Ask LU - The relationship advice thread II

[Dani]

Have you had both done to you? Not having a go at you at all, but abuse is still attention of a sort. As much as you hate it, you're also grateful for it. Your self worth is crushed to a point that you feel like that person is the only person who could possibly 'love' you. Being cheated on is the complete opposite.

Thank you for being able to put it into words. I've been struggling with that for some weeks.

 

[Apey]

lol, no second chances for fair dinkum cheating, unforgivable.

pretty big thing to write off as "mistake".

sorry dear, it was an accident. I just don't know how his c**k ended up inside me.

 

[Misanthrope]

Thank you for being able to put it into words. I've been struggling with that for some weeks.

Been there in a sense. I was never physically abused, but I took plenty of the emotional variety. Had plenty of time to think about it. *Hugs*

sorry dear, it was an accident. I just don't know his c**k ended up inside me.

:lol:

 

[BDR]

"I slipped and fell on several stranger's c**ks in succession."

 

[Scott Gourley's Lovechild]

Sorry, but cheating for me is black and white. The person is making a judgement that it isn't worth being faithful to you, and that you are a not worth the time of day.

If someone cheated on me, that's it. No second chances from cheating.

 

[Misanthrope]

"I slipped and fell on several stranger's c**ks in succession."

"I slipped into both of them. Repeatedly. In multiple orifices. And filmed it."

 

[Scott Gourley's Lovechild]

sorry dear, it was an accident. I just don't know his c**k ended up inside me.

:lol:

 

[Bazal]

See, people seem too focussed on the physical act of "cheating" and not the emotional state of the person or people involved. Sex is just sex, at a certain point. The emotions that made it happen are the most important thing.

 

[Misanthrope]

See, people seem too focussed on the physical act of "cheating" and not the emotional state of the person or people involved. Sex is just sex, at a certain point. The emotions that made it happen are the most important thing.

Basically what I said and believe. Sex is sex. I've had it with girls I've loved, I've had it with girls I've just met, and I've had it with the odd lady of the night in my time.

But few and far between are the women I've cared about enough to text late at night, buy gifts for, or allocate some small fraction of my heart.

 

[Apey]

They told me I had to do it or they would kill you. I did this... for you!

 

[BDR]

The physical act precipitates the emotional pain. Looking at it from the victim's point of view.

 

[Scott Gourley's Lovechild]

See, people seem too focussed on the physical act of "cheating" and not the emotional state of the person or people involved. Sex is just sex, at a certain point. The emotions that made it happen are the most important thing.

The physical act is preceded by an emotional act to go through with it.

It still comes down to trust for me, and I couldnt trust them again.

 

[Dragon2010]

Cheating is one of the lowest form for me, Instant dis-respect in my books.

 

[Someone]

you cant just expect someone to look past the betrayal of cheating, both physical and/or emotional.

like people above have said, once the trust is gone it cant be rebuilt.

 

[Misanthrope]

The physical act is preceded by an emotional act to go through with it.

Exactly. Unless they're just pissed as farts and not thinking at all emotionally (which can happen), they're making a conscious, emotional choice to cheat.

 

[BDR]

lol, no second chances for fair dinkum cheating, unforgivable.

pretty big thing to write off as "mistake".

sorry dear, it was an accident. I just don't know how his c**k ended up inside me.

Also, sigworthy.

 

[Bazal]

The physical act precipitates the emotional pain. Looking at it from the victim's point of view.

As I said, I can see why someone might make the mistake in my situation, as just one example...the emotions of the cheater shouldn't be disregarded, and those calling people who would find it in themselves to forgive in certain situations don't seem to realise that, is all. Cheating is relative in the eye of those involved, I guess.

 

[Hallatia]

Have you had both done to you? Not having a go at you at all, but abuse is still attention of a sort. As much as you hate it, you're also grateful for it. Your self worth is crushed to a point that you feel like that person is the only person who could possibly 'love' you. Being cheated on is the complete opposite.

No, I have not had both done to me, but I do have very close friends who have. Maybe I am too rational and not emotional enough, but safety is so much more important than love. And having a boyfriend or husband is not a necessary part of life. Even if no one else will love you, it's better not to be loved than to be subjected to love which is expressed that way

It's not just about the sex. I'd be more bothered by texts sent, words whispered, and kisses shared. Sex is just sex.

everyone seems to be talking about sex, I think the kind of cheating where the cheater is in a second relationship is so much worse than sex. Especially if you're in a committed relationship with the person that cheated

 

[WOTBEH]

I cheated on my girl, but it was very early in our relationship. I was drunk. I told her the next day, she got upset, used it against me for a while but now she knows how much I love her I would never do it again.

 

[Misanthrope]

Even if no one else will love you, it's better not to be loved than to be subjected to love which is expressed that way

That varies from person to person and depends almost solely on their own feelings of self worth. It's something you can fake, but not force. It took me a long time to get myself into a place where I loved myself enough to realise I didn't need external validation to be happy.

It's not a battle I've 'won'. It's one I fight on an ongoing basis. Some people never have to do that, the lucky bastards.