Amadean leaps forward for the Titans, stretching for the line with his last ounce of strength as the kick-off blows.
693 below the bar
*****************
Metaphors: A Mixologist’s Carol Sheet
First Day of Finals
On the First Day of Finals League gave to me:
A kiss from ole Wayne Benny.
On the Second Day of Finals League gave to me:
Two wingers w@nking
...and a kiss from ole Wayne Benny.
On the Third Day of Finals League gave to me:
Three throats a-throwing,
Two wingers w@nking
...and a kiss from ole Wayne Benny.
On the Fourth Day of Finals League gave to me:
Four forwards fondling,
Three throats a-throwing,
Two wingers w@nking
...and a kiss from ole Wayne Benny.
On the Fifth Day of Finals League gave to me:
Five gaping rings!
Four forwards fondling,
Three throats a-throwing,
Two wingers w@nking
...and a kiss from ole Wayne Benny.
On the Sixth Day of Finals League gave to me:
Six sausages spurting,
Five gaping rings!
Four forwards fondling,
Three throats a-throwing,
Two wingers w@nking
...and a kiss from ole Wayne Benny.
On the Seventh Day of Finals League gave to me:
Seven subs a-sprinting,
Six sausages spurting,
Five gaping rings!
Four forwards fondling,
Three throats a-throwing,
Two wingers w@nking
...and a kiss from ole Wayne Benny.
On the Eighth Day of Finals League gave to me:
Eight captains posing,
Seven subs a-sprinting,
Six sausages spurting,
Five gaping rings!
Four forwards fondling,
Three throats a-throwing,
Two wingers w@nking
...and a kiss from ole Wayne Benny.
On the Ninth Day of Finals League gave to me:
No new Nine announcers,
Eight captains posing,
Seven subs a-sprinting,
Six sausages spurting,
Five gaping rings!
Four forwards fondling,
Three throats a-throwing,
Two wingers w@nking
...and a kiss from ole Wayne Benny.
On the Tenth Day of Finals League gave to me:
Ten countries cupping,
No new Nine announcers,
Eight captains posing,
Seven subs a-sprinting,
Six sausages spurting,
Five gaping rings!
Four forwards fondling,
Three throats a-throwing,
Two wingers w@nking
...and a kiss from ole Wayne Benny.
On the Eleventh Day of Finals League gave to me:
Eleven Leaguies leaving,
Ten countries cupping,
No new Nine announcers,
Eight captains posing,
Seven subs a-sprinting,
Six sausages spurting,
Five gaping rings!
Four forwards fondling,
Three throats a-throwing,
Two wingers w@nking
...and a kiss from ole Wayne Benny.
On the Twelfth Day of Finals League gave to me:
Twelve months of News limiting,
Eleven Leaguies leaving,
Ten countries cupping,
No new Nine announcers,
Eight captains posing,
Seven subs a-sprinting,
Six sausages spurting,
Five gaping rings!
Four forwards fondling,
Three throats a-throwing,
Two wingers w@nking
...and a kiss from ole Wayne Benny!
Good King Gallop
Good King Gallop last looked out
On the Final’s evening
With the Raider’s plans spread out
And their players leaving
For they’d injuries to spare,
And the moron Carney,
Who, despite his brother’s sense,
Was pissed-up and barmy.
With only 16 players left,
After wounds and woollies,
The Raider’s treasury bereft
Of the golden goodies.
“Please Oh Gallop can we ask
Special dispensation,
Take salary caps to task
For our sh1t location.”
King Gallop: “Who gives a damn?
Shut up and stop your whining
Pay your players, have a plan
Incompetence is undermining
The goal to bring League national
Needs to have sound fiscals
Injuries, players irrational
Shoots that down with missles.”
So Raiders went to South Queensland
Where the talent’s true
For with men you can ever depend
On a Brisbane crew.
There they begged....
Ah, shove it. You’ve got the general idea and I can’t in good faith force further abysmal poetry upon anybody. League is not served well by innumerable sex, booze and drug scandals from over-paid, under-educated and over-praised morons. League is not served well by incestuous media relationships who eternally take without giving. League is not served well by clubs who cannot stick to a budget, nor by those who run out of revenue-creation ideas quicker than cash into a pokie.
We could discuss central areas of issue: lacklustre administration, poor grass-roots development, the sole focus of teams of players upon cash and decreased interaction between fans and clubs.
We could discuss those, but it wouldn’t do a goddamn thing. When running up against powerful vested interests, the little guy is pretty much screwed.
So, once again, but this time with feeling!
”Five gaping rings!”