Ask LU - The relationship advice thread II

[sportive cupid]

She puts a lot of value in it, which was the reason i was so shocked, if you see them together you would think they have the perfect relationship, goes to show you just can never tell.

I have no doubt she loves him and wants to be with him, unfortunately the other guy complicates it as she appears to think similar of him for differing reasons. Hence the denial that she can't have both in her life still at this stage.

It's complicated in her head the way she tells it that's for sure, i wouldn't want to be in her position and with what's going on in her head.

It's stressful enough just being in my position, she has been dealing with this for a while now, it's no wonder she ended up telling me and talking about it with me.

Why do you think she chose you!and not say a girlfriend?

 

[sportive cupid]

I agree there is a difference but people have affairs for all sorts of reasons if you are concerned about how slavagable the relationship is then you need to ask why the cheating happened in the first place and see if that is something which can be fixed or not

What sort of reasons would be ' fixable" do you think?

 

[Mong]

Why do you think she chose you!and not say a girlfriend?

Because we share a lot of personal things and she has helped me out in the past.

I am not surprised that when she chose to share she chose me.

 

[Hallatia]

What sort of reasons would be ' fixable" do you think?

I think most would be so long as people are prepared to be open, honest, mature and understanding about them. Every person has issues, every relationship has issues. This is my philosophy on interactions between people. It comes straight from William Blake, I know some of the people here have seen me quote this before but this is because I really strongly believe in it.
"I was angry with a friend
I told my wrath, my wrath did end
I was angry with a foe
I told it not, my wrath did grow

And I watered it in tears
Night and morning with my tears
and I sunned it with smiles
and with soft deceitful wiles

And it grew both day and night
til it bore an apple bright
and my foe beheld it shine
and he knew that it was mine

til one night into my garden stole
when the night had veiled the pole
in the morning, glad I see
my foe outstretched beneath the tree"

I typed that from memory, so if I made a mistake, I apologise. I think the same thing goes for any negative feelings towards anyone, the only way to purge yourself of those feelings so you can effectively continue interactions with that other person is to tell those feelings

 

[Dragon2010]

Was having a debate with my cousin today, "Are relationships over-rated?" are they important and special as people make them out to be. Made for a interesting topic.

 

[Someone]

What's an affair?

Keeping intimate secrets from your partner might be worse in some eyes than pumping that big dick down the road.

I'm confused as to what point your trying to get across. there is a difference between an affair and a one night stand. I shouldn't have to explain that.

This is the way i see the situation, mong has described it as being an affair with a man she knows quite well, and possibly began to develop feelings for. This is where i said she has to be honest with herself if not her husband. What does she want? Everyone knows you cant have the cake and eat it as well. her questioning why she cant have both in her life tells me enough about her. the difference between that, and a one night stand, is massive imo.

 

[sportive cupid]

There are several people involved in the scenario that Mong put .

I'm looking at all the relationships.Mong might do better to concentrate on -the relationships he can have some impact on- namely his relationship with his wife ,and his relationship with his close friend.

oh we'll ,young lawyers in love ,what a mess.

Someone, there are so many sorts of relationships men and women and women and women have.

The one night stand is probably the least of anyone's troubles.

 

[IanG]

Always hear single mothers complaining that whenever they meet a man he does the Harold when they discover that they have kids. To be honest I'm one of those blokes. Sorry but I have my reasons for that.

 

[Mong]

There are several people involved in the scenario that Mong put .

I'm looking at all the relationships.Mong might do better to concentrate on -the relationships he can have some impact on- namely his relationship with his wife ,and his relationship with his close friend.

oh we'll ,young lawyers in love ,what a mess.

Someone, there are so many sorts of relationships men and women and women and women have.

The one night stand is probably the least of anyone's troubles.

You seem to still doubt my assessment of my wife SC..

 

[Frederick]

Always hear single mothers complaining that whenever they meet a man he does the Harold when they discover that they have kids. To be honest I'm one of those blokes. Sorry but I have my reasons for that.

How do you feel about virgins?

 

[urban eel]

he's from newcastle.he wouldnt have encounter one since primary school

 

[Cliffhanger]

Nope. It's based on a bunch of observations of your posts. Very black and white.

I get that impression too.

 

[God-King Dean]

pmsl @ anyone who would stay with someone who cheated on them.

 

[Mong]

It happens for all sorts of reasons.. I don't think applying a blanket approach is necessary the best approach.

 

[Hallatia]

I think someone who dumps their husband or wife just for cheating on them is an idiot.

But people who will only dump after that are worse. A good friend of mine was married to this guy who was horrible to her and she would cry and cry about it to me and other friends but never do anything and that was really frustrating. I know it's hard because she is a mother, but she was a single mother from her first marriage before she met this guy and this guy was really bad to her. And after they were married, he started beating her and she would cry and cry about it and not do anything, she once called the police. After they came, I think she took back her initial allegation and made it out not to be have been as bad as it was. She never should have married him, she should have left him when he first started being bad to her, but for whatever reason, she put up with it and then became pregnant with his kid, so they got married and because she believes that he is entitled to equal custody simply because he wants it, she is bound to him for life (her first husband left and no one ever saw him again, but her child from that marriage calls second husband dad). When she was crying about him abusing her, she told me if he cheats on her she'll leave him, so I prayed that she would discover him cheating on her just so she could get out of there.

He did cheat on her and they did separate, but from the way he treated her with complete lack of regard, he was bound to at least try to cheat, he would physically flirt with other girls in front of her and talk down about her to people with her nearby. I think he did love her but he was just an immature jerk despite him being over 30 (she was in her early to mid 20s)

 

[Someone]

I think someone who dumps their husband or wife just for cheating on them is an idiot.

But people who will only dump after that are worse. A good friend of mine was married to this guy who was horrible to her and she would cry and cry about it to me and other friends but never do anything and that was really frustrating. I know it's hard because she is a mother, but she was a single mother from her first marriage before she met this guy and this guy was really bad to her. And after they were married, he started beating her and she would cry and cry about it and not do anything, she once called the police. After they came, I think she took back her initial allegation and made it out not to be have been as bad as it was. She never should have married him, she should have left him when he first started being bad to her, but for whatever reason, she put up with it and then became pregnant with his kid, so they got married and because she believes that he is entitled to equal custody simply because he wants it, she is bound to him for life (her first husband left and no one ever saw him again, but her child from that marriage calls second husband dad). When she was crying about him abusing her, she told me if he cheats on her she'll leave him, so I prayed that she would discover him cheating on her just so she could get out of there.

He did cheat on her and they did separate, but from the way he treated her with complete lack of regard, he was bound to at least try to cheat, he would physically flirt with other girls in front of her and talk down about her to people with her nearby. I think he did love her but he was just an immature jerk despite him being over 30 (she was in her early to mid 20s)

I lold.

 

[Scott Gourley's Lovechild]

I think someone who dumps their husband or wife just for cheating on them is an idiot.

I would, I could never trust them again.

 

[Hallatia]

loving someone doesn't stop people from being insensitive abusive morons

 

[Bazal]

I think it depends. A once off drunken mistake is forgivable...more than that is not. My marriage is f**ked at the moment and I wouldn't even consider cheating, it's just not right. But I could understand someone in my position, for example, getting too liquored up and making a mistake...

 

[Someone]

loving someone doesn't stop people from being insensitive abusive morons

men like you described who treat women like rubbish and beat them dont love women, how could he have loved her.