Chris Sandow reveals how he fought his demons and rediscovered his mojo after Ricky Stuart told him to look elswehere
Date
March 26, 2015 - 10:00PM
Michael Chammas
Rugby league reporter
When Chris Sandow was ordered to check into rehab for gambling and alcohol issues at the end of 2013, he did so under the impression he had played his last game for Parramatta.
My brothers Thomas, Kenny and Greg, three of them have been to jail for wrongdoings and I do think if I stayed home I could have prevented that from happening
Chris Sandow
He was not wanted. The people who welcomed him upon his arrival to the Eels did not want to know him.
With every loss and every bit of criticism that fell largely on his small shoulders, the once jovial playmaker's off-field problems intensified as his trademark smile began to disappear.
That is when he turned to alcohol and gambling as a means of dealing with the pressures that came with struggling to live up to the expectations of his lucrative contract.
"It eased the pain for me," he said.
"I felt like everyone was against me, both internally and externally. I still had my family there, but I felt a lot different. I just took it on the chin and did what they wanted me to do. They said go here and I would go there, that's why I went to rehab. My own belief was that I shouldn't have went to rehab. I should have had time off footy in my own ways.
"I was drinking and gambling because I was worried what people were saying about me in the paper. Even at training, I didn't feel anything from anyone. I didn't feel the love, but now it's a different story. Last year everyone wanted to know me again, everyone wanted to talk to me."
At the core of the many emotions the 26-year-old has experienced throughout his life is an unrelenting sense of guilt.
Sandow made a decision to leave his family, who he has an incredibly tight bond with, and his home town of Cherbourg as a 15-year-old to avoid history repeating.
The pint-sized halfback did not want to end up as just another wasted talent from the bush, so he moved to Brisbane in pursuit of an NRL career.
He would later relocate to the Gold Coast, where his problems with alcohol first began, to play for the Titans as an 18-year-old.
But as his career was taking shape, the lives of some of his siblings were unravelling.
"I think I've let them down a bit by moving away at 15 for footy," a teary Sandow admits.
"I was selfish. My brother Thomas and my brothers Kenny and Greg, three of them have been to jail for wrongdoings and I do think if I stayed home I could have prevented that from happening. They know if I stayed I would have kept them in line, I still do that.
"The guilt still eats at me. My brothers have kids of their own now and they only know me as uncle Chris the footy player, and that breaks my heart. I'm getting teary now talking about it because I'm missing them growing up as kids. I feel like I'll regret it in a way because it was selfish moving away. I have to live with it."
At his darkest hour, Sandow was the most scrutinised player in the NRL and was constantly battling the tag of being overweight and overpaid.
Under the Ricky Stuart regime, Sandow lost his mojo and confidence.
He was tapped on the shoulder and told his services would not be required, despite having another two years to run on his contract.
"[Ricky] said it would be better if you look elsewhere," Sandow revealed.
"When they sent me to rehab, I thought that was it for me at Parramatta. I thought I was going to get shifted overseas or to another club or even back home. They were probably my three options.
"But then Sticky left before me, so if he stayed things would have been different. Sticky has his own way of coaching and I wasn't quite ready for that. You just have to know how to talk to people and talk about things instead of going different ways about things."
Sandow and Brad Arthur have since developed a close relationship, a major factor in Sandow turning his life around off the field and rediscovering the kind of form that attracted the Eels to him when he was playing for South Sydney.
But it was not all smooth sailing for Sandow when Arthur returned to the club last year, starting the season back in Wentworthville playing NSW Cup.
"He did give me a shake-up at the start and put me back to Wenty because I wasn't pulling my weight," Sandow said.
"But now I've turned the corner. I think me and Brad came closer because of it. When I heard Brad was coming back to Parramatta, I got really, really excited. Brad's a coach you want to play for. He reminds me so much of [former South Sydney coach] Johnny Lang – really passionate and someone you want to play for.
"He wants me to play my style of footy in his way, which is smart as a coach. He can talk to you as a mate and a human being. All the boys feel like that because he is a great coach. I don't want to play under anyone else but Brad. You grow a couple of feet taller if you have a coach who believes in you."
Sandow said his father had problems with alcohol, but he did not drink until he left school and the lifestyle on the Gold Coast tossed up temptations he could not resist.
He became a father as a teenager and began using family excuses to cover for missing training sessions for other reasons.
"On the Gold Coast is when I started getting involved in alcohol and it was changing my body type," he said.
"I was getting thicker and putting on weight. I was thin and ripped up as a teenager. I became a dad at a young age at 18 so I missed out on growing up a bit. Footy is all about beers and having a punt. That's the culture. It all depends on how much you spend, and I was spending more than everyone else. I was young and missed out growing up as a kid. So I started enjoying myself a bit more than I normally do when I came to Sydney eight years ago.
"Everyone loves the punt, but people exaggerated how bad it was and I started getting blamed for the losses at Parra. I always paid my rent, I always made sure my kids were looked after and had money. Then when that was all taken care of, that was my time. I never put anyone at risk. Everyone who knows me back home, they know I'd give them my last dollar. Money is not everything."
At his heaviest, Sandow tipped the scales at 90 kilograms.
He is now 10 kilograms lighter, faster and in a frame of mind that has culminated in his return to form.
Two years ago he feared he would not see out his contract, now the Eels have begun negotiations to keep him at the club alongside Kieran Foran as their long-term halves combination.
"You just have to have positive people around you to keep you in line and help you out," he said.
"Sometimes I do go around and sit with the boys and have a punt, but I don't do my arse like I did before. I love going with the boys and watching them do their arses now. It's about how you manage it. I haven't given up alcohol but I can control how much I drink, just like I can control how much I gamble. I'm in a good place. I'm feeling now how I felt at Souths. I'm happy again."
