I have borderline personality disorder (BPD). AMA.

[Nuke]

It's funny you posted that. I'm slowly reading all -thus far 20- pages (up to page 10!) of this thread, as my wife shows too many signs that she has BPD (but of course can't see it, so won't seek help, and thus it hasn't been diagnosed).

The fact that you posted again here for the first time this year just now, and the specific topic of your post just hit home for me.
I'm all about compromise after compromise, whereas I don't feel there's much in the way of compromise from her ... although I'm sure she 100% believes she does nearly all the compromising.

Anyway, thankyou for that particular post.
Good work, mate.

PS: I should clarify that I'm not entertaining the thought of ending the marriage or leaving her. I love her beyond words. Your post, particularly the final paragraph, just touched a nerve, alerting me about the challenging road in all the years ahead. For everything that I have given up to try and keep her happy (thus making 'us' happy), I have very little left to give up, so I've little else left to lose.
Again, it hit a nerve, but I do thankyou for doing so.

I do have questions, but I'd rather wait until I've read all pages in this thread (in case the answers are already there!).

 

[The Silverdale Phantom]

It's funny you posted that. I'm slowly reading all -thus far 20- pages (up to page 10!) of this thread, as my wife shows too many signs that she has BPD (but of course can't see it, so won't seek help, and thus it hasn't been diagnosed).

The fact that you posted again here for the first time this year just now, and the specific topic of your post just hit home for me.
I'm all about compromise after compromise, whereas I don't feel there's much in the way of compromise from her ... although I'm sure she 100% believes she does nearly all the compromising.

Anyway, thankyou for that particular post.
Good work, mate.

PS: I should clarify that I'm not entertaining the thought of ending the marriage or leaving her. I love her beyond words. Your post, particularly the final paragraph, just touched a nerve, alerting me about the challenging road in all the years ahead. For everything that I have given up to try and keep her happy (thus making 'us' happy), I have very little left to give up, so I've little else left to lose.
Again, it hit a nerve, but I do thankyou for doing so.

I do have questions, but I'd rather wait until I've read all pages in this thread (in case the answers are already there!).

I’ve seen a bloke lose himself completely from only 5 or so years of subservience to an unwell women.

Career gone, asset gone, inheritance squandered, family estranged and even kids abandoned.

But critically, perpetual unhappiness, change of thinking. Wires crossing to find pleasure in awful things, reflecting her weird values.

My point is not to leave yourself out all alone, some quality Nuke time and care may be needed.

To see an expert for yourself may be the order of the day.

I’ve seen mental health interventions work but under careful and professional instruction.

Take care of yourself brother.

 

[Nealo 12]

It’s up to all of us to toughen up , can’t let life take hold and dominate what happens

 

[Patorick]

It's funny you posted that. I'm slowly reading all -thus far 20- pages (up to page 10!) of this thread, as my wife shows too many signs that she has BPD (but of course can't see it, so won't seek help, and thus it hasn't been diagnosed).

The fact that you posted again here for the first time this year just now, and the specific topic of your post just hit home for me.
I'm all about compromise after compromise, whereas I don't feel there's much in the way of compromise from her ... although I'm sure she 100% believes she does nearly all the compromising.

Anyway, thankyou for that particular post.
Good work, mate.

PS: I should clarify that I'm not entertaining the thought of ending the marriage or leaving her. I love her beyond words. Your post, particularly the final paragraph, just touched a nerve, alerting me about the challenging road in all the years ahead. For everything that I have given up to try and keep her happy (thus making 'us' happy), I have very little left to give up, so I've little else left to lose.
Again, it hit a nerve, but I do thankyou for doing so.

I do have questions, but I'd rather wait until I've read all pages in this thread (in case the answers are already there!).

Ask away please mate, here to help.

 

[BatteredFlake]

It’s up to all of us to toughen up , can’t let life take hold and dominate what happens

onya Nealo!!! Ill toughen up and not let tards in positions of power Dominate me . Funny how I doubt you really would like to face reality of that. You would not even acknowledge or recognize it.

