My story is only based only on what my Dad just went through and that is allow them to stay at home for as long as possible. In the 12 months before my Dad died last year, he was at home but had a nurse come daily to shower him and make sure all was ok. He was deaf and his wife (my step mum) was 80% blind but they were a good team.
I had the lawns mowed and a cleaner came twice weekly.
We all made sure that they had enough food by getting Woollies deliveries etc.
It wasn’t until his final 8 weeks that he needed to go to respite and he hated that.
TBH Dad staying at home and us paying for various help (on top of what the Gov provides which is very generous) was far cheaper that what you pay in a retirement or nursing village. More importantly Dad was happy that he could get around his house with his walking frame, what his foxtel and read his books in the sunroom.
Mate, I hear where you are coming from. Very sorry to hear of your father's passing.
My situation is same but different.
Mum has been unwell for so long but manages. Just. Up until January, dad was her carer. In January though, he had a stroke, and has now lost about 90% of his sight.
Every time I see him or talk to him on the phone, he tells me that he is ok from the nose down. Which he is. As well as the loss of sight, he is suffering medium signs of dementia. He has very poor short term memory. Asks similar questions time after time within minutes, but can remember stuff from his childhood like it was yesterday.
Therefore, a very much struggling mum is now his carer, which will not be good for her and will only worsen her condition. She has extremely limited mobility and at best, can only drive to the very local Aldi for supplies and to church on Sundays.
It was my opinion that the best care they could get at this stage of their lives was in a comfortable aged care facility. My sister and I found more than enough facilities that they could afford (and they are not rich, wealthy retirees, although they are self funded). It must be noted that they are not confined to these places - residents are allowed 52 days/nights a year away from the facility, so mum and dad could still come and stay weekends with us kids or even, come away on holidays with us. The most important thing about being in an aged care facility is that they would have 24 hr medical care. Which is what is most important atm.
One place we found, local to where they live, was perfect for them. Walking distance to local shops and both their GP's and chemist. It was luxurious and brand new. And affordable. Car parking space, free Foxtel, a double room so they could be together, an adjoining lounge etc......
They both absolutely loved it and agreed they would be happy to move there.
In the end, the emotion of moving out of the family home just got too much for them, so just like your dad, they have decided to stay at home. They seem happy at the moment, and coping......just.
I'm fully supportive of their decision, even though I don't quite agree it what could be best for them at this stage of their lives. Ultimately, it's their choice. Dad is most upset that he can't see the Eels play anymore!! Literally. He can only listen to the commentary.
We (my siblings and I) are taking care of lawns and shopping etc.... and their elderly friends are still making sure they get out occasionally.
It will only take one accident though (a fall, a slip in the shower, a trip down the front stairs of their home etc....) from either mum or dad, and they will
both be in the shit. Then we are back to square one.
Would you mind sending me a PM about the home nursing care that you arranged for your dad please?
Everything we looked into appeared horrendously expensive. Not that it matters, but it was stupidly priced. We may have missed an alternative.
They are both in their mid 80's.
