This is neither a preview or a review of the Origin; rather I fancy it is a re-pre-view.
That is, at the time of writing, 10 hours before kick-off on State of Origin – and I am actually in Brissie, seeing as you ask – all we know is that there are only two possible victory themes to be put in my column space for Thursday.
1. The NSW Tooheys VB Crown Lager Heineken Up-The-Windsor-Road-From-Baulkham-Hills-And-How's-Your-Mother Blues got there! They bloody well went right into the Lions Den, snatched the lollies, did Laurie Daley proud and, in the words of Phil Gould, ''Played the greatest Origin game you'll ever see! It was a night when they stood up, they dared to be great, dared to stare down the Queenslanders, dared to storm the ramparts of the fortress, stand by each other, work for each other, and dared to WIN.''
2. Those bloody two-headed Queenslanders got lucky again, for ... like, the 50th year in a row or something. And though NSW had their chances, the ball just didn't bounce their way. They coulda been champions, shoulda been champions, but the rub of the green rubbed them up the wrong way. But I'll tell you what, just wait till they come down to Sydney in three weeks' time, then we'll even the ledger. Then we'll see the Blues brothers do something.
I repeat, as I write I don't know which one is the correct one. But I'll bet it's No.2! It always has been No.2, always will be No.2, and has always given everybody in NSW a very bad dose of the No.2s!
Every freaking year!
The point is, why the hell did we even think it was going to be different this time? What the hell changed to make you even begin to believe they were going to win this time?
The Queenslanders got older? No they didn't, they just got more experienced in how to beat the Blues.
Laurie Daley said this year there would be no more boozy bonding sessions? Come off it, we've seen versions of that story 10 times in the past 10 years.
We've got two new brilliant halves? We've always got two or three new brilliant somethings, and they never last more than a few games. The only thing more difficult than getting into the Queensland team is getting dropped from it, and they're a bloody Rock of Gibraltar because of it – while NSW has had a revolving door on their dressing room for the past decade. I mean, who are these bastards?
We've got more spirit this year? Oh, really? So you saw Anthony Watmough, too, did you, staring down the barrel of the Channel Nine camera on Monday and saying with a straight face, ''this is the closest team I've ever been a part of''? Blah, blah, blah ... See, Watmough says that every year! Or someone does! Every freaking year, the word goes out before Origin that we may have stuffed it up last time, may have been just a bit off our game, but this year, THIS YEAR, we're doing it different, we've got the mix right, and mate, maaaaate, I'm telling you, this time we've got it right. The boys have never been closer.
And every year we get dusted. Just like we did last night and ...
And, oh bugger it, I'll get the editor to put this up on the web now, at lunchtime on Wednesday, so you will know I'm a dinkum SOOTHSAYER!
(There, that should do it. Laurie – you asked me to use my powers as the Kiss of Death to get your blokes over the line. As you can see, I have done my best. Please don't ask me again for another year. I am exhausted. I will be in my trailer. I've got the Swans and Buddy Franklin up and over the line for the past four weeks, publicly predicting their demise only for them to triumph and humiliate me, and I can't be expected to keep doing it. Next time you'll have to do it on your own. Good luck.)
