Monk throws a curveball from left field. What do you mean wrong sport?
748 Words innit.
The Greatest Show on Earth
Mig Truther: Come One! Come All! Let’s watch 15 exciting people live together in one house! I’m Mig Truther and I’ll be your announcer for this evening.
Mig Truther: Oh you’re new here? Let me introduce the contestants. What? Yes, of course none of them are using their real names. Can you see them? Good. From left to right, they are: Brissy, Raideen, Bull, Chook, Bunny, Stormer, Newie, Nulla, Cowgirl, Eagle, Matta, Penny, George, Warrior and Tiger. Unfortunately no one understands why Bunny keeps eating the food from the trash; I’ll try to get it sorted.
Crowd: *Disgusted look*
Mig Truther: Okay everyone, now I know you think this is a popularity contest and all that, but let me assure you! It’s reality TV at its finest! First off, we’re going to have some ‘Pre-Show’ matches, basically these games are for novelty and mean nothing. I’ll tell the housemates to run to the other side of the house or something.
Mig Truther: “Housemates, your first task is to run to the other side of the house. There is no prize, it’s a meaningless game.”
Mig Truther: As you can clearly see, all the people are walking to the other side of the house like zombies, it was a pointless exercise. What? You mean to tell me Bunny is at the other side already?
Bunny: “I AM THE WINNER; THE REST OF YOU MAY AS WELL GO HOME! WOOOOOOOOOOO”
Crowd: *Uncertain look, as if to say ‘Is this chick serious?’*
Mig Truther: Is that her? Is she shouting abuse at the other housemates just because she won a meaningless game? She is a mess. Oh well, let’s get the proceedings underway.
Mig Truther: Hello everyone, welcome to the first of two competitive games tonight. This game requires each competitor to make their way out of this massive hedge maze!
Crowd: *Appraising applause and excitable grins*
Mig Truther: “Housemates, you must find your way out of the hedge maze, first 7 teams out make it to the next round. 3, 2, 1, Go!”
Crowd: *Eyes glued to TV*
Bunny: “Hey guys remember that game I won before? Wasn’t I awesome?
Mig Truther: Now it appears Matta is lying on the floor in the foetal position, it’s not looking good for all you Matta fans out there; he may as well have not turned up tonight.
Bunny: Guys, seriously, that game? I know it didn’t matter, but I was awesome right?
Mig Truther: It seems Bull has offered several of the housemates wads of cash to leave the hedge maze, Chook, Newie and Penny all jumped at the offer! Where did Bull pull that money from? To answer this question I go to my eyes in the sky, Manny Fielder.
Manny Fielder: Well Mig, it appears Chook has accepted the money to purchase a secret weapon for the next year’s competition. Will it pay off? Only time will tell.
Mig Truther: Thanks Manny, so far five of the housemates have found their way through the hedge maze (Stormer, Eagle, Brissy, George and Cowgirl). With only two spots left things are really starting to heat up.
Raideen: “Oh what? The games almost over, I better start trying to win”
Warrior: “This would be so much fun if we played it at my place back in Auckland”
Tiger: “Must. Sidestep. Everything”
Nulla: “Is that a porch light?”
Bunny: “How did I get stuck under a ladder?”
Bull: “I spent all that money and I still can’t find the exit!”
Mig Truther: Please welcome out 6th and 7th placegetters, Tiger and Raideen! Now, let’s move onto our second (and final) game of the night! Also, for this game, I’m bringing in a new player, everyone please welcome Titan!
Crowd: *Stares in awe (What a likeable person!)*
Mig Truther: Titan will join George, Brissy, Eagle, Stormer, Raideen, Cowgirl and Tiger in attempting to eat a Donut suspended on a string! How about that ladies and Gentleman!
Crowd: *Assuring nods and synchronised claps*
Mig Truther: “Housemates, eat the suspended Donut without taking your blindfold off. 3, 2, 1, Go!”
George: “Oh No! I’m choking!”
Titan: “Oh look, a Butterfly!”
Tiger: “I can’t sidestep this!”
Stormer: “Maybe if I just have a peek through this blindfold...”
Mig Truther: “Ladies and Gentleman! Tonight’s winner is Stormer!”
Mig Truther: Please stay tuned for next week’s fun games and housemate antics! Don’t bother coming to watch them in person, because they are on your TV!