After discovering that he has been in the wrong paddock all along, Jesbass charges out of left field and onto a perfectly timed MKEB... offload for a final Warriors hitup...
Taking It To The Streets (749 words including title)
Controversy broke out at a foster home in an eclectic Melbourne suburb overnight.
The house at 1908 Footy Lane, which caters for 16 male residents mostly from across Eastern Australia, and one from Auckland, New Zealand is renowned for its loud arguments in the local neighbourhood of a suburb known simply as The Hill.
But a fight involving a pool cue, which bizarrely left no injuries, has raised questions of the suitability of the house from neighbours.
The evening started off in typical fashion. 15 of the residents, aged from 2 to 101, were taking it in turns to win games of pool against a fellow house mate, oddly named Crowe Nul-ah. Neighbours say watching Nul-ah lose is a common pastime for the other fostered men, who openly view him as a perennial loser and wannabe pool shark.
But when Crowe found out about a potential 17th resident joining the house, (most likely from Perth, Adelaide, Wellington, or the central coast of New South Wales), he flew into a rage. Wielding his pool cue that he oft referred to as Sticky, the 42-year-old former Shire resident attacked his own housemates, but, failing to actually make contact with anyone, eventually tired himself out.
Mrs N. Ahrel, the foster mother, heard the noise from upstairs.
I was getting into bed with my husband [Mr A. Ahrel] when I heard the other boys teasing Crowe, she said. I think he was just tired of losing. I love him to bits, but he's 42, so he should know how to lose with dignity by now.
He isn't exactly the best pool player, either, and he probably realises that a 17th foster child will mean he's even more likely to miss out on the family pool tournament trophy. Again.
However, the foster parents weren't the only ones to be disturbed by the commotion.
Mr Yoon Yin, at number 1845, was highly distressed.
"It's preposterous, scoffed Yin in a posh but obviously fake English accent. Those ruffians with their fisticuffs put me off my caviar. I have already written a personal letter of complaint to the Queen, and I've told Jeeves to steal their French patio doors and never return them!"
Mr Yin said his home-based shoe and glove business, Kick 'n' Clap, had already suffered a drop in custom as a result of the noise of the nearby residents. He conceded that if the disruptions were to continue, he would be over 'The Hill'.
But not everyone in the neighbourhood was upset by what had happened.
Socrates Roberts, who lives nearby at 1863, is an immigrant of English origin. Dressed in a Millwall shirt that was covered in vindaloo stains, and sporting a Guinness in one hand, Roberts or Soc-R, as he preferred to be called said he wasn't fazed by the violence at all.
I don't know what their problem is, said a confused Soc-R. My relatives 'ave been gettin' violent for as long as I can remember. A little bit of off-field fightin' never did me no 'arm, innit. If they want lessons, I'll show 'em how ta brawl!
Patrick O'Riley, the resident Irishman at 1886, agreed that fighting was a skill worth appreciating.
Dat's how ya play da game, he said. All de udder rules are too confusing.
Mention of O'Riley's Gaelic background was enough to lure Alex and Adrian Effell both males out from their home at number 1859. The two effeminate men were eager to continue the discussion until it was discovered that they had misheard the word Gaelic for something far less savoury.
Even so, they were happy to discuss the events at the foster home.
Ooh, yes, those burly men were having quite the rough and tumble! exclaimed the first A. Effell.
The second then added with a squeal: It gave us quite the scare. Such brutes!
The two A. Effell lovers then proceeded to talk about their travel exploits, despite having almost never ventured outside the state of Victoria.
It is understood that Nul-ah settled down after exerting all of his energy on missing his opponents with the pool cue. He is believed to be resigned to the fact that the all important trophy will remain out of reach.
Mr and Mrs Ahrel said that despite Nul-ah's distress, they had not ruled out getting a 17th resident, stating only that they wanted to have a good gallop with the idea before making a final decision.
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