You are a champion mateThank you so much, mate.
I've been getting professional help since I was 15.
Things haven't really improved, which is why sometimes those thoughts creep into my mind, and I seriously consider them - it is just so mentally draining to constantly battle these demons, and after 22 years, I feel emotionally spent; taking that option may seem like an "easy" option to some, but it seems enticing at times, because it would end my suffering.
But I then think of my wife, my son, my friends... I can't be guilty of causing them that much grief.
But I tell you something - I love my 2-year old son more than anything else in the world, and the fact that these thoughts can still intrude my mind is absolutely terrifying.
If anyone ever needs to talk, I am here.
And please - reach out if you need help. There is absolutelyno shame in asking for help.