part I
https://www.theaustralian.com.au/op...r/news-story/e7eb9eb678989cb9dd85a5901ed994a6
An open letter to Peter FitzSimons, from ‘Peter FitzSimons’ aka The Mocker
It’s nine o’clock on a Saturday
The regular crowd shuffles in
There’s an old man sitting next to me
And he looks like a loudmouth has-been
He said son can you play me a memory
I’m not really sure how it goes
But’s it’s all about Pete, who was so swift-of-feet
When he wore a Wallaby’s clothes
Sing us a song you’re Bandana Man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we’re all in the mood for a homily
From the man who can talk gigabytes.
Now Pete is a real life novelist
Who fortunately has a smart wife
Like most socialists lately
Pete loves the gravy
He’ll be riding on that train for life
And Pete waffles on with his politics
While the audience slowly gets stoned
Never heard one who’s so sanctimonious
I might take up drinking alone
It’s a pretty good crowd for a Saturday
And Bandana Man gives us a smile
‘Cause he thinks that it’s he we’ve been coming to see
Talk his usual predictable bile
It’s Pedro, the great bearded barnacle!
With the microphone and trademark sneer
As for us at the bar, well we run near and far
Screaming ‘Please, anywhere man but here!’
My apologies to Billy Joel. This parody of his perennial classic was unforgivable, and I have no excuse for it other than steeling myself to write about Peter FitzSimons, Fairfax columnist, author, and self-appointed moral conscience of the nation. There were only two things I could do to stay focused: use humour, or stick a fork in my eye. Given he frequently pops up in this column, you will understand why I chose the former.
“Which brings us to Israel Folau’s comment on what will happen to gays,”
wrote FitzSimons last week on the subject of the Waratahs player and fellow Australian rugby international. ‘‘‘HELL,’’ he tweeted, ‘‘Unless they repent of their sins and turn to God.’’’
“It’s hard to know where to start, is it not,” said FitzSimons. Not really. For starters, Folau’s
inane comment was made on Instagram, not Twitter. “But whatever happens, you must reflect on the effect your words have most particularly on troubled teens — many of them, undoubtedly in your own community — struggling with their sexuality,” continued FitzSimons. “Do you know how those agonies must be compounded by a respected figure like yourself saying they deserve to burn for all eternity?”
This is sheer verballing. Folau never said gay people “deserved” such a fate. He was asked about the teachings of his deity, and he provided his interpretation. Criticise him for his crackpot theology by all means, but do not use it as excuse to vent your own prejudices by putting words in his mouth.
It is not the first time FitzSimons has bagged Folau for his Christian beliefs. “I love and respect all people for who they are and their opinions. but personally, I will not support gay marriage,” tweeted Folau last year during the same sex marriage survey.
Pretty innocuous, right? Not for FitzSimons, who ridiculed Folau, and patronised him in an open letter, continually referring to his first name.
“Look, you believe all that religious stuff, which is your perfect right,” he wrote. “And you can live by that. But is it not a tad presumptuous as to try and push that on the rest of us?” As racing commentator Richard Freedman said the next day, it was a tad hypocritical for FitzSimons to do exactly that while criticising Folau.
FitzSimons, a strident atheist, would defend his gratuitous comments on the basis he has the right, as he says, to “blow raspberries” at religion. Indeed he does, but he is selective about which faith he bags. In
2016 he dedicated a column to NRL and Bulldogs player Will Hopoate, whose Mormon beliefs prevent him from playing or training on a Sunday. FitzSimons ridiculed Mormonism and Christianity in general, referring to Jesus Christ as “a cosmic Jewish zombie who is his own father”. Have you ever seen a FitzSimons column that sneered at a Muslim player for believing that a winged horse carried Prophet Muhammad from Mecca to Jerusalem?
How does one get through to one as obtuse as FitzSimons? Judging by the size of his ego, we can conclude the only person he would take notice of is himself. So here it is, an open letter to FitzSimons from himself:
