Random Mafia VII: The Mafia Strikes Back!

[butchmcdick]

I don't get the point of f**king superugly chicks. You get to a point where a date with your hand is better than a particularly awful human.

I'd rather go half a dozen one night stands a year with relatively decent lookers than stooping so low every single weekend.

While I'm sharing my wisdom, a female wingmate is a billion times better than a male one.

Pussy is pussy lad

 

[KeepingTheFaith]

Micky sticking up for bm. That's mafia talk.

Already told you guys.

Micky, drew, Hoppity = bad

 

[soc123_au]

Pussy is pussy lad

That is true. Ugly gash is under more pressure to put in a good performance too. They don't know when they might get it again.

 

[KeepingTheFaith]

But for now....more Rosie

 

[soc123_au]

Terrible news: It has now been 7 days since I last made love to a woman.

You have had more recent success with a man?

 

[soc123_au]

Dammit now I gotta go jack off. They warned me if I did it again they'd sack me...

I just did it without removing my pants or using my hands.

 

[Misanthrope]

Pussy is pussy lad

I respectfully disagree. I'd prefer my hand and my imagination to anything with more folds than a napkin at a fancy restaurant.

You have had more recent success with a man?

f**k you!

Update incoming. Expect soc's death.

 

[soc123_au]

It was a question, not a statement. Your reaction confirms your guilt. It's ok though any hole's a goal.

 

[Misanthrope]

Night Two

Venue: The Seven Kingdoms

The players found themselves somewhere complete alien to them - a land of knights, political intrigue, and lustful betrayal.

Well, it wasn't completely alien to all of them.

Before any shit could go down, one of their number spoke up in a voice that boomed from Easteros to Westeros.

Thou shalt not kill!

-----

One of their number, buoyed by a sweet treat, went out to do some killin'. However, despite his intentions of rocking some worlds, he twice found himself thwarted.

The pretty one got away and he found himself compelled to follow the word of God rather than carry out his second attempt.

------

In one of King's Landings many brothels, the handsome rogue took a break from pleasuring whores to take out a measure of petty vengeance. No more would people besmirch his good name and get away with it!

He lashed out with great violence at the one who had earned his ire, and his blow struck true.

Tobias Funke is dead. He was Tobias Funke, ??? Aligned Analrapist.

The word of God clearly didn't apply to him.

As if being killed wasn't bad enough, somebody than hunkered down over his still warm corpse and took a dump on his chest. How rude!

------

The master of violence sought out his target but, like others before him, felt compelled to obey the commandment.

Not so for the world's angriest house pet, who stalked his target under cover of darkness and found them standing alone and unguarded somewhere near The Wall.

"We meet again, old foe," he purred with menace, "I wonder, do your outsides taste as good as your insides?"

The pez dispenser, not possessing a voice box or even a brain, did not answer. Not that it would have mattered.

Claws lashed out and the poor thing died in silence.

Apey is dead. He was A Diddy Kong Pez Dispenser, Town Aligned Dispenser of Candy.

You are a Diddy Kong Pez Dispenser, Town Aligned Dispenser of Candy.

You’re a tasty treat in an adorably cute plastic dispenser. What’s not to love?


- Dispense Candy: Each night you may PM me the player to give some pez too. Their power can be used twice that night instead of once. You cannot target the same player twice in a row with this ability.


You win when all threats to the town have been eliminated.

His new girlfriend would mourn his passing.

----------

Wile E. Coyote rubbed his hands together with malicious glee as he put the finishing touches on his latest cunning ACME branded booby trap. His target for the evening, a prodigious talent, came charging out of the darkness precisely as he'd been lured to.

The bait? A white line and the promise of a little glory.

Not seeing anything but the line, the target tripped and triggered the mess. Ropes snapped, garden gnomes dropped into buckets, flamingoes squawked to trigger sensors, and the boulder came crashing down.

At the last minute, though, the target off-loaded to an abstract concept that couldn't be killed by such rudimentary means.

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow is not dead. It is Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow ??? Aligned Time Travel Role.

Frustrated, the cunning predator stalked back to his lair.

-----------

Somewhere, a girl who had just lost her boyfriend took to cutting. Somebody would pay for murdering her snoogums boogums!

-----------

One of the locals took the opportunity to strike out at a perceived threat, but found even his loose morals couldn't break the commandment uttered at night's beginning.

Even the Russian dictator found the words inescapable.

While the traitor and the manly man wrestled with their spiritual crises, the foul-smelling bogan tried to make himself a friend. His stink was so great, though, that it actually distracted a passer by and stopped them from doing their job.

----------

As dawn broke, so too did the latest headline:

Lara Bingle is a manipulative, murderous whore!
​

 

[Drew-Sta]

Night 2 Result​

The night had gone well for one. He was intending to bring forth judgement but was redirected by a plane who couldn't find where he was to land. The kill was swift and clean, but the victim simply did not see it coming.

mickyj is dead. He was Yesterday, town aligned time of day.​

Drew was intending to strike at the heart of the mafia's chances. He did so with glee, ensuring that Nessie would not stalk the Scottish Isles again.

Apey is dead. He was Loch Ness Monster, mafia aligned Odd Sea Creature.​

It is now day. With 22 alive, it is 12 to lynch.

 

[Misanthrope]

That confused the f**k out of me, Drew! :lol:

As today is in the Seven Kingdoms, a lynch that results in a town player being killed will result in a random town member being made King in the North (with a bonus ability).

 

[soc123_au]

Vote Drew

A loch is not the sea.

 

[Drew-Sta]

That confused the f**k out of me, Drew! :lol:

As today is in the Seven Kingdoms, a lynch that results in a town player being killed will result in a random town member being made King in the North (with a bonus ability).

:lol: Glad it wasn't a waste!

Vote Drew

A loch is not the sea.

Technicalities :sarcasm:

Anyone get anything?

 

[Misanthrope]

Vote Count

Drew-Sta: 1 (soc123_au)
Jason Maher: 2 (Mod)

 

[soc123_au]

1 yard just isn't enough.

 

[BunniesMan]

I can absolutely confirm soc is bad.

vote: soc

 

[BunniesMan]

I'd hit it.

 

[Misanthrope]

Sweet Jesus. It's almost life-sized!

 

[KeepingTheFaith]

Sweet Jesus. It's almost life-sized!

Not quite, lucky I had a spare monitor.

 

[Scott Gourley's Lovechild]

What a night phase, almost made me as moist as a high pressure nude game of D + D...