinny Gambini: You've been a lovely, lovely witness.

Vinny Gambini: [to the jury] Hey, how ya doin'?
Vinny Gambini: [to the witness] Mr. Crane, what are these pictures of?
Ernie Crane: My house and stuff.
Vinny Gambini: House and stuff. And what is this brown stuff on your window?
Ernie Crane: Dirt.
Vinny Gambini: Dirt. And what is this rusty, dusty, dirty-looking thing that's covering your window?
Ernie Crane: That's a screen.
Vinny Gambini: A screen! It's a screen. And what are these really big things that are right in the middle of your view of the Sac-o-Suds and your kitchen window, what do we call these big things?
Ernie Crane: Trees?
Vinny Gambini: Trees, that's right. Don't be afraid, just shout 'em right out when you know 'em. And what are these thousands of little things that are on trees?
Ernie Crane: Leaves.
Vinny Gambini: And these big bushy things between the trees.
Ernie Crane: Bushes.
Vinny Gambini: Bushes. So, Mr. Crane, you can positively identify the defendants, for a moment of two seconds, looking through this dirty window, this crud-covered screen, all of these trees, with all of these leaves on them, and I don't know how many bushes.
Ernie Crane: Looks like five.
Vinny Gambini: Uh, uh, uh, don't forget this one and this one.
Ernie Crane: Seven bushes!
Vinny Gambini: Seven bushes. So, what do you think? Isn't it possible you just saw two guys in a green convertible and not necessarily these two particular guys?
Ernie Crane: I suppose.
Vinny Gambini: I'm finished with this guy.

Mona Lisa Vito: [Vinny looks at her funny] What?
Vinny Gambini: Nothing. You stick out like a sore thumb around here.
Mona Lisa Vito: Me? What about you?
Vinny Gambini: I fit in better than you. At least I'm wearing cowboy boots.
Mona Lisa Vito: Oh yeah, you blend.

Mona Lisa Vito: [Vinny looks at her funny] What?
Vinny Gambini: Nothing. You stick out like a sore thumb around here.
Mona Lisa Vito: Me? What about you?
Vinny Gambini: I fit in better than you. At least I'm wearing cowboy boots.
Mona Lisa Vito: Oh yeah, you blend.

 

[horrie hastings]

The Frankenstein monster in Bride Of Frankenstein.

Yes, go, you live, go
You stay, we belong dead.

 

[Det.Wojciehowicz]

Tremors (1990)

Earl Bassett: Damn it, listen to me. I'm older and wiser.
Valentine McKee: Yeah, well you're half right.

Valentine McKee: Roger that Burt, and congratulations. Be advised, however, that there are two more, repeat, two more motherhumpers.

Earl Bassett: Is this a job for an intelligent man?
Valentine McKee: Well, show me one and I'll ask him.

Earl Bassett: I vote for outer space. No way these are local boys.

Burt Gummer: Broke into the wrong goddamn rec room, didn't ya you bastard!

Earl Bassett: Run for it? Running's not a plan! Running's what you do once a plan fails!

Earl Bassett: Hey, Rhonda you ever seen anything like this before?
Valentine McKee: Oh, sure Earl. Everyone knows about them, we just didn't tell you!

Earl Bassett: What kind of fuse is that?
Burt Gummer: Cannon fuse.
Earl Bassett: What the hell do you use it for?
Burt Gummer: My cannon.

Valentine McKee: Yeah, well, I'm a victim of circumstance.
Earl Bassett: I thought you called it your pecker.

Valentine McKee: What the hell's in those things, Burt?
Burt Gummer: A few household chemicals in the proper proportions.

Valentine McKee: I can't believe we said no to free beer!

Valentine McKee: [to Earl] Who died and made you Einstein?

Earl Bassett: We gotta run. We've got a schedule to keep.
Valentine McKee: Yeah. See, we plan ahead, that way we don't do anything right now. Earl explained it to me.

Walter Chang: That's what I like... Graboids. That's it, Graboids!
Earl Bassett: Jesus, Walter.
Walter Chang: You're gonna be sorry if you don't give it a name.

Earl Bassett: Pardon my French!

 

[Det.Wojciehowicz]

A Night At The Opera (1935)

Otis B. Driftwood: It's all right, that's in every contract. That's what they call a sanity clause.
[Fiorello laughs loudly]
Fiorello: You can't fool me! There ain't no Sanity Claus!

Otis B. Driftwood: Listen, Gottlieb, nix on the love making. Because, I saw Mrs. Claypool first. Of course, her mother really saw her first; but, there's no point in bringing the Civil War into this.

Henderson: You live here all alone?
Otis B. Driftwood: Yes. Just me and my memories. I'm practically a hermit.
Henderson: Oh. A hermit. I notice the table's set for four.
Otis B. Driftwood: That's nothing - my alarm clock is set for eight. That doesn't prove a thing.

[Driftwood opens a drawer in his trunk to find Tomasso sleeping]
Otis B. Driftwood: That can't be my shirt, my shirt doesn't snore.
Fiorello: Shh! Don't wake him up. He's got insomnia, he's trying to sleep it off.