 

[The Silverdale Phantom]

onya Nealo!!! Ill toughen up and not let tards in positions of power Dominate me . Funny how I doubt you really would like to face reality of that. You would not even acknowledge or recognize it.

Ask the brain dead Nealo how Brett Finch is going on the other site he visits?

I imagine Nealo is up for moderator there by now.

 

[Patorick]

Why do people with borderline personality disorder have a hard time with criticism even if it's constructive criticism?

Why do people with borderline personality disorder have a hard time with criticism even if it's constructive criticism?

During my time around a borderline personality type, I have learned that you cannot criticize a person with the disorder. Even when you are not criticizing a person with Bpd, you often times feel like you have to watch what you say and it's because you do have to watch what you say to a person wt...

mytimearoundaborderline.quora.com

By Joe Adkins (has loved ones with Borderline personality disorder)

Updated Mar 13

During my time around a borderline personality type, I have learned that you cannot criticize a person with the disorder. Even when you are not criticizing a person with Bpd, you often times feel like you have to watch what you say and it's because you do have to watch what you say to a person wth BPD.

Often times, a simple comment can lead to a heated argument where both sides are left battered and confused, and this is typically where a divide begins to occur in a relationship. A person with bod feels betrayed and crucified and the other person feels like they can't open there mouth in fear of something they say may lead to a verbal tongue lashing that can leave you feeling wounded and battered.

One of the things a person can do is to understand this dynamic and what it does to a relationship. Instead of looking at comments as criticism try looking at it like Lebron James looks at it, as a way to learn and get better.

The greatest basketball player of all time hires people to do nothing but critique his game. Why? Because he wants to be the best basketball player ever. He could say I'm Lebron James. I'm not listening to criticism. But Lebron actually pays big money to be criticized and critiqued.

I think we could all benefit from changing our mindsets and the way we perceive things. Many times, we're not being criticized because someone is trying to harm us, but because they want you to be the best you can be. I think this is the biggest challenge for family and friends or anyone who is in any type of relationship with a person with Bpd.

It sucks to feel like you hurt a person's feelings and have no clue how you did it. This is typically when the relationship begins to decline until it's over. No one likes to feel like they are hurting anyone but especially when they don't have a clue. That is the mindf*ck that borderline personality disorder causes. it's why people feel such hurt that people on the other side feel. it's tough. Really tough.

Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) often struggle with intense emotional dysregulation and a fear of abandonment. As a result, they may be more sensitive to criticism and may react strongly to perceived criticism or rejection from others.

This sensitivity to criticism may be related to a heightened fear of abandonment or rejection. Individuals with BPD may interpret criticism as a sign that they are not valued or loved, which can trigger intense emotional reactions and lead to impulsive or self-destructive behaviors.

It's important to note that this sensitivity to criticism is a symptom of BPD, and is not a personal failing or character flaw. With proper treatment and support, individuals with BPD can learn to manage their emotional reactions and develop healthier coping strategies.

If you are in a relationship with someone who has BPD and are struggling to communicate effectively, seeking professional help from a mental health provider can be beneficial. They can help you understand the dynamics of the relationship and provide strategies for managing conflicts and improving communication.

 

[Nuke]

I spoke with someone last year who understands this kinda thing. I feel, since then, I've learned a whole lot more about how to deal with the situation of my wife in particular, but other members of her family too, who show signs of BPD.

My biggest question, the thing I'm completely stumped upon, is: How do people with BPD come to realise they have BPD, and therefore can then seek help?
I ask here, as you have clearly 'seen the light', so can hopefully pass on some kind of personal experience into how that happened for you.

Unfortunately one of the key signs that I see first-hand very much up-close, is the 'People with BPD don't generally see that they have a problem (ie: BPD)'. If it was denial, then reasoning can help them see themselves from others points of view. But reasoning and logic go out the window (in my experience and also from a lot of what I've read) when it comes to this condition, and generally leads to tension / disagreements.

Anyway, any personal insight you can share would be GREATLY appreciated.

At the moment, things generally are pretty good, but I have to say, that's mostly down to me having learned to adapt to the situation a helluva lot better than I did 2yrs ago. It is mentally tiring having to be alert 24/7 of everything going on around her and watching very carefully what I say/do 100% of the time. But it keeps the peace, so that's a nice feeling.

