The Man Thread

[Misanthrope]

Bushy, remind me next time I see you to kick you in the nuts. Then times it by a million and you still won't come near how much pain childbirth is...

And you know what it feels like to be kicked in the testicles how? Something you're not telling us ;-)

Don't get me started on period pain. That's just a code name for 'allotted time frame within which I can be a complete cow and not worry about consequences'.

NOTE: And I say all of this for my own amusement, and not out of any genuine belief in it. I just love how proud of the whole thing women seem to be. I can pee standing up, whoop-de-doo.

 

[Roy]

Q.Why are a womens feet so small

A.so they can stand closer to the kitchen sink

 

[Roy]

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:

Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her,support her, go to the ends of the earth for her....

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:

Show up naked

 

[IanG]

Q: Why did Michael Jackson put in a call to Boyz To Men?
A: He thought it was a delivery service

 

[Baron Vo Mandor]

IAN HOW DARE YOU RUIN A PRICELESS JOKE!

Whats the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist

Its funny cause its true.

 

[IanG]

"Loved It Can't See Enough Of It. Can Not See Enough Of That Footage" - Billy Birmingham (Re: The Jennifer Hawkins Wardrobe Malfunction)

Another of Billy Birmingham's
"Anything that looks good on paper that ends up turning to crap is usually gonna illistit alot of laughs"

 

[Stranger]

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:

Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her,support her, go to the ends of the earth for her....

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:

Show up naked, bring beer

:lol:

 

[strewth_mate]

Just make sure you do it hard...then again 10 minutes later...then again 10 minutes...then bring it down to around 8...closer together...a few more kicks. The maybe see how he would like to push a lemon out of it after all that for good measure...

Actually I'd say just one kick in the cods would just about do it for the hour. Honestly, I'd much rather the pain of a broken limb or a deep gash or repeated blows to the face than testicular harm. This is an intensely deep, unescapable pain that lasts for ages and and makes you sick to the stomach; worse than a whack in the guts I'd say. It's really a unique type of pain that cannot be described and logically cannot be compared between sexes, nothing to do with pain tolerance.

Also, pushing a lemon through the urethra wouldn't compare I'd say when considering the massive tearing and trauma, it isn't meant to stretch and the lemon would destroy everything in its path :crazy: That said, I would assume childbirth is obviously worse than a kick in the nads as it appears to be a much sharper, relentless pain, but what would I know ;-) benefit of the doubt I'd say, I don't understand the arguments because it's not a competition... No offence intended btw, just a general gripe

And on topic, the Termy thread is just brilliance. As is the chemicalbrother and billy the kid saga, and a lot of UT quotes :lol:

 

[Lynchy]

Q: What does tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A: They both like a tight seal

 

[Misanthrope]

A newly married couple have just left the wedding reception and the groom has taken the liberty of organising for them to travel to their new home by horse and carriage. As they're travelling, talking about their plans for the future - the horse stumbles.

"That's once" the groom says, but then returns to talking to his new wife as if nothing had happened. They get a little further down the road before the horse stumbles again.

"That's twice". The man's new wife is a little confused by this, but she decides not to press the matter. Soon they're back in conversation but, inevitably, the horse stumbles again.

"That's three times"

The man stopped the carriage, stepped down, and produced a shovel from beneath it. He then proceeded to beat the horse to death. Distraught and outraged at her new hubby's violence - the bride leaps down from the carriage and begins accosting her husband - beating his chest with her fists, slapping him, and calling him all manner of names. When she has worn herself out he shakes his head.

"That's once"

 

[Roy]

eddie murphy- raw/ delirious

enough said

 

[Roy]

An adopted African boy comes up to his father at the age of 21 an said he would like to have sex for the first time….

The father looks at his son an said ok son I will go to the brothel an bring you back a beautiful, but will im gone go out side an practice on the log with the hole in it first.

The father comes back an drops the girl of, he tells his son he will be back in an hour or two, before the father reaches his car he hears the women scream in pain an cry help help.

The father rushes back to find his son with a broom an said to his dad, “Me make sure there is no animal in hole first

 

[les norton]

Mate - An hour??? Try 17!!!!!!

Then come and see me.

And it does have to do with pain tolerance....it has been proven. We win. You lose. I am a competitive chicky.

 

[strewth_mate]

Lol, I meant successive kicks to the groinal region wouldn't have much of a cumulative effect as the first one stays with you for quite some time - just trying to describe the sensation...

The pain tolerance part was an afterthought to do with comparing tolerance to 'normal' things like the pain from copping a hit to the body. It's a different kind of pain but I get the impression most girls tend to think it's just like getting kicked in the shins - it's really not the case. Basically because I know guys that won't flinch at pretty much anything but if they cop a whack in the nads they're down straight away. It's honestly very funny stuff

And lol I'm not arguing by any means, I already said you win ;-) my point was just a matter of futile comparison. As I said, no offence intended at all, I'm just not fond of every argument ending in "well, you don't have to give birth" because it requires no thought or attempt to understand things from our side, especially at my age where pretty much none of my friends have had a child and therefore no firsthand experience (remember though, I said you win). Gotta defend our honour somehow, but goddamn I sound bloody smug :lol: <runs away protecting crotch>

 

[Phillips]

If you have the time, visit the Classic Threads section and read the Termy quotes thread. Absolute pisser.

what the hell happend to Termy :?

is he banned?

 

[les norton]

yep.


Mate - you're a cack...:lol: You better run...

 

[IanG]

"Too Bad Drinking Scotch Isn't A Paying Job, Cuz Kenny's Dad Would Be A Millionaire" - Cartman

 

[gumbi]

****Disclaimer - i do not condone the following action at all*****
****This is a joke - do not take seriously****

What do you do when the washing machine breaks down?

Slap the b*tch till she starts again.

 

[Stranger]

hahaha,

Y do woman fake orgasms...'
they think men care...

 

[les norton]

I am not laughing.
















well...maybe a little.