[Fiorello and Driftwood go over the first clause of their contract]
Otis B. Driftwood: Now pay particular attention to this first clause because it's most important. It says the, uh..."The party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part." How do you like that? That's pretty neat, eh?
Fiorello: No, that's no good.
Otis B. Driftwood: What's the matter with it?
Fiorello: I dunno. Let's hear it again.
Otis B. Driftwood: It says the, uh..."The party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part."
Fiorello: That sounds a little better this time.
Otis B. Driftwood: Well, it grows on you. Would you like to hear it once more?
Fiorello: Er... just the first part.
Otis B. Driftwood: What do you mean? The... the party of the first part?
Fiorello: No, the first part of the party of the first part.
Otis B. Driftwood: All right. It says the, uh, "The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract..." look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?

Otis B. Driftwood: Ladies and gentlemen... I guess that takes in most of you...

Fiorello: [Disguised as one of the world's greatest aviators] So now I tell you how we fly to America. The first time we started we got-a half way there when we run out a gasoline, and we gotta go back. Then I take-a twice as much gasoline. This time we're just about to land, maybe three feet, when what do you think: we run out of gasoline again. And-a back-a we go again to get-a more gas. This time I take-a plenty gas. Well, we get-a half way over, when what do you think happens: we forgot-a the airplane. So, we gotta sit down and we talk it over. Then I get-a the great idea. We no take-a gasoline, we no take-a the airplane. We take steamship, and that, friends, is how we fly across the ocean.

Otis B. Driftwood: You're willing to pay him a thousand dollars a night just for singing? Why, you can get a phonograph record of Minnie the Moocher for 75 cents. And for a buck and a quarter, you can get Minnie.

Otis B. Driftwood: You know the old saying. Two's company, five's a crowd.

 

[Det.Wojciehowicz]

A Day At The Races (1937)

Dr. Hackenbush: Hey, don't drink that poison! That's $4.00 an ounce!

Dr. Hackenbush: Oh, well, uh, to begin with I took four years at Vassar.
Mrs. Upjohn: Vassar? But that's a girls' college.
Dr. Hackenbush: I found that out the third year. I'd 've been there yet, but I went out for the swimming team.

Dr. Hackenbush: You know, I proposed to your mother once.
Judy: But that's my father!
Dr. Hackenbush: No wonder he turned me down.

Dr. Hackenbush: Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Flo: I want to be near you. I want you to hold me. Oh! Hold me closer! Closer! Closer!
Dr. Hackenbush: If I hold you any closer, I'll be in back of you!

Whitmore: Just a minute, Mrs Upjohn. That looks like a horse pill to me.
Dr. Hackenbush: Oh, you've taken them before.
Mrs. Upjohn: Are you sure, Doctor, you haven't made a mistake?
Dr. Hackenbush: You have nothing to worry about. The last patient I gave one of those to won the Kentucky Derby.
Whitmore: May I examine this, please? Do you actually give those to your patients? Isn't it awfully large for a pill?
Dr. Hackenbush: Well, it was too small for a basketball, and I didn't know what to do with it. Say, you're awfully large for a pill yourself.

Tony: Hey Doc! Doc, I'm tell you a secret - she's out to get you.
Flo: Why, I've never been so insulted in my life.
Dr. Hackenbush: Well, it's early yet.

Tony: One dollar and you'll remember me all your life.
Dr. Hackenbush: That's the most nauseating proposition I ever had.

Tony: I think he's a ubangi.
Dr. Hackenbush: Well, I'll get a hammer and "ubangi" that right off.

Dr. Hackenbush: I'm too busy right now. I'll tell you what. I'll put the 'O' on now and come back later for the 'K.'

Dr. Hackenbush: [examining Stuffy with an auriscope] I haven't seen anything like this in years. The last time I saw a head like that was in a bottle of formaldehyde.
Tony: Told you he was sick.
Dr. Hackenbush: [pointing to Stuffy's neck] That's all pure desecration along there. He's got about a 15% metabolism, with an overactive thyroid and a glandular affectation of about 3%.
Tony: That's bad.
Dr. Hackenbush: With a 1% mentality.
[Stuffy grins]
Dr. Hackenbush: He's what we designate as the crummy moronic type. All in all, this is the most gruesome looking piece of blubber I've ever peered at.
Tony: Hey doc. Hey doc!
Dr. Hackenbush: Huh?
Tony: You gotta the looking glass turned around, you're looking at yourself.

Tony: Well, justa by accident I think I gotta one right here.
Dr. Hackenbush: A lotta accidents around here for a quiet neighborhood.

Nurse: Doctor, the Turkish Bath.
[Hands him the phone]
Dr. Hackenbush: Hello. Yes, will you look in the steam room and see if my frankfurters are done?

Dr. Hackenbush: [to Stuffy] Take her pulse. Take her pulse!
Mrs. Upjohn: [Stuffy takes Mrs. Upjohn's purse] Oh, no-no-no! My purse! My purse! My purse! He has my purse!
Dr. Hackenbush: You must forgive him, he doesn't spell very well, Mrs. Upjohn.

Tony: Hey, boss! C'mere! Sun-Up is the worst horse on the track!
Dr. Hackenbush: I notice he wins all the time.
Tony: Aw, just because he comes in first.
Dr. Hackenbush: Well, I don't want 'em any better than first.