Yep, 100%.
I can't help with the baby, so it's all on her.
So, I try to help with our almost 3-year old - and all he wants, is mummy.
Fml
My kids are adults now, but I will share something with you. People talk about post natal depression for mums. It’s real and it’s about the hormonal let down or change and it can manifest itself way beyond the baby blues into serious mental health.
But there’s Dad post natal as well. I have never talked about it with a professional and really felt selfish, but here goes.
You spend a long time looking for Mrs right and when you find her your time together is special. It’s nice to be loved and it fulfills a primal function to be the care giver and protector.
Kids come along and it’s like the love and time that your partner has for you is limited and is now shared with others. You are no longer #1 in her life and at times you take the back seat. Our job in the relationship becomes at times secondary. Your partner’s emotional needs are now provided by the new baby or babies. Where do you fit in now ?
New dads can feel tilted. Often they don’t get the emotional needs that they used to get and whilst they thought that that gap would be filled by the kids, often they are not either.
There was even a time that their (serbian) grandfather would correctly refer to himself as deda and I would feel pissed off because it was way too close to daddy and it was cutting my grass. Lol how dumb.
My wife woukd spend all her time with the kids and have no time for me. The kids were not interested in me when they were overtired. If you stop and think about it, it’s all reasonable, but at the time, in that moment, it can hurt.
So I feel you right now Eele. As others have said, don’t allow resentment build. It will get better. None if this is designed to build distance between you and your family. Try and recognise your feelings and accept that they are real and legitimate, but also sometimes very silly and unjustified.
I recall a day that I was coming home from work, walking towards my house. I was feeling sorry for myself and about 50m away, looking down the tree lined footpath I could see my kids aged 5 and 2 running towards me with their arms stretched out. That day stayed with me as a “see, I told you it will be OK” moment.
Make no mistake, you are and will be a very very important part of their lives Eele.
You are not alone and being a new Dad is not easy. The little dribblers come with no manual and it’s f**king hard work. You might not think so, but you’re doing a great job.