 

[Patorick]

Good questions @Nuke.

Yeah, in my opinion, it's just that awareness or who you are and what you are doing. And why? How you are making other people around you feel as well, especially the ones you care about. Are people walking on eggshells around me? Am I thinking irrationally or neurotically? Do I like the person that I see when I look into the mirror each morning? Who am I and what do my actions say about me as a person?

For me it took a complete mental breakdown, losing connection with some of my family and most of my friends, 5-10 years of slowly building myself mentally back up, sobering up, learning to like things about life and myself again, detaching from certain people that I was clinging to and accepting that other people were not at fault for the situation I was in. Or doing the wrong things. They were just trying to live a happy and peaceful lives. Couldn't understand that at the time. Thought everything was about me and what I wanted.

It's taken a lot of energy and time for me to accept that there were some major errors of judgment on my part along the way. And to take responsibility for that and not blame it on other people. Or expect other people to be there for me and validate my existence. That is not cool or fair on them. You can't expect people to be everything for you everyday. You have to make the choice not to give the power of your life away like that.

Learning to separate my sense of self from my actions, behaviors and feelings was very difficult. Especially when I was in the heat of the moment and not thinking rationally. Now I can look back on who I was and say that I was absolutely toxic back then. And a chore to be around. Wouldn't associate with someone like that today, if given the choice. I've learned from how I used to treat people and who I used to be. Have much healthier and pleasant relationships with friends and people in general today.

Hope that makes sense and answers your question.

 

[Patorick]

How can I control the BPD rage once I start to feel it coming on? My relationship is suffering badly because of my crazy mind. What’s the...

Answer (1 of 17): Here's what i did as my first step, and it took me a good week of hell and REALLY REALLY trying hard b4 i actually was able to do this: I made myself sit with myself and do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!! I even would close my eyes and put my fingers in my ear if i needed to block out any...

mentalillnesstrauma.quora.com

Question: How can I control the BPD rage once I start to feel it coming on? My relationship is suffering badly because of my crazy mind. What’s the best help/treatment out there? Am I even salvageable?

Answer by GP (Discouraged Borderline):

We have a safe word in my house. It's one word that everyone knows the meaning.

It's "carrot".

When I say carrot everyone knows to scatter.

I will come find them once I've calmed down.

We made it an ambiguous word so I can say it in public without making a scene.

Yes, I used to frequently cause public scenes.

Not my proudest moments.

It's been some time since I've had to use it.

Everybody is salvageable.

Just because you have some extra struggles doesn't make you less of a person.

Take care of you too.

 

[Patorick]

Had to post this.

Hope everyone reading this is ok.

Trigger warning:

This post contains content about suicide.

...
...
...

You are never alone.

“You may think people don’t [care], but one person always does." @MadKing1981 shares his story.

September is Suicide Prevention Month. All Elite Wrestling is committed to the mental well-being of our talent, staff & our fans. We encourage anyone struggling to reach out & get help: American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
Source: https://x.com/i/status/1572575120207462400

With the mental health thing it's in my family and you know my uncles and my dad there was no mental health thing back then and it was you're a man, shut up, hide it, protect the women and move on.

That's it. You're feelings didn't matter.

And you know they passed it on to their sons and so on and so forth and it sticks with you.

And I know when my dad finally realised that, not that something was off because there's nothing wrong with us if we have those kind of feelings. There's nothing wrong by the way. There's no such thing as normal. Let me put that out there. There's no such thing as normal. We make our own normal. My normal is not the same as the next man. Trust me. And vice versa.

But when my dad saw me going down that dark path, I'm his son and he said let's talk and he brought me to therapists and they just wanted to know not just why but more like how can we help? They accepted me for who I am and what I am. And helped me accept who I was and that's why I'm so open about talking about mental health because it was open in my house, because my dad lost a bunch of his friends from suicide. He didn't want to see his son go through that. I've lost a lot of friends to a suicide and I don't want anyone else dying no more.

You know what I mean? Because when you get in that dark place and get in that dark circle as I call it. Circling the drain. You just stop thinking that anyone cares about you. And you start thinking that you're worthless and that no one will care if you die tomorrow and that's not true. We put that in our own heads to justify our pain in our own minds. Our pain is already justified because we're human and we're feeling it. But we want everyone else to feel it and this and that.

There's no reason for that. You know? There's no reason not to talk anymore, there's no reason not to break the habits of the past. Every generation says they are progressing. My generation thought they were progressive and no this generation thinks they're progressive. Ok then let's be progressive about it. Why can't men talk about what they're going through? Why can't men talk about their feelings?

You can sit there and call me a clown or I'm soft or this and that, fine, but I'll be alive. I'll be with my friends and family. I'll be that soft but I'll be with them. And I'll still see my mother. You know? Everyone knows me I'm a mother's boy. But I'll still see my mother. I'll still see my dad. I can go wrestle and they'll be there.

Now imagine if that one time I was very close to suicide if I did it. None of this wouldn't happen. I wouldn't be here to talk to you today. And one of the hardest men I've met in my life, like a real straight OG with things I can't say because I'm not allowed to under the law, he talked to me about it and he saved my life. And he made me realise that people care.

You may think that people don't but one person always does. There is always one person. And when you hurt yourself it hurts that one person. Then it hurts that one person's friend. And that person's boyfriend or girlfriend and so on and so forth. And it becomes like a ripple effect. Like when you throw a rock or a pebble at a pond. You know? So people do care and you do affect people. And you're never really alone. You're not alone because I didn't think oh I'm special. Or because I go through this and I talk about that.

But when I see people come up to me at fanfests or they stop me and they tell me how they're going through their stuff, that makes me feel good. Because it reminds me that I'm not alone. It's an everyday struggle. For the past two weeks I've been going through it. Recently you know when I get in my own head and I beat myself up. And I'm sitting there in a house which I'm paying for which I should be happy about, but I'm sitting there beating myself up, because it's a never ending struggle and I don't know, I like the struggle now. Because you hear sayings and stuff without struggle there is no progress and never to suffer is to never be blessed, Edgar Allen Poe said, and I believe that. I believe when you suffer, you get past it you're a better person. And now that I'm in a position where I can talk to people about this I'm happy I progressed because now I can help and I just don't want to hear no more about people taking their lives because they didn't talk or I don't want to see a mother crying because her son is gone. Or a wife crying because her husband is gone. Or a son crying because their father is gone. I don't want to see it no more. I don't want to see that happen to anybody, I don't even have to know you, I just don't want to see it happen.

You know? Because we're only here for a cup of coffee man and when things hit you and you realise how short we are here for, you just want to live a happy life. And so does that mean medication? Fine go ahead knock yourself out there's nothing wrong with that. I'm on medication. I'm on Zoloft, I'm not ashamed of that. You make fun of me for that, you make fun of me, that's on you dog. God bless you. But I'm good.

You gotta do things that are right for you. And people say you can say this or say that and I get it all these buzzwords and whatever you have to say, but I truly inside feel this and I hope (as I'm sweating) everyone understands this: you are never alone. You're not. I'm telling you the God's honest truth here. There's always one person.

You may not have your family around anymore or maybe they've passed away this and that or maybe I remember there was a guy. There was an older guy who came to a bar that I used to bounce at and you know he was an older guy about 45 and didn't have his family, didn't have his wife and kids and he came to the bar every night and drank himself stupid. But he was a likable guy. And when I found out he committed suicide and the other bartenders found out, god that just ruined us. And we didn't even know the guy we just knew him from there. And that ruined us for like a week. All of us were just like we couldn't believe it. And we didn't even know him that well. Now imagine the people who knew him well.

There's always someone out there that you are going to affect. When you decide to take your own life and I just don't want people doing it no more.

Normal is another thing, get that word out of your head. There is no such thing as normal. That word is a lie. My normal is not yours. Do you think getting beatup for a living is normal? To me it is. Maybe not to you. Again that's my normal. We make our own. So I can blab on forever but that's the two things I want people to truly understand:

1. You're never alone, there's always one and that's all you need. All you need is one.

2. We make our own normal. We make it ourselves. No one else does.